I'm Adopted

harrys_nan

silvercar wrote: »

If the official way doesn’t yield results, you could always try dna testing.

Interesting story here on the moral dilemma faced by someone conceived through a sperm donor: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-51207678/dna-testing-sperm-donor-anonymity-and-me

I was going to also suggest this as you may find extended family if any of them have taken a test. I would suggest you look at Ancestry as they have the largest database and you can upload your DNA results to other sites
I hope you find the answers you want.
Good luck

renegadefm

bellabella, Long shot I know, but was your birthday in April? Reason I say that I have always wondered if I was one of twins. Would they have seperated twins in those days if both were adopted? I was born in Freedom Fields hospital in Plymouth April 69

bellabella

renegadefm wrote: »

bellabella, Long shot I know, but was your birthday in April? Reason I say that I have always wondered if I was one of twins. Would they have seperated twins in those days if both were adopted? I was born in Freedom Fields hospital in Plymouth April 69

Hi Renegadefm Really sorry but no I am an August baby and I was born in Essex x

missprice

JamoLew wrote: »

I understand the curiosity, but sometimes things are just meant to be left in the past.
You will hear and read about all the wonderful experiences and relationships that occur, but rarely about the emotional damage this could cause.
First stop at least is to discuss with your parents as to your reasons and motivations behind this desire

OP is 50 years old, I think at that age one is more than capable of making decisions like this. And OP does not need to tell the adopted parents unless they want to.
For OP my sibling was adopted (born a year after me) and through the council we found each other. It was ok for a year, but then we drifted apart, probably because we had no shared history. We literally had the same birth mother. Nothing else in common at all. We didn't meet til we were 27/28 via the council who had a move of buildings and found my original letter asking for info. I think I sent the letter 8 years previously.

JamoLew

missprice wrote: »

OP is 50 years old, I think at that age one is more than capable of making decisions like this. And OP does not need to tell the adopted parents unless they want to.
.

We will have to agree to disagree then.

Personally I wouldn't dream of searching for my birth mother without discussing it with mum first.
And no, that isn't hypothetical, I was also adopted in 1969

renegadefm

I wouldnt dream of telling my parents now their both 86, they would find it strange why I'd want to discover my birth parents now, and I fear it would upset them.

JamoLew

I appreciate your stance, but the potential upset (and more) is exactly why I would discuss it first.
What would happen if they somehow found out and how would they feel then ?
Each to their own though I guess

bellabella

I am afraid I have to agree with other posters I have not told my mum at all as the upset it would cause would outweigh the need to know. My family are all aware that she does not know and agree with my decision .My finding my birth mother has not altered my mums position in my life at all she is and always will be my mum . I do feel though that circumstances and the reaction of other family members can greatly influence your choices but at the end of the day your life your choice and neither option is wrong x

hazyjo

Whether or not to tell parents you're tracing is totally individual I think. Absolutely no one-size-fits-all. My mum has always said if I want to trace, she'll help and back me 100%. I've known others whose parents would have been so upset and who were never open about the adoptions. My mum's always told me all she knows (very little!). I've known it pretty much split another family when the daughter kept asking and the parents refused to discuss it.

TBagpuss

I agree. I think that OP knows her own parents best and in in the best position to decide what, and when, to tell them.

I don't think it is right to expect OP to give up the chance of finding out about her own background on the basis that it *might* upset her parents why should her needs and feelings be less important that those of her parents? Its all very well to say that some things should be left in the past, but this is something which impacts on OP's present and future as well, it's not really in the past.


And while in an ideal world she might be able to discuss it with her parents first and go into the search with their support, she is the best person to judge whether that is wise or likely to be a realistic expectation.

Particularly as the search is, by its very nature, time sensitive.