Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 4 - The Aftermath

SpekySquarehead

My gran said to me recently, "health is wealth", which I do think is true. Getting thin, as you put it, is a really tough target to give anyone as it's a bit too vague and focuses more on the aesthetics. It's takes your body a while to adjust but eating and drinking right, with a little bit of exercise, and you'll feel the benefits in your sleep, mood and mental health. It ain't easy. If it was, everyone would do it. But it's worth it if you feel like your a bit of a rut.

You seem to be filled with motivation, which is hugely inspiring given the difficult spinning plates you have at the moment. I certainly couldn't cope! Keep up the awesome work and have a lovely weekend CCL.

f0xh0les

I thought the same ccl, and then I got thin, down to 'goal weight' and I did not even look like me, let alone feel like me. I was sodding miserable, it took so much time keeping down to even the top end of my 'healthy weight range', and I was actually considering divorce. Which is weird, as I adore him. I was in a funny place in my head - DH still has no idea - and I was surrounded by a circle of slightly older female friends who had all been divorced, and I think it coloured my view for a couple of months until I snapped out of it.

So, getting thin will solve nothing except type 2 diabetes and creaky knees. Losing weight might help, but the whole 'thin' thing is not a solution to anything. Go for healthy and positive, and FUN to be with.

crazy_cat_lady

Hey
Quick check in before I pack up for the weekend and head home. I'm still exhausted so I'm planning to get home and relax. I may not end up getting online at home - just to slobbing on the sofa then bed :rotfl:
I did look into codependency and I have an awful lot of the symptoms - low self esteem and being a people pleaser. I was the ultimate disappointment from the day I was born you see because my dad wanted a boy. So I was never going to be good enough for him, and that has carried me through my entire life. I always seek other people's approval before I do something, and will often keep other people happy at my own expense, or consider my own views and feelings unimportant compared to others. Looks as though I may need even more therapy - gawd I am one broken human being... My ex reinforced all of those behaviours in me, whilst I allowed him to behave in an unacceptable way - honestly believing that I didn't deserve any better. It's a bit of an eye opener, but a very deeply ingrained opinion of myself so will be hard to challenge. But I am strong and I will challenge it.
Lost another 3.5lb this week. That takes me to 10.5 loss altogether, which I'm thrilled about. Not feeling that motivated today - suspect tiredness and hormones but I am thrilled to be making a difference. I have decided that I don't need to be thin. I just need to be slim enough to not be worrying about the things that currently worry me - like finding clothes to fit, fitting into seats, and people judging me by my size (see codependency)... I need to be thinner than I am - I wish I could say it was about my health Speky, but I really don't care. I just want to look a bit better to the outside world. I know it sounds shallow but it's how I feel. Actually, as I'm typing I think that also links back to codependency as well :rotfl: I think that is going to be my standard excuse for everything now. :rotfl:
Nothing else to report - work, sleep, work, rest, work etc. Will need to work from home this weekend as I have spent my frees today organising a 40th birthday surprise for my boss next week.

beanielou

Great weight loss so far :T

f0xh0les

Brilliant weight loss so far! You are making the right food choices, and you sound perkier. You are trying to figure out the 'why' of the things you feel.

And as to your dad wanting a boy - it is the male genes that determine the sex of a foetus, if there is any disappointment, it should be at himself. (Insert rude word). He obviously did not do a very good pep talk to his testicles. (Insert another funnier rude word).

Chrystal

I wrote a long post earlier and lost the damn thing! :mad:

Anyway the gist of it was: You don't want to be thin.... it just makes people look haggard.

Also you don't need to lose loads of weight every week, if you lose 1lb a week that's nearly 4 stone in a year, and you can lose that 1lb by NOT being on a 'diet', but with healthier eating choices. It becomes habit eventually and the weight stays off.

