Keeping Going For My Furbabies

[Deleted User]

Just stopping by very quickly to say most of the estate agents up here are doing options of videos and/or 'virtual viewings' in place of actually having people viewing properties in person. Far safer, so it's worth looking at some in your area to see what they are offering. It may be different up here, especially in this town, as we tend towards 'open' viewings on a Sunday afternoon and Thursday evening, where anyone can rock up, so a virtual approach is definitely safer. Worth a google or two  

Your weekend sounds lovely, I'm very jealous PD goes in a huff when I've been away, but she's quite dim, so she also forgets quite easily

StartingAgainAt29

Thanks for popping in @[Deleted User]! It's interesting what you say about virtual viewings...we were looking at going with Purple Bricks as the fee for a traditional EA was extremely high. Not sure if virtual viewings would be an option with PB though. Need to do more research!
Aww cats are funny aren't they! When I lived at home I was extremely close to her cat, if I went anywhere he'd outright ignore me for 5 days! 

StartingAgainAt29

Ok I've sat here and I've applied for 7 jobs, not sure if any stand out as the "perfect" role but getting my CV out there is important. My scary task of the day is to phone a local EA for advice on the local area, I told ex I would do so to get an idea of how to proceed with putting it on the market etc. The email exchange yesterday went fine so that's one load of my shoulders. I generally hate speaking on the phone when I don't know who I'm calling lol, so this should be fun. 
I got paid today and moved my money all around. I've added £100 back to my savings, and cashed out £7.06 on PA so that's gone into my general spending. I'm hoping that being more generous with myself will stop the ad-hoc spending and raiding of other pots, which I've been doing too much of lately! 
I'm seeing the osteopath today rather than yesterday, so hoping she can sort my back out. It's always sore after though so will need to take those anti-inflammatories!

Ok, need to have some lunch and then make that call 

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, well you make plans and God laughs...

I made the phone call to the EA on Tuesday, I suppose it was positive in that he says the local market is moving and the price I mentioned to him sounds doable. I emailed my ex to let him and know and see if he wanted me to get a quote from this EA as he seemed very friendly, and I would feel comfortable using a local agent like that. I went to the osteopath and got my back sorted, was needed. I then blew my takeaway schedule and got my Friday takeaway whoops

Then Wednesday I woke up feeling hungover (wasn't hungover, I'm doing Dry July), and as the day went on it turned into a full blown migraine, that lasted until yesterday and a little bit of today. I literally couldn't do anything bar feed the boys, and make simple meals for myself. It's very easy for my mood to plummet when this happens, as I had a whole list of things to get done this week. My mum came round on Thursday, and we came to the conclusion that a lot of this is being triggered by stress. Me worrying about the flat, and worrying about not having a job when my payments run out. I've been taking a lot of what ex and his mum said to be back in March and using it as a stick to beat myself with (cleanliness etc). I've had a good think, and I'm thinking of myself as a victim of my circumstances, and I hate being out of control which is why I feel like I'm spinning, so I need to try and take control back in the ways that I can. That means thinking about the flat sale and moving back to my mum's as a good thing - sure it'll be less space, but it'll be less money, I can stay there as long as I want to, and it'll be my space and I won't have to worry about it being someone else's (ok it's my mum's, but it's not like it's my ex's space anymore). Plus hopefully I will get some money out of it which I can use for the future. Also the job sitch - it wasn't an ideal situation, but it was my decision, I made the right one for me and my health. I have lots of skills that can be used either office based or in retail if needs be until I get back on my feet. Plus I have family around me so I won't starve, neither will be my boys.

