Dealing with Debt and Depression.

Dinah93

Nope not really, we moved down here 8 months ago, and we have found it really hard to meet people. With not having kids, or there being a gym or anything nearby, it's quite hard to meet new people without going on a scary couples make friends dating site, which i'm sure is going to end up with everyone's car keys in a bowl!

Yeah the last tablets sort of set me off, i'd been feeling a bit blue since moving down here, but i was on top of it, started taking the pills and suddenly i found myself sat on the kitchen floor on a Saturday lunchtime crying because i spilt the orange juice! Even after I'd stopped taking them, it didn't really pick up.

Today I'm doing a little better, my MIL bought me a sewing machine for Christmas, so I'm thinking I could spend a few days learning to sew? Or failing that I could paint again, really enjoy it and used to make a fair bit of money from it, but recently my mind has just been blank when I try to draw anything. I'm working a couple of days he's away, it's just a shame it clashed with some of my annual leave I've put in to use 3 weeks up before the end of march, so i'm actually going to be home alone for 5 full days. I coped when he was away for 5 days at Christmas, and I think I was probably lower then as I was still on the bad bp pills. Trying to be positive today, if he's not here I can sit in my study and paint or sew or read or reorganize things in peace, and watch movies where no one gets eaten by an alien or chased by zombies, and that has to be a good thing once in a while right?

Sassamac

wendy24g wrote: »

Welcome Sassamac

I hope you find this thread helpful and I look forward to seeing what thoughts you have.

Thanks for the welcome, I should probably explain my situation.

I had PND after my son was born. It was short-lived - about 3 months and stemmed from a number of factors; winter (Nov - Feb), not having our own place to live, being overworked and underpaid (went back to work when DS was 4 months old) and probably a build up of stressful things that happened when I was pregnant. I went to the Dr. refused the anti-D's he offered, saw another Dr and got refered for counselling. 2 sessions of counselling, moved house, problems evaporated overnight. DH got a good job, working lots of hours, but bringing home good money compensated for that. I had a shaky few months where I knew that if I wasnt strong I would be back down the road to depression, but before long life was good and I was happy.

Fast forward to baby number two. Seeing as how I have always hated winter I was really wary of getting PND again during her first few months (born in Sept). So aware in fact that I did everything in my power to prevent it, and was really chuffed with myself for getting through it, happy as Larry.
Then in April I started a party plan job for some pocket money and a new challenge. DH got made redundant 2 weeks later. Money was really tight and we had been a bit blase about paying off the (small) debts when we had the chance (didnt realise this til recently though).
DH got some work temping and then in July got an ongoing job, doing about half the hours of his previous job and bringing home about two thirds of the pay. By this time, the money we had put by was gone and we were getting into arrears. We had to buy DH a motorbike to sustain the new job as public transport wasnt a possibility, and me playing taxi was costing a fortune (we worked out a years worth of petrol of me taking him to work and used that as the budget for the bike).

DH buried his head in the sand by refusing to acknowledge the problem. I buried my hand in the sand by working harder and harder, which all came to a head when I so busy in the run up to Christmas I could barely function. It was starting to affect my working and family life. I convinced myself and everyone around me (those that had noticed I was falling apart) that I was just busy, and all would soon be fine. Other people hinted it was depression, I was convinced it couldnt be as it was so different to the PND I had before.

Two days before Christmas, I sat down and worked out our debts, hoping that tackling it head on, would take the weight from shoulders. It didnt. We had twice as much debt since I had last calculated it 6 months earlier. I got DH to finally acknowledge the problem and we worked through budgets, hoping that a bit of simple cutting back would solve it all. Not so. We had a major defeceit budget. I spent most of the next month on my own planet becoming completely obsessed with money (or lack thereof).

Thats when I started to notice some of 'the signs' creeping back. I couldnt sleep for worry and could stop eating. I would burst into tears if someone asked me how I was and was using the phrases 'good day' and 'bad day', which made me realise I was having the familiar ups and down.

With the help of other people (mostly the staff and other mums at my toddler groups) I sought professional help for both the debt and the depression. It actually involved people booking the appointments for me, and without that I dont know where I would be now.

