Money Moral Dilemma: Is it OK to spend my baby's vouchers on myself?

onwards&upwards

engineer_amy wrote: »

Once the gift leaves the gift-giver's hands and is passed on, they have no say in how the gift is used!


If the giver had presented the mother with a bottle steriliser as a gift, and the mother already had one, the mother is entirely within her rights to return the item, give it to charity, sell it, or hide it in the back of the cupboard for the next 10 years.


Same with vouchers - the recipient can use them however they wish, and given that the recipient is a newborn and essentially helpless for the next couple of years, the mother/father will be responsible for using/spending them.


So many people have commented about all money being family money - I agree, whatever the vouchers are used on now frees up cash for use at a later date, presumably for the good of the baby and family.


If the giver had wanted something to be used specifically for the baby's benefit, they should have purchased something specifically for baby. Vouchers are rather impersonal and sometimes can convey a lack of thought on the part of the giver - unless they have been requested by the recipient

The baby is the recipient, not mum, it was a birthday gift, birthday gifts are for one person, once a year!

Will all money still be family money when the kid is four? Or 10?

onwards&upwards

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I was literally just going to post that. If I were the gift giver, I would feel strange about this

It seems really wrong to me. I mean I am not one for moral high ground, but if it were me, I couldn't do it and feel comfortable with myself

Babies can never have everything they need, they grow and evolve in to bigger people. What is wrong with getting her something that will be useful in six months, or a winter coat for next year? That is what I would do

I agree.

I don’t ten to buy gift vouchers, but I do receive them and I always let the giver know what they were used for. What if the giver asks?

Chunkeemonkey

If I bought vouchers for a friend’s baby or in the family and the mum spent them on herself I’d be very !!!!ed off. You could buy clothes that will fit your baby next year when’s she a bit older if she doesn’t need anything now. It doesn’t feel ok to be buying yourself things thou!

unholyangel

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Actually, I think if mum called me and explained that baby has everything but she’s not spent on herself since it was born and her pjs are all falling apart, and asked how I felt about spending the vouchers on that, i’d definitely tell her to go ahead. I don’t think i’d be impressed if she just did it though. At what age would you think it stops being acceptable for parents to pocket their kids’ gift money?

Where it stops being acceptable is a grey area.

But in these particular circumstances, it may have been gifted for babys birthday. But clearly isn't because they have a great relationship with baby - they're a bit crap when it comes to social skills (which is why you can go spare staying at home with young kids all day).

Its also clear the baby isn't going to be totting off to M&S to spend the vouchers themselves before they expire. Even if they could, I doubt there would be a lot in M&S they'd want. IMO the voucher was purchased with the parents in mind. There are definitely better placed vouchers for a child.

But again, I'm a person who can trust my friends have provided well for their baby and are only spending on themselves because there truly is nothing baby needs.

onwards&upwards wrote: »

The baby is the recipient, not mum, it was a birthday gift, birthday gifts are for one person, once a year!

Will all money still be family money when the kid is four? Or 10?

Is the child going to be paying their own way, aged 4 or 10?

I think they just meant family money as in the parents are funding everything anyway so does it make a difference if they (for example) use £100 of vouchers on themselves then use £100 of their money on the baby in a years time versus using £100 vouchers on baby in a year and £100 of their own money on themselves?

Arguably its more financially prudent to spend the vouchers and keep the cash as long as possible. Not just because of economic uncertainty but also because cash isn't limited to what it can be used on & where, and you can have that cash in an interest earning account. Vouchers will also lose more value than cash earning interest due to inflation.

donny_jim

I think these vouchers are better spent as quickly as possible,so yes I think it's ok, but it would be nice if you put the cash equivalent in a savings account for the child.

Halifaxmum

It’s your child’s 1st/5th/18th birthday.

A family member gives your child a £20 note and says “Happy Birthday”.

You take the money out of the child’s hand and say “Thanks”.

Is this ok?

(Clue - the lack of consent does not make it ok).

Pollycat

LouAnne wrote: »

Polycat I can't believe people like you are real life.... stealing from her baby ... really? People like you who obviously only join these sites to give out your two pennies worth of degrading opinions should be ashamed. The very fact this mum is questioning this shows shes a good enough mother. That's all we are required to be ' good enough ' theres no such thing as perfect which why moral questions are not black and white or right and wrong! Who are you to have the moral high ground on any topic.

Quite frankly social media is vile enough without you degrading people. Unless your feedback is constructive or helpful then take yourself off. I only joined this to reply to this post as I hope that mum does not take on your crap words and go feel guilty about something she shouldn't.

From one mum to another you are doing the best you can and the fact the baby has all it needs speaks volumes. You will get ppl such as the above everywhere you go unfortunately but try drown out their attention seeking self validating pleas and you do you.
Treat yourself!!!! :money:

OK, LouAnne
I guess you missed the bit where the original post said:

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

We were given loads of M&S vouchers for my baby's first birthday. She genuinely has everything she needs, so I'm thinking of buying myself new pyjamas. Would that be wrong?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

I gave my advice - which was that it was wrong.
That clearly differs from your opinion but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
It doesn't mean you're wrong either.
That's the point about social media.
People have different opinions about all sorts of things.

I'm not surprised that you find social media to be 'vile enough' if your post above is any indication of how you interact as a member of a forum.

And FTR - I'm not the only poster to voice the same opinion.
And I'm not the only poster to use the term 'stealing'.
There seems to be a fairly even split between those people who believe the author of the 'dilemma' should spend the money as she feels fit and those who think it is wrong to do that.
It is up to the author of the 'dilemma' to do as she feels fit.

Now you've found MSE, I hope you get benefit from the wealth of interesting and helpful content on all manner of subjects.
So - welcome to MSE. :hello:

CupcakeGirl

Personally, I wouldn't use the voucher to buy something for myself. Even if the child doesn't need anything right now, the 'needs' are going to keep coming for years. How about getting something ahead of time, such as some bedding. You can pop it way and then, when little one goes into a single bed, you might feel glad you don't have to find the money to buy it then (it's almost certain to cost more in a year to two's time).

Erinome

I can see the temptation, but what are you going to tell the gift giver when you see them or send them a thank you note?

summersmile

Don’t worry what others say. Buy something for your self I’m sure over their lifetime you’ll pay them back and more.