Facing reality

Parkyp

No it sounds like your being very reasonable with her and like you say it  does become more awkward when you have became friends. But you’re not there to subsidise her and You’re  still giving her a better rate than she can get elsewhere x

astrocytic_kitten

Honestly my mind boggles that you do all the cooking and cleaning and she doesn’t even pay market rate, with what you’ve been saying lately about the heating it sounds as if it’s costing you more to have her live with you than not. Has she paid you back for you subsidising her when she wasn’t working? I’ve lived in dozens of house shares, and a couple where the other person owned the flat, and each time I paid my way and did my own cooking / cleaning. I get that you’ve become friends, but some people only see that you have something they don’t (in this case a mortgage) and think that justifies them taking advantage.

ryanm8655

Sarahwithlove said:

Been sorting my paperwork out and looking at potential bills I could pay up front instead of monthly and one was my service charge. Got a nice surprise when I realised that the DD for that is over 10 months not 12 so April/May will be no SC payments. Now I'm debating whether to work out the yearly amount over 12 months and pay that into my pots on ynab so that I can then pay less each month into it and the two months top it up or use the two months towards the card and clear or quicker. Think I'm leaning more towards that. Same with CT think I'm gonna stick to 10 months as I quite like the two months without. It also means when I show my housemate the budget I can justify increasing her rent for this year as she's been dropping hints that she doesn't want it to go up even though she pays less then rooms in the area on spare room and less than what she was paying in bills when she shared with her ex boyfriend. She keeps talking about how she wants her own place and has a H2B she puts money into every month but I keep wondering how in earth she thinks she is gonna manage to run her own place on just her wage if she is complaining about how much rent she pays me. She will also have to start doing her own cooking and cleaning as well as atm I do 95% of cooking and probably 90% of cleaning. She basically cleans the living room which is where her bunnies are kept so it's only fair i think that she hoovers up after them. She's lived with me 18 months and cleaned the bathroom twice in that time and kitchen maybe 3 it 4 times. I'd love to know other people's thoughts on this as a colleague had a lodger and she was totally OK with them doing no cleaning at all and only keeping their room clean. Should it be shared between us or should I be doing it as she's my lodger? She gets free reign of the whole flat and uses it all as much as I do and like I said I do majority of the cooking. 

I’d have booted her out ages ago ha.

Surely the cleaning should be 50/50 and she should cook for herself...that’s madness you do so much...

Are you sure she isn’t costing you money?

Sarahwithlove

astrocytic_kitten said:

Honestly my mind boggles that you do all the cooking and cleaning and she doesn’t even pay market rate, with what you’ve been saying lately about the heating it sounds as if it’s costing you more to have her live with you than not. Has she paid you back for you subsidising her when she wasn’t working? I’ve lived in dozens of house shares, and a couple where the other person owned the flat, and each time I paid my way and did my own cooking / cleaning. I get that you’ve become friends, but some people only see that you have something they don’t (in this case a mortgage) and think that justifies them taking advantage.

No as she doesn't really see it as me having done that and living together 24/7 currently I don't want to get in an argument about it. Atm she is paying her way when it comes too food etc so I'm OK with that just want her to pull her weight when comes to household chores etc.
I'm terms of costs other than 25% council tax discount and the money I would save on heating I am still making some profit from her living with me. But I won't be having anyone else after her. 

Sarahwithlove

ryanm8655 said:

Sarahwithlove said:

Been sorting my paperwork out and looking at potential bills I could pay up front instead of monthly and one was my service charge. Got a nice surprise when I realised that the DD for that is over 10 months not 12 so April/May will be no SC payments. Now I'm debating whether to work out the yearly amount over 12 months and pay that into my pots on ynab so that I can then pay less each month into it and the two months top it up or use the two months towards the card and clear or quicker. Think I'm leaning more towards that. Same with CT think I'm gonna stick to 10 months as I quite like the two months without. It also means when I show my housemate the budget I can justify increasing her rent for this year as she's been dropping hints that she doesn't want it to go up even though she pays less then rooms in the area on spare room and less than what she was paying in bills when she shared with her ex boyfriend. She keeps talking about how she wants her own place and has a H2B she puts money into every month but I keep wondering how in earth she thinks she is gonna manage to run her own place on just her wage if she is complaining about how much rent she pays me. She will also have to start doing her own cooking and cleaning as well as atm I do 95% of cooking and probably 90% of cleaning. She basically cleans the living room which is where her bunnies are kept so it's only fair i think that she hoovers up after them. She's lived with me 18 months and cleaned the bathroom twice in that time and kitchen maybe 3 it 4 times. I'd love to know other people's thoughts on this as a colleague had a lodger and she was totally OK with them doing no cleaning at all and only keeping their room clean. Should it be shared between us or should I be doing it as she's my lodger? She gets free reign of the whole flat and uses it all as much as I do and like I said I do majority of the cooking. 

I’d have booted her out ages ago ha.

Surely the cleaning should be 50/50 and she should cook for herself...that’s madness you do so much...

Are you sure she isn’t costing you money?

We eat our meals together and buy joint food for them and then have our own food for lunches etc. I just seem to be doing all the cooking. Even when we have a meal she 'cooks' I still end up doing some cooking. I.e steak she will cook the steak but I end up cooking whatever we have with it so only time I get a day off is if we have a takeaway. I enjoy cooking so it's not end of world just be nice if she did the cleaning up after instead of me doing both.
I do still make some money as other than extra gas and electric and council tax 25% all other bills would be the same if I lived by myself. But I could afford to do it on my own. Right now during lockdown when we are together 24/7 I'm reluctant to rock the boat. But I do know it needs sorting. I keep dropping hints and making jokes but it don't seem to make much difference. We shall see how it goes. I just needed to rant. I'm tired and not sleeping well so it makes me moody haha. 

Blackcats

I understand that you don't want to have an unpleasant atmosphere while you are in lockdown together.  It might be that after lockdown she might want to have a change of scene.  I think you should increase the monthly rent - you can be sure your bills will be going up in the coming year!    Could you do a simple weekly chore chart that you each chose a mini chore a day?   It could also have cook dinner or wash up as a choice of chores.  Stick it on the fridge and tick when you've done your chore.  A bit like a child's sticker chart?  😇

Sarahwithlove

Blackcats said:

I understand that you don't want to have an unpleasant atmosphere while you are in lockdown together.  It might be that after lockdown she might want to have a change of scene.  I think you should increase the monthly rent - you can be sure your bills will be going up in the coming year!    Could you do a simple weekly chore chart that you each chose a mini chore a day?   It could also have cook dinner or wash up as a choice of chores.  Stick it on the fridge and tick when you've done your chore.  A bit like a child's sticker chart?  😇

I can't see it myself she's already hinted she intends to stay for a while longer. I'm thinking of increasing it by £25 a month that should cover the council tax increase and I'm gonna get much stricter on the heating and cut back the TV package to close the gap on the other bills. I usually get a the bills through in March so will give me an idea as to how things will look and go from there. 

alt80

Assume this is a lodger you have @Sarahwithlove? Is she a mate or just some random? If she's a mate I can see why you're eating together etc but if not just let her do her own thing and you do yours.

efes_shareholder

I'd basically tell her she needs to pay more and help out more for it to be viable having her there.
If she doesn't like she can have the option to move out and pay market rates through spareroom etc where it is unlikely that she will even have access to a lounge let alone be able to keep her rabbits there.
She would also have to do all her own cooking and clean up after herself.
Although you dont want to lose a friendship , she is paying for a room - you are not her mum and you are not her housekeeper.
If she moans at all , remind her that you are in fact doing her a favour , that she wouldnt have things so "nice" in a house share , infact she wouldnt be able to chose if she liked the people she lived with as she would have no say on who they are and she would be paying considerably more !! 

lantanna

Explain your feeling tired etc and ask her would she agree to a rota type system for cooking meals. She maybe doesn’t realise quite how uneven things are and maybe thinks you like to do most of the cooking. You never know, the next time she does cook something rave about how nice it is to have someone else cook for you and see if she gets the hint even ?