I feel a bit better already - no drugs, no counselling, but Ive realised who my friends are, and Ive got my hubby on side. I know its a long road ahead, but I also know Im not alone anymore. I still have 'bad days', we still struggle to make ends meet, but sometimes the sun shines and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sassamac

Dinah93 wrote: »

Nope not really, we moved down here 8 months ago, and we have found it really hard to meet people. With not having kids, or there being a gym or anything nearby, it's quite hard to meet new people without going on a scary couples make friends dating site, which i'm sure is going to end up with everyone's car keys in a bowl!

Yeah the last tablets sort of set me off, i'd been feeling a bit blue since moving down here, but i was on top of it, started taking the pills and suddenly i found myself sat on the kitchen floor on a Saturday lunchtime crying because i spilt the orange juice! Even after I'd stopped taking them, it didn't really pick up.

Today I'm doing a little better, my MIL bought me a sewing machine for Christmas, so I'm thinking I could spend a few days learning to sew? Or failing that I could paint again, really enjoy it and used to make a fair bit of money from it, but recently my mind has just been blank when I try to draw anything. I'm working a couple of days he's away, it's just a shame it clashed with some of my annual leave I've put in to use 3 weeks up before the end of march, so i'm actually going to be home alone for 5 full days. I coped when he was away for 5 days at Christmas, and I think I was probably lower then as I was still on the bad bp pills. Trying to be positive today, if he's not here I can sit in my study and paint or sew or read or reorganize things in peace, and watch movies where no one gets eaten by an alien or chased by zombies, and that has to be a good thing once in a while right?

well thats a good start seeing all the positives to being home alone. my DH is on nightshifts this week. When he first started them I hated it, being alone all evening and overnight while he worked, then nearly all day while he slept. Now I relish the opportunity to do as I please. I only ever read when hes on nights.

We moved here not knowing anyone nearly 3 years ago. I know how hard it is. I have the opposite situation to you in that I didnt have a job as an excuse to meet people, but I started going to toddler groups, and slowly but surely aquaintances are turning into friends.
I guess being in debt, your not in a position to go out socialising too much to meet new people. Do you have any hobbies? team sports are especially good as I found out at uni.

Keeping_Positive

Hello Sassamac, Dinah and all.

Dinah, you sound as if you are in a good postion because you are aware its going to be a tough time for you so can prepare. You have some goods ideas about keeping busy. See it as you can slob, relax and do whatever you want for a few days. I dont realise how much I actually miss OH when hes not about. Any chance you could travel to see your family in your days off or is that too expensive? Dont forget theres always the phone to keep in contact.

Sassamac, alot of what you said made sense about the denial part (Im not depressed just tired/overdone things/busy etc). Mums and tots can be wonderful. They really did help with my three. I still go through phazes of thinking Im fine and can handle things but I get caught out and need to remember that this is long term and needs managing. The debt is a pain isnt it? Makes things tougher especially when I am down I want to bury my head in the sand and spend to make myself feel better. Which is why I have the "as long as I dont mess up again" in my Sig. Go for ages controling things then have silly splurges.

Anyway enough about me Im glad you are feeling better and have support.

Have a great day all, catch up soon

Love W xx

Keeping_Positive

Anyone seen Lucy about? Hope you are OK lucy, thinking of you.

WTF_3

hi all , there is light at the end of the tunnel , i was in a very bad place back in oct 07, about -50k ish!!, but since then i had some help from people that i met back then and have not looked back . Being depressed is the worst thing ever i didnot even no that i was depressed ,i would like to extend a helping hand to anyone that wants to take it , to move from a place of FEAR AND CONTROL to a place where you feel positive and very informed and your cashflow is in positive flow to you and not going straight out to someone else. Someone help me and i would like to help otheir people get out of the mess that they are in ,yours !!!!!!

Sassamac

thanks guys.

Wendy lol at your sig line. It sounds like spending money is an outlet for a lot of depressed people. Im not a born shopper / spender and our debt is simply accrued because of loss of earnings from DH's redundancy.
My outlet is normally food and exercise (good combo lol!). I had to give up my gym membership 6 months ago which I was gutted about and Im sure its a large contributor to my depression. So at the mo I get my 'therapy' from baking. I really enjoy it and its satisfies my constant urge to eat. And because we cant afford to have the heating on Im burning up most of the excess calories I eat.

