Keeping Going For My Furbabies

astrocytic_kitten

I’m so angry on your behalf, StartingAgain, your ex was the one who walked out and now he’s trying to act hard done by? Grrr. Especially as you were feeling so good about things!

StartingAgainAt29

Hi lindens, thanks I'll have a look!

I know astrocytic kitten this is why I get so angry/upset, he just won't (or can't) see it how it really is.

So yesterday I was in a bit of a state, almost cried at work but got through it. I have blocked him on SM, including the boys' insta, which he was using to snoop on me. He's blocked on whatsapp, and I have removed myself from a whatsapp group where that group of friends goes out once a month to a restaurant of someone's choice. Just after he had emailed me, he was posting on that group GIFs and being all happy, and I just lost it. I can't afford these nights out anyway, as they're always really expensive (and usually boring Italian!), and I have to remove myself from a situation where I might see him, or have to see his messages. So I messaged the group and was honest, said I don't feel comfortable being in this group anymore, so I'm going to bow out. Did make me feel better. I've also decided not to reply to anything now from ex unless it's urgent - ie if it's about him coming round to decorate, or later about selling. I'm withdrawing from this tit for tat now, this is my line in the sand.

I came home and watched Titanic as it's long and I knew it would take my mind off. By about an hour in I felt better. I got myself my monthly takeaway (it's not official but it's becoming that way lol) which was £11, maybe unnecessary but sod it I'd had a bad day! Plus it was yummy.

I went to yoga today, was the last session on my yoga pass so have to decide if I'll just continue PAYG (£10 a time) or get another pass. I won't be able to go for a few weeks now anyway. Got my car MOT'd, it passed with advisories (although my brakepads were fine, which was a surprise), I need a new tyre and something about a pin in the suspension, it's not urgent so I'm going to get that done maybe in March. I don't drive very often anymore, and I do have some money set aside. Plus, my step-dad decided to pay for it as my Xmas present, so I gratefully accepted!

I spent £1 on some bananas, but that's it. Tomorrow should be a NSD as I'm running, then cleaning, then doing the work I couldn't get done on Friday afternoon (thanks ex ) My mum helped with the stuff in the spare room, some of it has gone to hers, some of it went in the bin, and some I've put in the boiler cupboard. He will not be able to moan at me now as everything in that room is his (well I'm sure he'll find something but I've made it hard for him!)

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I'm going to have some wine, stuff my face to prepare for 7 miles tomorrow, and hopefully get a good sleep! Cat2 knocked over the big mirror at 6am this morning, god knows what the downstairs neighbours thought!! Just so glad it didn't shatter :eek:

little_green

StartingAgainAt29 wrote: »

Hi lindens, thanks I'll have a look!

I know astrocytic kitten this is why I get so angry/upset, he just won't (or can't) see it how it really is.

So yesterday I was in a bit of a state, almost cried at work but got through it. I have blocked him on SM, including the boys' insta, which he was using to snoop on me. He's blocked on whatsapp, and I have removed myself from a whatsapp group where that group of friends goes out once a month to a restaurant of someone's choice. Just after he had emailed me, he was posting on that group GIFs and being all happy, and I just lost it. I can't afford these nights out anyway, as they're always really expensive (and usually boring Italian!), and I have to remove myself from a situation where I might see him, or have to see his messages. So I messaged the group and was honest, said I don't feel comfortable being in this group anymore, so I'm going to bow out. Did make me feel better. I've also decided not to reply to anything now from ex unless it's urgent - ie if it's about him coming round to decorate, or later about selling. I'm withdrawing from this tit for tat now, this is my line in the sand.

I came home and watched Titanic as it's long and I knew it would take my mind off. By about an hour in I felt better. I got myself my monthly takeaway (it's not official but it's becoming that way lol) which was £11, maybe unnecessary but sod it I'd had a bad day! Plus it was yummy.

I went to yoga today, was the last session on my yoga pass so have to decide if I'll just continue PAYG (£10 a time) or get another pass. I won't be able to go for a few weeks now anyway. Got my car MOT'd, it passed with advisories (although my brakepads were fine, which was a surprise), I need a new tyre and something about a pin in the suspension, it's not urgent so I'm going to get that done maybe in March. I don't drive very often anymore, and I do have some money set aside. Plus, my step-dad decided to pay for it as my Xmas present, so I gratefully accepted!

