I'm Adopted

Marisco

renegadefm wrote: »

Marisco, can I ask what method did you use to trace your mum?

I was perhaps fortunate insofar as I found my adoption papers in the attic, so I knew the county I was born in and my original surname and mothers name (my first names never changed) I then phoned up the registra of the county and asked for an original birth cert. She went through the rigmarole of telling me about councelling etc, but I very politely told her to do one. Anyway, said birth cert arrived, and off I went to the address on it. Again I struck lucky as she had never moved from that address.



If you know your county of birth, I'd phone the registra, giving as much detail as you can, and ask for an original birth cert and take it from there. As an aside, I found out I was born in the very same hospital as my first grandchild was, as my daughter was living away from her hometown at the time

ToxicWomble

Interesting approaches which are polar opposites.

One consider the feelings and emotions of others before embarking on a course of action and then puts that above their own personal desires for the good of the many.

The other puts theirs own personal desires above all else.

As a human being, surely we should be encouraging and living by the first.

You only have to step outside your door to how damaging modern society’s drift towards the second approach is.

hazyjo

ToxicWomble wrote: »

Interesting approaches which are polar opposites.

One consider the feelings and emotions of others before embarking on a course of action and then puts that above their own personal desires for the good of the many.

The other puts theirs own personal desires above all else.

As a human being, surely we should be encouraging and living by the first.

You only have to step outside your door to how damaging modern society’s drift towards the second approach is.

I don't think it's as black and white as that. In today's world, it's a right to know where you came from. It's encouraged to keep families in contact, even if adopted. If someone feels the need (not necessarily just a selfish desire) to find out where they came from, or a bit of their own history or background, who's the selfish one: them for looking and potentially upsetting family, or the family for not wanting them to know and denying them the chance?


Every adoptee's parent now knows that contact is encouraged, and those before them knew that their child had the right to search. It's only my generation (born before 1975 I think) who don't have that automatic right as we were given up not believing we'd ever be allowed to trace.


I choose not to trace (at the moment). Have contemplated doing a DNA thingy to find out a bit about my history. If it throws up some long lost family, so be it.

bellabella

My reasons for looking for my birth parents was just to get a medical history as i have 3 children i am fed up with being asked about medical history and not being able to answer i felt that i needed answers in case there was an issue that needed addressing . I was never looking for a mum or dad thus I didn't feel the need to let my mum know any parent who adopts a child will know that one day they may look for their birth parents so I think that they already are aware and the decision to tell them has to be judged by the person who knows them best x

Skiddaw1

Must admit I know where you're coming from re the medical history Bella. I find it frustrating that I know absolutely nothing of what may be lurking on my biological father's side in that respect, especially as I get older.

chelseablue

I feel like that too re the medical history. All I know is my biological dad died from complications relating to diabetes

Not sure if diabetes runs in families? Could I develop it when older? So many questions

I've been lied to my whole life about my real Dad, my mum always said she didn't know who he was

renegadefm

chealseablue, I too have those questions about needing to find then purely for medical reasons. But I was always told these days we dont need to trace either birth parents to achieve this, it can be done by some kinda dna test to see the likely hood of my future health. I seem to remember they were promoting these gadjets on The Gadget Show on TV.

But for me its more about discovering my birth mum first as I'm assuning she would unlock answers to the rest, and let me know the circumstances surrounding why she had to give me up, I think that is one of the things I am most interested in.

hazyjo

renegadefm wrote: »

But for me its more about discovering my birth mum first as I'm assuning she would unlock answers to the rest, and let me know the circumstances surrounding why she had to give me up, I think that is one of the things I am most interested in.

I'm sure that's why I'm not so fussed. I know my birth mum was young. Very young. Schoolgirl maybe. Think she came from Yorkshire to London to have me. The dad was around I think as she had named me even though she knew all the way through the pregnancy she was having me adopted. I would have been Alison Dawn Kelly. I think Kelly was my father's surname. It's interesting cos I'm guessing there's an Irish background, possibly Scottish. There's a Methodist background there too somewhere which prob points more towards Ireland although I'm not very clued up on it.

More than anything, I'd like to see photos. Not really fussed about any more than that.

renegadefm

You know its very strange because can accent ie the way we talk be in our blood?

The reason I say that is I grew up in Cornwall with I thought a very strong Cornish accent, but when I have met people all around the country, some say how come I got a Southern Irish accent? I tell them I just dont know.

Can a genetic source affect our accents even if we never visited the country?

Loanranger21

To the people who messaged their parent via Facebook, unless you are already friends with someone on Facebook they will not see your message so if they have not replied, send them a friend request.
The received wisdom is to use a neutral intermediary in case the birth mother has never told anyone of your existence.
Norcap was an organisation who acted as intermediaries, not sure if they still exist.