Not having a great day today - its so cold, by the time Id defrosted the car and got to toddler group I couldnt move my hands. Got no inclination to go out this afternoon either which is a rareity for me as I hate being cooped up.

Dinah93

Hey guys how is everyone today?

Well my OH went away today, and about 2 hours later I got a phone call off his mother, he slipped on some ice when he was in the next town over from her up there, and he's badly hurt his hip and knee when he landed, so he's sat in a cold bath to stop it swelling any worse as simply putting ice on it wasn't stopping it enough. How can he injure himself so badly as soon as he's let out alone?! He was supposed to be working today too for a decorator, but since he couldn't walk, he couldn't paint. :mad:

I'm holding up better than expected, except I can't get the heating to work and I'm bloody freezing. I also got in from work and started doing a little tidying, and it sort of spiraled until I'd taken everything off the heavy 8ft bookcase in the lounge, moved the bookcase and the sofas, but I can't work out all the cables to the tv and the dvd player and wireless router and stuff, and I'm too scared I might knacker my internet to move those so my lounge now looks a little like a whirlwind hit it! Does anyone else do this? Trying to work myself to distraction, and creating unnecessarily jobs for myself just so I don't stop still and think.

D xxx

Lucy1982_2

Hi!

I am about I've just been busy. I'm doing ok. I have another interview on Friday and I am trying to not let anything get me down.

I will try and catch up properly later.

Take care xx

Dinah93

Hey guys, quick check in see how everyone is

I've had a busy few days emotionally and physically. I've bagged up and donated all our video tapes, since we don't have a video player, then i got annoyed that the bookcase looked scruffy so I went and bought some shiny scarlet gloss paint, so that's had 3 coats, I've assembled flat pack furniture that's been in the box 2 months, made up a load of meals to freeze, sorted and filed all my paperwork that needed doing, rewashed all the ironing pile as it was too dry to iron easily, replaced all the clothes in the wardrobe's hangers with wooden ones, riden 40km a day minimum on the bike, done an hours yoga a day, finished the living room reorganisation, decided to swap our bedroom all around,. cleaned both bathrooms, tidied OH's study/gamesroom, cleaned the oven, and had a friend over for dinner 2 nights. Despite all this in the space of a little over 3 days, 1 of which I was at work for 9 hours, I still can't sleep. I eventually got to sleep last night at about midnight, after trying for over 2 hours, then my OH called at 1am to chat . After that I had horrible nightmares so I got up at about 5 and went back to cleaning. Up until today I thought I was handling him being away quite well, but this evening I largely ran out of things to do and when he only called me for 2 mins from the cashpoint outside some pub his cousin wanted to go to, I realised that I'm keeping myself busy as a way to not think, and maybe that's not *really* handling anything.

I know I'm an exceptionally high maintenance girlfriend, and he is ridiculously laid back about absolutely everything (which is the only way I think anyone could put up with me full time), and I don't want to nag but is it too much to expect a phone call or even just one text message a day? I feel annoyed that he's out there having a good time (and the paranoid part of me wonders what exactly he's doing since I don't seem to be on his mind at all!) while I sit here and see where I can stretch the budget to get £91 to pay the waterbill (at present, it looks like the food budget will have to go down even further next month). He doesn't seem to get that I don't have £150 to spend on a week away having fun with friends, and that i consider that a luxury, where he decides he's going, then expects the bills to magically be covered, which they always are, or were should I say, today the credit card met with the scissors. It was my best school friend's engagement party tonight, and the train ticket would have been £40 and I rationalised that I couldn't afford that for one night, so I didn't go, while OH is probably in some £12 entry sticky nightclub oggling bouncy 18 year olds in jane norman mini dresses (no he's never cheated that i'm aware of, but I'm convinced while he's away this time he will, why shouldn't he given the chance, I'm an emotional wreak who hasn't had a hair cut in about a year so wears it in a bobble like a 7 year old, not much to come home to). This all said, he'd been really blue recently too, so maybe I should just get a grip and trust him to do the right thing, and just not think about the money, it is his bingo winnings after all.

Sorry for the ramble, I just feel like I'm loosing my mind tonight *hugs to all*.