Yesterday as I felt a bit better I did some housework that I had been putting off, and the flat looks better for it. I also emailed ex to tell him about my health issues just so he knows if I go AWOL for a few days I'm not being difficult. I read some of my bookclub book and watched a long film. Yesterday was the best day of the week. Today I woke up headachy, and my stomach is bad, but I've been for a walk, finished my bookclub book, and just generally pottered around. I have been stopping myself buying a takeaway all day, for each meal. I need to remember that each time I get one that's less money for something else. I haven't actually had lunch today so will make marmite pasta in a bit. I was going to change my bedding but Cat1 got on there and ofc he can't be disturbed

Talking of the boys, it's their second birthday tomorrow! They're from two litters born two days apart so I combined it. Time really does fly. I only remembered today so I haven't got them anything special (and let's be honest, they have enough toys, I could bring out something from the depths of their toy box and present it as new), but last year I got a birthday cake hat made for them by a woman on ebay who does me these wonderful hats. Anyway, I will stick that on them the best I can, take a pic, and my mum and brother will come over tomorrow eve, think we're going to get a takeaway (that is getting me over buying one for myself tonight lol). I need to go to Aldi tomorrow, I haven't planned out next week's meals so need to have a look. I will definitely need some meat as I haven't got anything now since I used up the last of my chicken breasts.

I'm going to sign up to a NHS workshop on coping with emotions and building resiliance, even if it's things I know it'll be good to be reminded, and if I learn some new techniques then great. I will do some more job applications, I need to phone the EA for a quote and liaise with ex about that. I still get terrified reading his emails but I need to change my thinking - he's actually gone back to his normal, low-ley self since he acted the fool earlier this year. If anything I'm sure he's afraid of me lol. Need to get my feistinesss back.

Sorry not much money stuff today, I have done some spending but nothing major to report. I'm definitely feeling more tempted while my mood is so low, almost signed up to some new subscription boxes but stopped myself! Next month is my birthday (my 30th :O) so I need to think about what I can do to treat myself - not necessarily what I can buy, but what I can do that I know I will love. I was thinking during my walk today, I've read about "treating yourself" to things you enjoy to keep momentum etc, but not necessarily spending money. I don't know what I can do as a treat to myself that I don't already do? If anyone has any suggestions about what they do to treat themselves free/cheap I'm all ears! I feel like I'm being thick

Anyway, my tummy's rumbling so I'll head off, and see if Sir Cat1 has got off the bed so I can change the sheets. Enjoy the remains of your weekend!

Bogof_OAP

I assumed your boys were older than that, hey they're not far past being kittens.  Hope they have a lovely birthday, I'm sure they won't mind not having new stuff to play with, unless you have a spare cardboard box lying around!

Good luck with progressing the flat sale, if you price it realistically I expect there will be quite a lot of interest as people haven't been able to think about moving for so long. 

astrocytic_kitten

Yay for the birthday boys! Sounds like an excellent day you have planned for them. 

I bought a fair bit of rubbish around my 30th feeling the need to mark it somehow but not sure how...this was way before LBM 😂 Your way is definitely better! Not sure if this is any use, but an exercise someone had me do recently was to think about what makes a day a good day for me and to put those things in practice every day. It really helped me turn my thinking around - doing yoga daily had started to feel like a chore but it made me realise it’s actually a treat. So for me it’s things like reading a book, having time to rest, yoga, meditating, having some form of social contact but no social media, getting outside, looking after plants, baking (not that I bake every day, but I’ve stopped feeling guilty about baking and then eating the results over the next few days), eating actual meals (I’m terrible for living off toast and cereal when I’m struggling/tired/overwhelmed which just makes things worse). I was having a pain flare up last week and also let myself snuggle down on the sofa for a day watching trashy telly and not feeling the need to do anything. I think the key is to find something that you really love, and to do it guilt-free. Honestly, sometimes just staying in my pjs all day feels like a treat. I often do all the things I ‘should’ do and then try to fit in the nice stuff around that but now I’m trying working to the other way round - good stuff first, then fit in the bare minimum of the ‘shoulds’ around that.

You’ve got such a huge amount on your plate though. Much easier said than done, but remember that we all agreed at the time that ex’s mother was being ridiculous and there’s nothing wrong with your housekeeping! I hope the flat sale progresses smoothly and you can escape to a room of your own soon.

StartingAgainAt29

Thanks @Bogof_OAP and @astrocytic_kitten for your replies! AK what you've said makes sense, I never "let" myself have a day like that, I end up doing it then feeling guilty, I need to change my perspective.