I spent £1 on some bananas, but that's it. Tomorrow should be a NSD as I'm running, then cleaning, then doing the work I couldn't get done on Friday afternoon (thanks ex ) My mum helped with the stuff in the spare room, some of it has gone to hers, some of it went in the bin, and some I've put in the boiler cupboard. He will not be able to moan at me now as everything in that room is his (well I'm sure he'll find something but I've made it hard for him!)

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I'm going to have some wine, stuff my face to prepare for 7 miles tomorrow, and hopefully get a good sleep! Cat2 knocked over the big mirror at 6am this morning, god knows what the downstairs neighbours thought!! Just so glad it didn't shatter :eek:

£11 for takeout is pretty good for a single person take out so sounds like a sensible treat.
Think stopping most contact apart from the essentials with ex is good for you, sensible, strong decision not easy so good on you.

StartingAgainAt29

Thanks for the encouragement little_green!

Quick catch up at work -
I ran my 7 miles yesterday, quite easy really, chuffed with my progress. My brother brought my nephew round after, was a surprise visit and really nice to see him and have a run around playing.

I did spend over the weekend on ebay :eek:. I bought two more tops, spent £9.90 in total. These are both going out tops, not black! I'm going to stop looking now, but I'm glad to have some nice stuff to wear so that when I do have plans I'm not rushing out at the last minute feeling like I need to buy something.
I spent the rest of the day cleaning, and cooked lentil bolognese which made 8 portions. 5 in the freezer, ate one last night, one tonight, and one on Wednesday lol.

My mum gave me £15 on Saturday as that was the last of the money she was going to spend on me for xmas. So I've put it in the bank today, to put alongside my dad's money to get new trainers. I then had an impromptu look at New Look - I've been desperate for new boots and I managed to find some nice ones for £27.99. My last NL ones lasted me 3 years. I'm thinking I'll take some money out of my xmas fund for them, rather than dip into my every day money. I'm wearing them now at my desk to make sure I like them :rotfl: if I'm unsure later I'll just take them back.

Note to self - no more clothes shopping!!

StartingAgainAt29

Oh yeah, I meant to mention - I read the book "The unexpected joy of being sober" over the last week. Not because I feel I have an issue, I drank a LOT when I was at uni, I think I was dependant on it then (I had a couple of major traumas at uni and I got through them by partying and drinking too much), but nowadays I don't drink as much. But, I worry that I rely on it a bit socially, and then I do have those days after where I think, "why did I say that?", "wow I bet they were so annoyed with me", like those paranoia-type feelings. I don't want to feel like that. Reading the spiral the author had, and how she felt once she got sober, it really made me think. I do like a drink, and when I was with my ex if I was around his family I drank too much because they did. It made me feel horrible, but I went along with it because it felt good at the time. I absolutely hate hangovers, and hate myself when I have them because it's my fault.

I'm not sure that I would quit forever, but I'm thinking of stopping for now until my half-marathon. It will help my running anyway as you're always going to run better with no toxins in your system, and I'll be interested to see if it affects my mood at all. I do have a couple of social events coming up, but I should be ok not to drink, plus it should save me some money in the meantime.

I'm interested to see if I struggle. I realised that I haven't actually had an extended period of time since I started drinking at 18 where I didn't drink. This is Day 2! :A

lena_halo

Just read through your diary and wanted to drop in and say hello and that wow, you have had a turbulent couple of months but sounds like you are being so strong and dealing with everything so well! Keep your head up and keep smiling. I'm sure the furbabies help!!

If you want any advice on your flat and your rights etc, you could start a thread in the House Buying and Renting forum. There's some really knowledgeable people on there who might be able to advise on what you should do or what you can do in your situation. One thing I would say is don't move out, no matter what! You're in the strongest position by staying put! But many more knowledgeable people on that forum would be able to offer some good advice if you need it.

Keep being strong, you're doing great!

StartingAgainAt29

Hi lena thanks so much for reading and for the encouragement! I often wonder if my diary comes across a bit erratic so am pleasantly surprised when people say they are reading! I am definitely staying put in the flat, don't worry! I've told ex I will be here until the day it completes (much to his chargrin I'm sure!)

