Weekly Flylady Thread Pick'n'Mix 21st October 2019

roundtuit

Morning :hello:

Glad I'm not at work today as I had a carp night - couldn't get to sleep. then awake for ages in the night, then bad dreams It happens sometimes.

Mr M is delivering this afternoon - IN BAGS Plan was to take bags to cs this morning, but we'll see how it goes. The bags are in the car boot so they aren't in the way if I leave it 'til Saturday. I might just bimble / pootle / plod my way through the dailies and see what else happens.

flc: I have a dilemma / conflicting emotions. On 30th October it will be a year since Mum died. Dad has done amazingly well: started line dancing and sequence dancing to get him out of the house, and provide him with exercise and company. He's 84. How can I put this: I was ok when he was talking about: Mavis & Nanette & Joyce & Muriel & Betty & Joan & Gill & Ruth &&& partnering him at dancing. But now it's Barbara, Barbara, Barbara and, to tell the truth, I don't like it. I called for coffee with Dad yesterday and he blithely announced that he was going on a 'date' - meeting Barbara for a meal. It made me feel sick - but I painted a smile on my face as you do. I want him to be happy. Obviously I don't want him sat at home moping for Mum, but I'm not ready for this!!!! The anniversary is looming on my horizon and that's enough for me to deal with right now. Wise words needed please. And I know I'm being selfish.

I need food before I start the day.
Love to all
Rxx

Mademoiselle

Round, I understand where you're coming from, been there and got the badge, Dad sadly now gone but I also learnt (very late on in the relationships) how good it was for him to have someone else to 'get up for'. She isn't replacing your mum, but is someone else in his life who he can share those memories with and make more.
Anniversaries are always difficult moments to deal with, I wasn't there when mum or dad went so actual day triggers it less than their birthdays, I still shed a tear on mum's and she died 42 years ago! Plan to do something with your dad on what is going to be the hardest day for you and if he suggests bringing Barbara then explain that you actually need all of him at this difficult time.

Just my thoughts

Big hugs. You're doing great.

Mademoiselle

TD on
Ironing from weekend finished and put away.
Bedroom and bathroom aired and tidied round (no clothes on the floor, hooray, they are in the new laundry basket I bought a couple of months ago when bathroom was redone)
Dinner sorted for tonight - soup.

Time for another few minutes on the letter then coffee

roundtuit

Mademoiselle wrote: »

Round, I understand where you're coming from...…...

Big hugs. You're doing great.

Thank you Mademoiselle xx Wise words and big hugs greatly appreciated :heartsmil

Mademoiselle wrote: »

Bedroom and bathroom aired and tidied round (no clothes on the floor, hooray, they are in the new laundry basket I bought a couple of months ago when bathroom was redone)

It's the silent invasion of the laundry baskets :rotfl:I hope they come in peace!!!

I've done a laundry shuffle and eaten my porridge.
Better get dressed I suppose.

Rxx

ionafan

Mademoiselle wrote: »

Round, I understand where you're coming from, been there and got the badge, Dad sadly now gone but I also learnt (very late on in the relationships) how good it was for him to have someone else to 'get up for'. She isn't replacing your mum, but is someone else in his life who he can share those memories with and make more....

Plan to do something with your dad on what is going to be the hardest day for you and if he suggests bringing Barbara then explain that you actually need all of him at this difficult time.

Round, I think this is very solid advice from Mademoiselle.

I can still remember my feelings as a young teenager when my widowed mother announced that she was "going out to a concert" with our church organist. After my father's death, I thought my mother and I were a team and that we would always support each other. It took me a long time to realise that there were things that I could not do to help her, as well as things that she could not do to help me.

We are all individuals and we all experience bereavement in different ways - there is no "right" way to grieve and no "one-size fits all" way to behave. A lot of people feel that "going out" with someone else within the year is a terrible thing for a widow/er to do, but it's not everyone's rule.

I agree with Mademoiselle that if you ask your dad to do something special just with you (possibly including your DS, if he wants - grandchildren also grieve for their grandparents) on your mum's anniversary, it is absolutely reasonable to want it not to include Barbara. And if she is a kind person, of the type that under any other circumstances you would have been delighted for your father to date, she will understand and not intrude.

You could also say to your dad that you would love to meet the lady who has brought happiness back into your life, but right now you are still mourning the loss of your mum, and could you please wait until at least after mum's anniversary. That will give him some measure of your own feelings.

xx

In flying mode:
I have decluttered the church Gift Aid claim for the first half-year - one item off my Toots list

DH has his investigation today at the horse piddle, so I am not planning on doing much apart from making sure that the house is clean and tidy to come back to, and taking Rosie for a midday walk since we're not likely to be back until after dark.

(((Hugs))) spoons sticks and GWS wishes all round, as needed x

Valli

Round - wise words from Mademoiselle there. You are in a different place from him. bother - what I want to say sounds so clumsy when written down - you lost a parent; he lost a partner. Parents are irreplaceable.

Bunnies in the run - I must do photos. Not least because I own the cutest bunny in the world.

Washing on the line.

I'm going to pick up borrowed medieval clothes later for Medieval Day on Friday.

roundtuit

Thank you ionafan and Valli xx I'm sending thank you hugs - I hope you catch them

Ooooh bunny photos - yes please

Right - feed the birds, put out the recycling and go to Dad's for coffee - posting a letter as I pass the post box.

Baby steps today - wish me luck!

Rxx

Mademoiselle

Reporting back in again

TD emptied so need to iron and fold
Good effort of letter done and sent to OH for comments
3 full shelves of books scanned, 2 marge and 3 small left to go

Books! I love them and for years dreamt of having a propper library. Well lucky for me a few years ago we had a rearrange and the far end of the living room was fitted with almost floor to ceiling bookshelves, thank you Ikea billy. Well it's been nothing bu a chore since. We unpacked boxes and boxes of books, sorted them into fiction and non and then into alphabetical for the fiction. That took ages and was a filthy job. Well OH was still buying duplicates when travelling so someone put me on to the Goodreads app, so I dutifully down loaded it. But all the books we have need to be scanned into it, another long tedious and filthy job. But nearly there and I am cleaning the shelves as I go. But part of me does wish I had an OH who would embrace technology and love his Kindle. Rant over, off to get a glass of water.

BadCat18

round I have no words to add to the wise advice already given so will just send hugs. X

Morning of paid stuff done
Washing on airer although I should have put it out because it’s gorgeous today!
Just had lunch and been for a walk, too nice to go back to work but unfortunately I have to!

Have a nice afternoon all x

roundtuit

Hugs gratefully received badcat xx

Dailies done.
Not parrots swallowed - headache and sore throat. I'd put the headache down to lack of sleep, but the sore throat suggests otherwise

I feel blessed to have you ladies in my life. flc Truly a safe place to bare the soul knowing you won't be judged and you will be supported through the vagaries of life :heartsmil Thanks to you I was able to listen to Dad without feeling totally disloyal to Mum. And, when Dad said 'You have to grab happiness where you can, Don' I agreed -'you only live once'....I just hope she's not a right cow!

Mr M is delivering between 2 and 3 - hopefully the not-parrots will be working by then!

Oh yeah - and hot news: I S&S my kitchen now :A (Now being now that I have clear horizontal surfaces to S&S :T)

Hugs
Rxx

ETA Mr M just pulled up outside - he's early lol