Marriage in my position

Sea_Shell

Ask yourself this question...

Would you be happy for your partner (if now wife) to inherit everything of yours and not leave anything to your own children?

Yes, you can write a will to avoid this happening, but it could get messy.

Do you currently have a will? Marrying will revoke this will. (as I think we can assume it wasn't written in contemplation, given the circumstances)

pmlindyloo

It would be good to know how old your companion.

How do you arrange your life? Does she 'stay over'/spend more time with you than at her own house? How independent is her son? What are his problems?

The answers to all these questions may make a difference.

If you don't want to lose her friendship why don't you move in together and see how it goes?

I wonder if your children are worried about their inheritance or do they just dislike your woman?

I also wonder if you are looking at this in rather a one sided way. It seems to be all about whether this will 'upset' your life. What about if in 10 years time you are grateful to have your companion with you, especially if you need someone to care for you (not suggesting this would happen).

mattpaint

Your partner sounds like a user.

She seems determined to get your money by way of marriage in order to continue her fantasy life of never having to work to support herself.

I couldn't be with someone with so little self-respect.

Listen to your daughters and find someone who isn't desperate for a meal ticket.

Flix21

It’s hard to give advice when you don’t know the full facts, but from reading your replies I think deep down your cautious for good reason.

I’ll give you my family example: my mother got a decent amount of money when she separated from my dad. I was a teenager at the time. She then dated a couple of men but it never went anywhere. Then she met this man, who quickly moved in with her. It later turned out he’d been turned out by his second wife and had nowhere to live. He then sponged off my mother for a year before he finally got a job. He soon proposed to my mum and she accepted. Despite the big red flags, I tried to give my opinion diplomatically but at the end of the day it was her choice.
Over the years he frittered away all her savings and got himself into further debt. She admitted to me before she died he wasn’t a good husband but she was lonely, wanted companionship and he was easy to live with.

Listen to your daughters.

Marvel1

Being keen to marry raises red flags for me, she wants the house/money.

Gavin83

I agree with some of the others, the whole situation would raise major red flags for me. If you don’t want to get married (and you really shouldn’t) then tell her you never want to marry again and see what she does. If she leaves you then you’ve had a lucky break and you can go on to find someone more suitable.

Mojisola

Tpockle wrote: »

I have two adult daughters from my first marriage, both of whom are married with young children of their own. The relationship has broken down between my daughters and my partner due to these issues we are having. They are firmly opposed to me marrying her. Their mother remarried however 15 years ago and they get along well with him, but he is in very different circumstances.

I do love her and don’t want to lose her but I have never felt there would be any reason for me marry anyone again. I do also have reservations about living with someone else as well. I feel completely stuck.

If you marry, the chances are that the relationship between you and your daughters will also break down - is that a price worth paying for a marriage that you don't really seem to want?

They may be wrong about her but they probably won't come round if you do marry. Have they explained to you why they are against it - is it that they see their expected inheritance going elsewhere?

If you marry and her son asks if he can move in with you, could you stand up to your wife and refuse and would the marriage survive if you did?

Whatever the final decision, don't marry until you have tried living together - being with someone 24/7 when you've been used to your own space can be too much, no matter how much you enjoy each other's company in smaller doses.

cr1mson

Have you discussed why she wants to get married? It just may be that is the ways she sees relationships working and that there is no desire to look to you for financial security. I know people who have got married purely as they have seen it as logical next step rather than being a real conscious decision.

mrschaucer

Tpockle wrote: »

however she does not own her own home, has debts, and has never worked, therefore she also has no pension. The reason for this is because she has spent the last 30 years as a carer for her son. However, her son has more independence now, is in a relationship and may eventually choose to move out. This would mean her current home won’t work for her financially.

She is keen for me to marry her. I never saw myself ever remarrying but it is becoming a major issue. I have always been very risk averse but I do not want to lose her or her companionship.

There is absolutely NO reason for you two to marry! You can carry on as you are for the foreseeable future, and then if the son moves out have a rethink. If she can't afford her home at that point, then she could move in with you to see how you get on, if you are still together, and even then you don't have to get wed. The only one bringing up the question of marriage is your friend, and it seems you are being bulldozed into something you are not ready for.

Silvertabby

If in doubt .... don't.