I feel like my life is a bit of a joke ATM, and this is StartingAgain's pity party! I'm assuming the boys had a good bday yesterday as they can't tell me. I was mega surprised because ex sent a gift for them, this mechanised fish thing which Cat1 loves and Cat2 is scared of. But when I woke up I realised I couldn't see out of the top of my left eye. Plus my eye is really painful, especially if I move it. I've had migraines with aura before but never like this. The day went on and there was no change, so I called my optician in tears and asked if I could be seen. They did a scan of my eyes (£25 down from medical fund), and he said there was nothing wrong with my eyes, that he thinks it's neurological. Like ok, good news that it's not my retina, but doesn't give me any answers. I did buy takeaway for £18 when I got home as I was really scared and just felt like poo and didn't want to cook. Woke up today and there's no change, if anything it's worse. I went to an eye clinic that's attached to my local hospital, had more tests done, and I've got optic neuritis, which is inflammation of the optic nerve. She said on the surface my eye looks fine, which is why I got the all clear from the optician, but actually my pupil isn't responding as it should, I have no colour vision in that eye, etc. I've been referred to the hospital for an MRI, and I may need steroids, although it can go away on its own. She said it's normally triggered by an infection or something of that nature. I've been ill, but not like that. I asked if migraines could cause it and she said it's unlikely. So yeah.

I went to Aldi on the way home (walking) and spent £16, although I had a time making my way round there as I'd had so many eye drops plus my dodgy eye I couldn't really properly. I've come home and had a good cry, and now I'm trying to make a plan. I've clearly got masses amounts of inflammation in my body (bladder, bowl, now my eye), so I'm going to do an overhaul of my diet and try to do an anti-inflammatory one. Sod the money I've lost on food in the cupboards, sod the money it will take to buy new, healthier foods, this is my eyesight and I'm not willing to mess with that. I am still in a state of "why me", but that isn't going to get me very far. I'm speaking to my GP tomorrow about going on some long-term migraine medications.

I haven't done anything job related or flat related for obvious reasons but I need to get a move on over the next couple of days. My eye is affecting my ability to see a screen though so it might take some adjustment, even writing this diary I'm finding it quite difficult.

I think I need to start again, again! If anyone has experience with changing to an anti-inflammatory diet please let me know! Or even if you've had experience with optic neuritis.

astrocytic_kitten

That sounds utterly terrifying, what an awful thing to happen on top of everything else. You really have been in the wars lately 🤗

I found cutting out alcohol and sugar to be most helpful in reducing inflammation but from what I’ve heard from others it seems very individual. I’m alcohol free and also caffeine free but I still struggle with sugar, I’ve got a real sweet tooth so I just try to keep a lid on it. To be honest haven’t noticed much of a difference from being caffeine free, I stick to it because it’s easy for me and because it ticks a box for the dr. Dairy is the other big one some people find helps, I don’t have much but I’m ok with some cheese. I try to mostly stick to a Mediterranean / anti inflammatory sort of base diet but I also have lots of toast, a daily hot chocolate, I bake, etc so I don’t stick to it strictly these days. 

I’d suggest focusing on easy food and food you already like as much as possible and increasing those meals, especially given the stress you’re under. If you’re able to look at it as having more of some things you like that’s really helpful. It’s also really easy to get sucked into endless research of vitamins and minerals and supplements you need, and foods to avoid or add, but the most important thing is that it doesn’t add more stress to your life (though I feel like you’ll give a hollow laugh when you read that, how could you NOT be stressed when you’re struggling to see). With stomach problems you also need to watch for anything that will irritate that too so it’s a bit of a balance. I did loads and loads of research on supplements but eventually settled on omega 3 and an a-z multivitamin.

Sending hugs, and I’ll be thinking of you with the MRI.

kmcld2

Have a look at an alkaline diet. I'm quite sure that's a low inflammatory food one. There's loads of recipes on Pinterest if you're on there. Hope you feel better soon. 

[Deleted User]

That does sound terrifying! I know what you mean about migraines with an aura I have had two in the last few months for the first time ever and they were scary enough! X