Money moral dilemma

NeilCr

boliston wrote: »

I would never dream of asking for the money back - if i could afford to lend him the money i would gift it as that would avoid any awkwardness, but i would NEVER get involved with lending money that i needed back

Yes. I see that

I do think it is different if you offer money or someone asks for it. I'd likely not ask for it back but - I guess - there is the danger that niggles will appear. My friend is adamant that he will pay it back - and I am aware that, financially, once the house sale is sorted he will be comfortable money wise

FWIW, I, personally, wouldn't ask in the first place

I appreciate all the responses. It's interesting to see how people view this lending money to a friend dilemma

melanzana

Do you know what the money is for? If it's for a few bills I'd pay them for him and get the details. I would do this willingly for a friend and would not see anyone stuck for heat, electricity, petrol or food.

If it is for day to day spending maybe give him 150 a week or whatever to tide him over. That way you may be able to fund his need without dipping into your investments.

But I agree with others that in your head, you write it off as a gift, and if it is paid back, that's a bonus! You sound very kind.

warby68

I wouldn't generally lend to friends (or family) but £750 is the sort of amount I'd make an exception for, for someone I care about.

I think the crux is whether your friendship will be more damaged by a refusal to help the friend than by the friend not paying back when they have promised to.

If this was a one-off and the reasons seemed genuine, I'd do it. In my mind it would be a gift with any repayment a bonus. That way I wouldn't think less of the friend if they didn't repay and would actually think more of them if they did.

However, I can easily lay my hands on that much if I need to. If you can't find that without breaking into term investments then that might mean you should think twice.

boliston

i think the key is to only lend money you don't rely on being paid back - regard it as a 'bonus' if they pay it back, but don't loose sleep (or the friendship) if they don't

Marvel1

If I can afford to lose it then maybe I would.

£750 is not an amount I can afford to lose.

Jonathan_Kelvin

NeilCr wrote: »

Not through MSE HQ! - so you can get more context if needed

And more for the discussion...

A good friend of mine has asked me to lend him £750. It's to tide him through a difficult period - moving house - and, while, he is not great with money, I know he will pay it back.

I can afford it although it will mean digging into some investments but I have a general dislike for getting involved in financial transactions with friends. I sold my flat to my best mate and that wasn't the best experience. Fortunately (and because we are so close) the friendship survived

I think I know how I am going to handle this but what would you do?

I think that there’s a very large probability that it sours a friendship, if not destroys it.

In my opinion it will very likely go one of two ways, or both. If he fails to pay you back as agreed, you’ll feel resentful every time you see him buy a beer, or he tells you about going on holiday, and if he does repay you he’ll forget what a huge favour it was that you did, and start resenting the fact that he’s handing you money out of his meagre spare, when you are already so much better off than him.

Jox

If you can afford it and he will pay you back then go for it, but there is a chance that he won't pay you back and the relationship may be lost anyway.

I "lent" a friend £350 for a rent deposit in 2012 and gave them an easy repayment plan which they ignored and didn't pay me back because they perceive me to be better off than them purely because I am more sensible with money. We're still friends but it does bother me. They spend a lot on clothes and give me some items they no longer want so maybe they've paid me back in clothes over the years.

LilElvis

boliston wrote: »

i think the key is to only lend money you don't rely on being paid back - regard it as a 'bonus' if they pay it back, but don't loose sleep (or the friendship) if they don't

From experience this is the only way to be comfortable with "lending" money. My husband's best friend, who lives overseas, lost his job and tied housing and needed a substantial amount of money to start a new business so husband stumped up the money as a loan to buy the machinery and also paid for a couple of years of the children's private schooling as income levels were still low. The children are now mid thirties, the JCB is long gone and we haven't seen a penny of the >£30k that was "loaned". It's never been an issue - they're still just rubbing by and we were glad that we could help - and realistically we knew the chances of being repaid were slim.

Zero_Sum

If you are needing to draw down investments, Id argue you cant afford to loan the money.

Zero_Sum

Jox wrote: »

If you can afford it and he will pay you back then go for it, but there is a chance that he won't pay you back and the relationship may be lost anyway.

I "lent" a friend £350 for a rent deposit in 2012 and gave them an easy repayment plan which they ignored and didn't pay me back because they perceive me to be better off than them purely because I am more sensible with money. We're still friends but it does bother me. They spend a lot on clothes and give me some items they no longer want so maybe they've paid me back in clothes over the years.

See, Id view that your 'friend' is completely mugging you off.
Fair enough if they are genuinely hard up & cant afford it. But I tend to find in cases like this is they "cant afford" to pay you back cos they just spend it on stuff they dont need. And as far as im concerned its just theft.

My OH is in a similar situation with a 'friend'. She's still on ok-ish terms with her, But i wont have anything to do with her as she's being mugged off & lied to by her.

A real friend would make a genuine effort to repay you. Spending is just rubbing your nose in it.