Hello everyone, hope you are all safe in Storm Brendan! Today has been a NSD for me. I've had what I think is either a sinus or stress headache a lot of the afternoon. I was due to run tonight, but with the wind how it is I don't really fancy it, especially in the dark. My back's feeling a bit sore too, so think I'll just do some relaxing yoga instead.

Last night I paid the ground rent, so that's one thing off the list.

I discovered on Sunday that cat2 can now jump from the floor onto the breakfast bar, he was doing so to get his toy down! (It was kept up there as he was popping the balls out and making noise overnight :rotfl:) It worries me, not only because it was the one place safe from him, but also because it's so high he might hurt himself when he jumps down. Does anyone have advice?? It's hard floor in the living room and I don't want an expensive vet bill!!

Beans on toast for dinner tonight to give myself a break from lentils :rotfl: I'm reading a novel called Plume, I got it on my library app and hadn't heard of it before, but it's gritty and real life and is set in and around East London which is where I live. I used to write a lot when I was younger, and there's something about this book that makes me want to write again. That's one thing that stopped while I was with my ex, it might be a good way for me to process what's going on.

I found out on Sunday that my dad was in hospital over the weekend, think it was a UTI although it's difficult getting info out of him as he's not good with his phone. He's home now, and he's ok, I'll have to go over and see him on the weekend as I haven't seen him in a while, and I haven't seen his new place.

Think that's it for now. Hope everyone has a good evening

little_green

StartingAgainAt29 wrote: »

Hi lena thanks so much for reading and for the encouragement! I often wonder if my diary comes across a bit erratic so am pleasantly surprised when people say they are reading!

you're diary is one of the things in the day I look forward to, so if it's erratic then that maybe says more about me than you :rotfl:

StartingAgainAt29

little_green I'm so glad to hear someone enjoys my erratic ramblings :rotfl:

I had a mini fashion show last night with the new shirt and my new boots - I like both I am particularly pleased with the boots, I'm hoping they last me a while. The cats were unimpressed with my performance as they thought I was going out

Today is a spend day as I have to go to Aldi later, I didn't have lunch to bring but then I found a rice pot in the cupboard. Isn't what I wanted but it saves me venturing out in the wind. I have bought a shampoo bar though - there's this app called "hold", where you essentially put your phone on hold for 20 minutes at a time, and you collect points. I do it at work usually because I am guilty of picking my phone up regularly and mindlessly. I like it because you can get a free popcorn at Vue Anyway I went on the app today, and I saw you can use your points to claim a free shampoo bar from a new company (you have to pay p&p). I've wanted to get into shampoo bars mainly for the plastic aspect, and because I've heard they last a long time. I thought about using Lush but I hate going into their stores (I am an introvert and when someone shouts across the room and runs up to me I'm going to run the other direction :rotfl:) and I've heard some stuff about their owners that makes me think twice. I've chosen a cocoa butter one, they say it lasts 60 washes. I wash my hair every 5 days, so with that plus the mostly empty bottles I have in the shower I reckon that will last me all year! That was £3.95. This company also does facial spf, so I might try that next as it's cheaper than my current one.

So as I mentioned I need to go to Aldi later, I have my list. I'm hoping I can get it for around £15, if not definitely under £20. Need to do my glass recycling and pick up my prescriptions on the way. I'm so glad for my pre-payment card, £10.40 a month is definitely worth it!

StartingAgainAt29

Quick check-in before I settle down for the evening -
Spent £20.22 on petrol, I had that in the petrol fund. Dropped off my glass for recycling, picked up my prescriptions, and went to Aldi. I spent more than budgeted I spent £23.75. BUT, I realised I had to buy the boys their dry food, and the work snacks is what tipped it over the edge - as I exercise I get hangry quite regularly, so need these snacks to tide me over. They're healthy nut bar things from Aldi, really nice and much cheaper than buying them seperately elsewhere. I have just under £20 in my grocery budget for the rest of the month, and that's to cover two more shops :think: will have to be creative I think! I won't starve, just need to be sensible :rotfl:

I did see a recipe on FB earlier today, that was essentially peanut butter and rolled oats, frozen, into cookies. I have a huge tub of PB as ex bought it on one of his many health kicks, and I have oats. Maybe I could make them next week to tide me over snack-wise.

Off to make some pasta to go with my (third portion!) lentil bolognese.

Hope everyone has a good evening! :A