»

Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism - Page 5

New Post Advanced Search

Coronavirus: The latest from MSE


The MSE team is working extremely hard to keep the info we have about your travel rights, cancellation rights, sick pay (and more) up to date.
The official MSE guides: NEW MSE Coronavirus Guides

NEWSFLASH 31/3
RESCUE FLIGHTS FOR STRANDED BRITS * SCHOOL MEALS VOUCHERS * BRIGHTHOUSE COLLAPSES

Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
553 replies 123.8K views
1235756

Replies

  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
    11.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Rampant Recycler
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I came to my room as soon as I had finished dinner, and left DS to it. He is not working today or tomorrow, and wasn't working yesterday so I am trying to make him do more. I wrote my diary and then got into bed quite early, with the blanket on, although it was 10 when I turned out the light. DS went out after the children were asleep (he did ask me), as he had to borrow my car. Not sure what time he was back. When dgs2 woke at 5.30 I thought it was earlier and gave him a bottle, but he didn't sleep (that's when I realised the time, so I took him down stairs to his Dad and said his turn. When dgs1 woke I sent him down too. I have nodded off and had some extra sleep.
    But I better wake up properly, get Dgd up, and be ready for the school run. It still needs to be in two different directions, but I will be lucky if DS shakes a leg and actually walks to school with the boys.
    Do I sound as disheartened with him as I feel at the moment.
    Would be nice if he volunteered to do something and not be asked.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • thorsoakthorsoak Forumite
    6.8K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    ✭✭✭✭
    Don't ask him, SS - TELL HIM! They are still his children, they see him as Daddy and as such, will look to him for an example. He needs a size 13 boot up the backside - so put on your seven-league boots, and do it!

    You are doing an amazing job, swimming against the tide.
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
    70.2K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    I think you maybe just have to be like a broken record with DS & keep asking him to do the same things & hope it eventually sinks in. :(
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **
    MFW. 12 months to go. B)
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
  • NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
    3.9K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭✭
    beanielou wrote: »
    I think you maybe just have to be like a broken record with DS & keep asking him to do the same things & hope it eventually sinks in. :(

    That might well help! You do have to keep banging on

    Problem is that the son knows that if he doesn't do it his mum will (however much shouting/putting the boot In takes place) I see the same - and not knocking my partner's son at all - he is a good guy.

    It's back to getting a routine in place and, actually, going out and leaving him to it. As I have said it is a bit different for us as the son knows his work schedule well in advance. But we know the dates he is off and my partner will make sure she has something on (away from the house) some of that time so he has to take on responsibility

    All the times ss is there it is easy for him not to do it. I think you need to physically go out - not just to your cabin - on occasions - so he can't think about not doing it or asking you
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
    11.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Rampant Recycler
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    NeilCr wrote: »
    That might well help! You do have to keep banging on

    Problem is that the son knows that if he doesn't do it his mum will (however much shouting/putting the boot In takes place) I see the same - and not knocking my partner's son at all - he is a good guy.

    It's back to getting a routine in place and, actually, going out and leaving him to it. As I have said it is a bit different for us as the son knows his work schedule well in advance. But we know the dates he is off and my partner will make sure she has something on (away from the house) some of that time so he has to take on responsibility

    All the times ss is there it is easy for him not to do it. I think you need to physically go out - not just to your cabin - on occasions - so he can't think about not doing it or asking you

    I think your right there!
    I have been faffing about after one thing or another all morning. I have been to see customers, and had two others come to the cabin.
    The morning has flown by.
    I am struggling with the gloomy day.
    I want to go back to bed and stay there.
    DS was again asleep every time I came in through the house, seriously angry with him as Dgs2 was just doing what he licked and Dad didn't notice. I came in to make a cup of tea, realised Dgs2 was still up and woke DS but it is useless. I put Dgs2 to bed and Dad was asleep by the time I came back down the stairs.
    I have put the washing on, done yet another sink full of dishes, and made my self a sandwich and brought my tea and sandwich up to my comfy corner.
    I am in a bit of a mood, so I want to shake it off and find my equilibrium again.
    Mum wants some other shopping and her TV magazine. So I am going to have to go sooner rather than later, because DS is now apparently working 6-close and hadn't told me. I am annoyed as I had planned to go see a friend who's birthday is tomorrow, now I cannot and I cannot go tomorrow as they have plans and it's Wednesday so I have Biggest's children.
    Feeling quite put out today.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • dreamingdreaming Forumite
    976 posts
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Posts
    ✭✭✭
    DS was again asleep every time I came in through the house, seriously angry with him as Dgs2 was just doing what he licked and Dad didn't notice. I came in to make a cup of tea, realised Dgs2 was still up and woke DS but it is useless. I put Dgs2 to bed and Dad was asleep by the time I came back down the stairs.
    .