I'm with you on the codependency about it starting in childhood, and surprising how it can affect every aspect of our lives. It may be a bit too late for me to do anything about it... I'm 70 - well my body is, my mind is still around 16.:rotfl: Having said that if I'm gonna receive the telegram from the Monarch on my 100th birthday then maybe I'll have time to change things a bit. :cool:

Stay positive... we're all rooting for you. ((((hugs)))) X

jwil

Well done on the loss!

Buffythedebtslayer

Good work on the weight loss, I know what you mean re wanting to look better (I think you look great btw) and health not being the prime motivator. I want to be healthy but that idea is so abstract! me looking good in a dress or whatever is more tangible.

Hope work is ok. You have a good weekend Lovely XXX

Treadingwater02

Hey CCL,

Just wanted to pop in and say I think you are amazing and you are doing fantastic!

I think at times it’s hard to listen to our own internal voice and it’s gets lost, we seek validation from others about our own lives and crave that approval because we’ve lost our own sense of “self”. I think it’s hard and I know it’s taken me 18 months and a heck of a lot of soul searching at therapy to recover my own voice and believe and trust in it. I’m a true believer in counselling and when I did it this time I decided I was going to go through all the painful stuff I had been repressing because I wanted my life to be different and I couldn’t do that without working out how I had got to this point in the first place! It’s been painful but at times liberating but I did it at a time I knew I was ready to embrace it.

I always find how we make are life choices interesting and how our fundamental values from family and childhood affect us all the way through our lives. Keep doing what your doing because your doing great!

Xx

crazy_cat_lady

Hello diary lovelies :wave:
I didn't intend to be absent all day yesterday, but I had a lovely day out and about with a friend. Had an early night Friday as I was so exhausted and then was up and about quite early yesterday to take dd to have her acrylics removed (so school can stop whingeing about it now). Took over an hour, then I dropped her back off at home and headed into town to meet one of my friends for lunch.
She had won £300 on bingo on Friday night so insisted lunch was on her, so we went off to all you can eat Chinese buffet as apparently that's her favourite food. I was reasonably restrained :rotfl: She had also bought me a planner. We do a lot of our crochet work together, and I consider her to be my organiser - she tells me what to do and when to do it because she's good at organising stuff and I'm terrible. She has this massive planner that she made herself that I'm quite envious of - it has all sorts of stuff in it - budget, school stuff, kids, meal plans etc - a lot like a bullet journal. I have had planner envy for a long time and she had bought me a starter-planner and told me where to find all of the extra free printable sheets she has in hers. So kind - I hope I can do her some sort of justice with it. I have printed off savings/debt payment sheets, food tracker and meal planners, daily gratitudes and a mood tracker. I shall try my very best. Jeez though, I could have been lost for hours online looking through free printable sheets for planners:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: We had a little wander around the shops - I bought some new pens and then went for a cuppa before heading home. Came home via Mr S because the kids had eaten all of the breaded chicken bits (again):mad: and they never ever tell me that they've helped themselves to the last of them - I just get the fall out that comes along with not having any chicken in the house.
I also got a call from BeeTee about the broadband issues. It appears that the lovely engineer that came out Christmas Eve has in fact fixed the problem and it has only been off once since then, and that was for downloading an update as planned. They are giving me £150 compensation (to my bank not to account) and have also looked into my current package and account - and have reduced the price there from £59 a month to £28 a month. And apparently my account is over £160 in credit anyway so I'm getting a few months off from paying. I'm quite pleased because that means I have a teeny bit of money I wasn't expecting to put towards the massive credit card bill. So all in all yesterday was a pretty good day - good for me and good for my money (or lack of).
Today's plans, relax... I'm still in my jammies. I thought I'd be back to tutoring today but they haven't contacted me and I said I'd wait until I heard from them. I will need to do some school stuff at some point. I need to plan a couple of lessons on global warming and climate change. It should be easy, but it doesn't feel it for some reason... I also still have 2 loads of washing to do - I swear the kids take their clean washing and put it straight in the basket.