Back, determined to be debt free but ever so slightly depressed

Uniscots97

Hi all, I used to post here a lot then decided on a break. Lots of stuff going on in my life, I needed various operations and was on a lot of medication. I've not checked when I was last on but a lot has changed. I'm now mortgage free but not debt free (roughly 30k but it's come down A LOT!). But OH is the problem (sorry I need to vent), the house belongs to me, I pay all the bills and he's constantly asking me for money for fuel for his car, cigarettes, takeaways or wine/beer. Yesterday he asked me for a considerable amount of money (more than I spend on a week's shop) for fuel etc. I said no. So he asked if he could borrow a tenner so he could get to work. I said yes, so tonight he says can he borrow another tenner for cigarettes and I said no. I've just paid for LO's Christmas (he bought one thing at £15, I bought everything else) , paid for all food etc over Christmas and paid other bills including repairs for my car. He stormed off when I said no, he's made it feel like my fault! I feel like crying and sorry I had to vent. I am trying to get rid of the rest of my debt but I can't keep bailing OH out (he earns nearly as much as me). He's recently taken out an extremely large loan which was meant to consolidate his debts and pay me back some of what he owes me, he didn't calculate it right and he gave me 2/3 of what was agreed (and that wasn't the full amount. I also paid his car insurance this year which he's not paid back).

What am I trying to do to get rid of my debt?:

- I'm on Shoppix and Receipthog and just didn't my first payment on ZIPZERO (anyone else use this?)
- I've recently been diagnosed with a medical condition which means I need to exclude certain foods or buy a gluten free version so I'm studying labels. I've found some cheaper alternatives for cereals etc but trying to make things from scratch where I can so I know what goes into it
- going to start listing some of the clothes that LO has grown out of and put money aside for new things
- watching for sales etc for things for LO, I did this for most of Christmas gifts. I also used a friends disney discount. For friends I did small hampers and shopped around (started collecting for Christmas in June)
- I normally shop at Aldi but some things I can't there now I need to exclude certain ingredients so I use Tesco and always do the surveys on the receipt for an extra 25 club card points (I did give the voucher to OH when it came in but I didn't with the recent one as i thought it's me that's spending my money and doing all the hard work.... is that bad?)
- packed lunches nearly every day. Once a month I catch up with a friend for lunch

Probably more but I'll keep posting. I need to sort this out and realise me not lending him money doesn't give him the right to be annoyed at me.

Jox

Welcome back Uniscots! I'm the same with my OH and might give him the heave ho in 2020, time for a fresh start


Good luck with debt busting

MovingForwards

Gave mine the elbow, relocated and cleared my debt, best thing I did

I refused to buy my now ex booze and ciggies (he was / is an alcoholic), and taught him to roll cigarettes as it was a lot cheaper. Maybe your OH could do Rollie's if he wants to carry on smoking.

The vegetarian student cookbook is a couple of quid on eBay, great budget meals, quick to cook and gives shopping lists for the week, you can add meat to them! It lists starters, mains and puddings so you would be able to adapt them to your requirements (I have IBS, amongst other things, and know what it's like scrutinising labels).

I have my Tesco loyalty points to Christmas payout, it might be something for you to consider? They arrive November

Another thing I used to do was move everything 99p and under to a dedicated savings account, everytime I used my debit card or had a direct debit come out my account, I would log in and move the pennies over. My brother started doing it last month and has saved £8 already.

Uniscots97

Thanks Jon and Movingforwards. I needed to vent, but I can't keep going bailing him out. It's me that keeps a roof over our heads, not him. He had a major fall out with my family (due to him drinking) but blamed them. He now tries to male it difficult for me to see them etc.

Thank you for all the suggestions, I'll have a look at the book. Just batch cooked a stew that I can portion up and freeze. Off to scan a load of receipts my Mum gave me.
I'm going to keep posting, keep me on track and keep me sane!! I'll need to update my signature

Karonher

It sounds as of you have 2 LOs not one. Can you arrange that you both have a certain amount each week and when it has gone it has gone? No borrowing may make him decide what he wants rather than trying to have everything. How much of the £30k is yours and how much his or joint?

Unicorn_cottage

What is he spending his money on if he doesn't pay mortgage/rent or bills?

Uniscots97

The 30k is mine, long story. Tried the budgeting with him etc it's never worked that's why I said to him no way would I have a joint account etc. I have got no idea what he spends his money on. He gives me roughly a third of his wages, the rest he says is to pay debt, fuel etc but the numbers just don't add up. I'm now sat here upset as when he 'tidied' earlier he's flung out one of the small parts of LO's favourite toys that Santa brought. The main present

Poppy1984

Hi Uniscots97
Wishing you lots of luck on your debt free journey. Sorry to gate crash thread but would you mind telling me a bit more about the zipzero app please?
I use shoppix already, does zipzero have the same rules about only one receipt from each shop a day as shoppix? Is it simple enough to set up which bill account the money comes off and does it actually work?

Uniscots97

Poppy, I'm pretty new to ZIPZERO. Instead of earning cash that would be paid out to you it's paid towards a bill. You can pay towards any household bill, I chose my Sky bill. I've transferred nearly £3 to it. They're very helpful. Although my Sky bill is direct debit it'll be adjusted based on the amount I overpay.

I hope this helps.

Having some lunch with LO, just toast with butter, some crisps, fruit and a biscuit. OH is sleeping and barely said 2 words to me when he came in. I think he's still upset I wouldn't give him money.

Uploaded the receipts and have another £2ish in ZIPZERO, hit my coin limit in receipthog (never happened before so not sure what that means) and won 10 coins on Shoppix. Yellow stickered beef in the slow cooker for a steak pie for dinner

Spriggan

Hello OP. I don’t mean to offend, and of course there is lots about you that I don’t know, but from reading your posts I just wanted to suggest that it might be worth thinking about what positives your OH is bringing into your life. I don’t just mean financially- it’s not everyone’s strength, and many people are happy to help out loved ones when needed. But it doesn’t really sound like they are there for you at all emotionally. In fact, it sounds like they are something that’s holding you back. Of course there will be other elements to your relationship than what you’ve mentioned here, and only you can really know whether the things in the plus column outweigh those in the negative one!

Poppy1984

Thank you for replying, I'm going to download it and have a look, looks like you've made a good start on the debt busting front x