    Hi SS - I have to say that these behaviours would be flagging up warning signs that DS may be back to his drug habit. I am speaking from experience here as my family member used to behave like this - going out at random times of the day and night and sleeping a lot. I hope I'm wrong and it is just the time of year and lack of daylight that has put him in hibernation mode but please don't ignore it. To be brutally honest, apart from work and emergencies, if his car is off the road then I wouldn't be too quick to let him borrow yours - especially for going out when he is meant to be in charge of his children.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
    11.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Rampant Recycler
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    His car is in the garage, and it is going to cost nearly £300 to get it fixed.
    We are having to negotiate how he pays me back for that little nugget.
    Was sorely tempted to say no, but the more he uses my car the more wear and tear and the risk of an accident, as his track record is not brilliant.
    I went and did my Mums shopping and collected a mannequin that a customer wants to borrow so she can hopefully sell off some of her beautiful ball gowns and evening wear.
    I have been trying to get my head into a better space.
    I must remember that I have the power within to change my thoughts from negative into positive and that I am often quite successful at it.
    I stayed in with Dgs2 and sent DS out to collect the others, as he has done little else today. I have also left him to put a tray bake in the oven for the evening meal.
    My little cosy corner is slowly having the diaries affect of calming my unease and bringing me back into a positive state of mind. At last.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • edited 14 January at 8:04PM
    Both_Feet_on_Terra_FirmaBoth_Feet_on_Terra_Firma Forumite
    68 posts
    edited 14 January at 8:04PM
    SS Why are you paying yet again for his vehicle ? he is working virtually full time has no childcare, grocery or bills if my recollection serves me right he has never maintained any vehicle he has ever owned he should have money coming in what is he doing with it £300 is not a vast amount to have in savings when you have no financial responsibilities sorry but i think tough love he either shapes up or ships out are you prepared to bail him out when he is 50? Sorry but he is taking the proverbial wee out of you and its not fair he also needs to take care of his boys when he is not working he is their father not a lodger GRRRR i am so cross as to the outside world he appears to be seriously playing you like a fiddle x
    Keeping both feet on solid ground
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
    11.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Rampant Recycler
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I am getting seriously miffed with him at the moment.
    I tried to talk to him today but he wasn't listening he just sat with his head in his hands.
    I can definitely see me telling him to go after the court case, if he doesn't communicate properly with me about debts etc.
    Another one I didn't know about came through the door today, and they are taking him to court. I asked some questions but he said he couldn't focus on it he was too dizzy! I was on my way out so he was lucky or I might have erupted there and then.
    Dgs2 has some settling in time at Nursery tomorrow, unfortunately it's the exact time he is usually sleeping, so that's going to prove a challenge.
    I am already in bed and about to turn out the lights as I have been a rather out of sorts bunny all day, and I hope that tomorrow I will wake up with a bit more of a spring to my step and a strong resolve to get to the bottom of what the heck DS is doing with his money etc.
    It's definitely foot down time, and an agenda on his debts to repay me as well as who ever else is in the woodwork.

    Here's hoping for a decent sleep and a better day tomorrow.
    Night.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
    70.2K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    I dont know how you do it.
    I really dont.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **
    MFW. 12 months to go. B)
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
Sign In or Register to comment.

Quick links

Essential Money | Who & Where are you? | Work & Benefits | Household and travel | Shopping & Freebies | About MSE | The MoneySavers Arms | Covid-19 & Coronavirus Support