Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my mum for using my gift card to buy present for my kids?

Accountant_Kerry · 11 December 2019 at 9:37AM

Its totally fair, she was Xmas shopping and you paid regardless of how, the agreement was for her to pay you back, how you paid was irrelevant.

Accountant_Kerry · 11 December 2019 at 9:41AM

badders82 wrote: »

Maybe you could ask her to just knock it off the £150,000 bill she spent on you up to the age of 18, which is the national average for raising a child nowadays.

I dont think the OP has mentioned their mother presenting them with a bill for £150k for raising them

phoenix1837 · 11 December 2019 at 10:08AM

I think it is completely fair. She was Xmas shopping and buying presents for your children, therefore if she doesn't reimburse you fully, part of the gifts are from you.

And all those saying that she should remember everything spent on her growing up, it's completely irrelevant. A child doesn't ask to be born and that's part and parcel of having a child, you pay for them. She certainly doesn't need to be compensating her mum for being born!

mancfrank · 11 December 2019 at 10:26AM

I think she would not be happy if she thought you were subsidizing her for gifts to her grandchildren.

mancfrank · 11 December 2019 at 10:30AM

Rich2808 wrote: »

Is it ok for your Mum to recover all of her money she spent on clothing, feeding and housing you when you were a child.

Don’t be a tightwad - you only have one mum!

Where would this stop?
Give her money any time she choses to buy a gift.
Parents love to give to their children and grandchildren no matter hw old, you're suggesting that this please should be taken away from her because.....

_witm_ · 11 December 2019 at 10:56AM

The agreement was for your rmum to pay for her purchases, and she seems happy with that.
If it was all paid in cash, then she would simply give you her amount and that would be the end of it.

However I believe the dilemma is that some of it was paid with 'free' money (the amount on the gift card) and you're unsure whether to pass that 'free money' onto your mother automatically or keep it for yourself (ie she pays you for the exact amount her purchases came to).

Taking the shopping out of it for a second, I think this comes down to whether you would, at another time, gift your mum a gift card that was meant for you, (I have happily and freely given away gift cards to my partner and family on occasion).

However, if you choose to then you can either let you rmum know of your generosity, and thus explain why she's paying you less then what her purchases came to...OR...you can simply be generous, not mention it and just be happy knowing that.

dashboard · 11 December 2019 at 11:00AM

Did you use your mum as a convenience to offload the gift card that you were struggling to use? if so then a discount on it would be fairer than charging the full amount.
'Darkness is cheap and Scrooge liked it'

Middlestitch · 11 December 2019 at 11:03AM

The usual non-dilemma...

newwiseman · 11 December 2019 at 11:52AM

Its no different than paying you back if it had all been on your credit/debit card. Your mum would probably be upset if she thought you were paying for the presents she wanted to give to your children. If you want to treat your mum thats fine but don't link it to her gifts to your children.

primrose_penguin · 11 December 2019 at 12:16PM

I don't really understand why you gave her the gift card to use if you expected her to pay you for it, why didn't you use it yourself unless it was for a shop you were not buying in. You obviously do not feel comfortable yourself about it or you would not have asked the question. Why not have half each?