Daughter wants to change her surname...

~evanesco~

I have a 7yo girl. She has had no contact with her father for the last 6 weeks, and very little contact before that. This is partly her choice, but for the last 6 weeks it's been his choice, he claims he's busy. Anyway that's a whole other thread. She has her father's surname and has recently expressed her opinion that she would like to have mine instead. I haven't pushed this upon her or even suggested it, she's very intelligent and decided this herself. What I want to ask is, do I need his permission to change her surname and how would I go about it?

Gale_10

Hiya,

When I split up with my ex-oh, my daughter who was also seven at the time wanted to change her name. I just told the school she wanted to do this, and they said ok, and we compromised on a double barreled name, which was my maiden name and her previous surname.

When she was nine though, I remarried and she took my new husbands surname when my DS1 was born, she wanted us all to have the same surname. Same deal, just a quick note to school, and that was that.

When we moved to Scotland I had to give her real name, as on her birth certificate, but she has always been known by the surname we all share.

When she is 16 she wants to change her name by deed poll, and although her dad (my ex-oh) isn't happy, by then there is nothing he can do about it.

Ok I have waffled on here, but the long and short is, just write a note to the school and they will change it. But it will always be her official surname until she is old enough to change it herself. She will just be *known as* XXXXXXXXX.

Gale

~evanesco~

So she can't have it done 'officially' until she is old enough to do it herself? That's fine, can I do the same at the GP's too?

Stephb1986_2

Im quite sure you can change it by deed poll my mum has changed my last name twice for me i had my dads name at first then i change it to my brothers last name and when my mum has got re-married ive changed it to my step dads last name it was all done by deed poll i just have to send a copy of my mums marrige certificate and my birth certificate and i have no problem my passport and driving license ect is all in my mums last name

Stephb xx

Gale_10

I was given to understand I couldn't change my daughters name by deed poll unless my ex-oh was ok with it.

I think you can just write to your doctors and say that your daughter wants to be known as so-and-so.

Officially though, I believe you can't change her surname unless she is old enough.

You would need to phone your nearest registry office (births deaths and marriages) for a definitive answer, its a while ago now but I am sure thats what I found out when I phoned.

Gale

Becles

It depends on if the father has parental responsibility or not.

If he doesn't, you are free to change your daughters surname officially.

If he does have parental responsibility, you are not allowed to change it without his permission and if you do, he can take action against you to make you change it back.

I've remarried and had a child with my new husband but my older children still have my ex's surname as he refused permission to change it. They still use this name on anything official - doctors, building society, school etc., but they use my surname on anything unofficial, and the eldests nickname is a shorterned version of our name. They are going to change their name when they get to 16 and it's legal for them to do so.

Strapped

Becles wrote: »

If he does have parental responsibility, you are not allowed to change it without his permission and if you do, he can take action against you to make you change it back.

Correct.

~evanesco~ wrote: »

I have a 7yo girl. She has had no contact with her father for the last 6 weeks, and very little contact before that. This is partly her choice, but for the last 6 weeks it's been his choice, he claims he's busy. Anyway that's a whole other thread. She has her father's surname and has recently expressed her opinion that she would like to have mine instead. I haven't pushed this upon her or even suggested it, she's very intelligent and decided this herself. What I want to ask is, do I need his permission to change her surname and how would I go about it?

Your daughter is 7 years old and in no position to make choices like this. You are the adult/parent; it's your job to make choices in her best interests, not your own.

Personally, I think the whole "known as" thing stinks too! :mad:

pippamannequin

Gale_10 wrote: »

Hiya,

When I split up with my ex-oh, my daughter who was also seven at the time wanted to change her name. I just told the school she wanted to do this, and they said ok, and we compromised on a double barreled name, which was my maiden name and her previous surname.

When she was nine though, I remarried and she took my new husbands surname when my DS1 was born, she wanted us all to have the same surname. Same deal, just a quick note to school, and that was that.

When we moved to Scotland I had to give her real name, as on her birth certificate, but she has always been known by the surname we all share.

When she is 16 she wants to change her name by deed poll, and although her dad (my ex-oh) isn't happy, by then there is nothing he can do about it.

Ok I have waffled on here, but the long and short is, just write a note to the school and they will change it. But it will always be her official surname until she is old enough to change it herself. She will just be *known as* XXXXXXXXX.

Gale

same as above for my kids, they didnt want heir dads name and no different. change it and the schools doctors etc will treat them as known as, when they are old enough deed poll nothing else can be done...unless the father gives consent. x hth

pippamannequin

Strapped wrote: »

Correct.



Your daughter is 7 years old and in no position to make choices like this. You are the adult/parent; it's your job to make choices in her best interests, not your own.

Personally, I think the whole "known as" thing stinks too! :mad:

I disagree, but again, thats another thread.

cazziebo

2 issues here! and I suspect it's about more than names...

Six weeks isn't a long time and I would say there are very few reasons a child shouldn't have a very strong relationship with both parents. Believe me, it is much easier later on if both parents are involved. Don't let this slip now. A seven year old should not be able to "choose" not to see a parent - all that does is let them see they can manipulate adults and control situations. It's not fair to the child. (Obviously unless there is danger involved).

I also believe that parents should not be able to "choose" when to see their child. And some parents need reminded of that. (After four missed visits I called my ex's secretary and told her to let him know I'd be in reception in an hour with the children and their suitcases - bluff but it worked).

Surnames aren't that important. Personally I didn't want us to have different names so I changed my children's names to mine (I had kept my maiden name). He saw the rationale - we were the ones living together, I was the one taking them to school, brownies etc.

Just be sure this isn't a reaction,and is thought out. I think it's difficult for dads on access. My daughters used to say they didn't want to go with their dad because it was "Deep sea world again and then McDonalds" but I didn't give them the option. They have a great relationship with him now. (Well as great as a parent can have with two hormonal teenagers - as he says, they despise us both equally! :rolleyes: )

shazrobo

i changed my sons name at the solicitors, by what is known as a change of name deed.
as far as i saw it, he walked out on our sons and had no contact, so i went back to my maiden name, and changed the kids, so we would all share the same surname.
the birth certificate still shows their original name, but i take along the change of name deed, as proof of id along with original birth certificate, and banks, passport, doctors etc, have their new name, (or not so new, now they have been known as my maiden name for the past 12 years)