Family inheritance problem

chesky

My daughter's husband was living in a caravan when they met. I get the impression it was a bitter divorce. He gave the house over to his ex in exchange for not paying child support. I'm guessing there won't be too many expectations - no stately homes there.

Scorpio33

You have to decide: Do you want it going to your daughters (which they can then do with what they like) and grandkids

OR

Do you just want it split equally between your grandkids

ultimately what you do is your choice...

Sea_Shell

chesky wrote: »

My granddaughters are adults in their own right - aged 19, 20 and 25 - they're individuals, not just my daughters' daughters. I try to treat them equally as individuals.

Do your Granddaughters have partners or spouses yet?
Might "your money" end up in the wrong hands, if something were to happen to them?
Are you happy that your GD's might not spend any inheritance wisely (in your eyes)?

warby68

I actually think you've allowed for such a situation already by reducing the amount which goes to your daughters - you are only talking about 20% of your estate. It doesn't seem worth the grief of interfering further with your daughter's will. There is no guarantee that your grandaughters won't use their inheritance in ways you don't approve of.

Also not sure everyone would agree that your divide by 5 plan is fair either as it sees one daughter's family get 60% and the other 40%.

There is no 'perfect' outcome, Even if you stick 50/50 straight to next generation , if the beneficiaries are in different circumstances they may not think even an equal split is fair.

If you hold your daughter in high regard, then she will probably have good reasons and the potential for conflict is high if you interfere too much.

chesky

I have never said I would try to make her change her mind. Please read my first post again and what it actually says.
Only wondering whether I should change any of my own decisions in the light of hers. I may well not do anything. I don't know how any of them will spend their inheritances and, quite frankly, I don't care. I've tried to treat everyone fairly.
It just seems strange to me to treat a couple of strangers - they've met once - who don't have anything to do with their father for five years, the same way as people who are part of the family in a real way. And by that I don't mean financially but by caring for their stepfather and participating in doing stuff together.

74jax

chesky wrote: »

It just seems strange to me to treat a couple of strangers - they've met once - who don't have anything to do with their father for five years, the same way as people who are part of the family in a real way. And by that I don't mean financially but by caring for their stepfather and participating in doing stuff together.

I think you need to step back. You don't have to understand. They do as a family. They have clearly decided to treat all children the same. Their choice and you don't have to understand why.

If you don't care what she spend her money on, leave it to her to get on with. Maybe she'll spend it all and not have anything to leave anyone. Maybe she won't. You won't be here anyway and it really won't matter what you think anymore.

Or, spend your money now and stop worrying about what will happen when you are no longer here.

warby68

chesky wrote: »

I have never said I would try to make her change her mind. Please read my first post again and what it actually says.
Only wondering whether I should change any of my own decisions in the light of hers. I may well not do anything. I don't know how any of them will spend their inheritances and, quite frankly, I don't care. I've tried to treat everyone fairly.
It just seems strange to me to treat a couple of strangers - they've met once - who don't have anything to do with their father for five years, the same way as people who are part of the family in a real way. And by that I don't mean financially but by caring for their stepfather and participating in doing stuff together.

Apologies, I realise you were only considering your own response.

I made the mistaken assumption that your daughters knew what was in your will and so you would also make them aware of any change.

I know not everyone does it but letting family members know what to expect seems better than an unexpected situation after you die which could be even more upsetting.

I DO get your point about apparent strangers but this is probably about her husband and his feelings and not the sons as such.

peachyprice

chesky wrote: »

I don't think you read properly - I don't have any problem with her husband or the son who keeps in touch, just the three who haven't.

I don't think it's your place to judge what your daughter does with her own money.

You seem to think that her new husband should not be treating his children equally. Would you do that? If one of your daughters didn't keep in touch would you cut her out of your will just because your mother-in-law thinks she has a say in your finances?

onwards&upwards

chesky wrote: »

I have never said I would try to make her change her mind. Please read my first post again and what it actually says.
Only wondering whether I should change any of my own decisions in the light of hers. I may well not do anything. I don't know how any of them will spend their inheritances and, quite frankly, I don't care. I've tried to treat everyone fairly.
It just seems strange to me to treat a couple of strangers - they've met once - who don't have anything to do with their father for five years, the same way as people who are part of the family in a real way. And by that I don't mean financially but by caring for their stepfather and participating in doing stuff together.

I really hope your daughter and son in law never find out you refer to his children as ‘a couple of strangers’.

Primrose

Family relationships are always complicated but just as your daughter has the right to make her will as she wishes, so do you. i think it highly likely that she and her husband will have made mirror wills to avoid arguments.

I think you have several choices, but the two main ones being:

1. Leave this particular daughter's share of your inheritance in trust so that she can use the income during her lifetime, but on her death, her share is divided equally between your grandaughters. This of course would mean appointing trustees and in the event of avoiding family arguments this might mean appointing solicitors or family friends as trustees.

2. Leave this particular daughter out of your will and leave the money directly to your granddaughters but leave her an explanatory letter saying why you made the decision.