Countdown from £28k...

maddiemay

@ryanm8655 I hope that the date tonight goes well and that you and your date have an enjoyable and interesting evening.
As @Sholly says It would be lovely now if we can all let the other stuff go, after all it is a thread about getting out of debt and living a new life debt free with new opportunities.   That is not to say that it has not been enlightening!

gymgirl11

Enjoy your date today, hopefully it goes well  

alt80

Last time I’m going to mention this or even comment on the matter but having had a bit of time to think, I can see why some of the stuff I said came across in the way it did and apologise. It wasn’t meant in a derogatory or chauvinistic way or meant to offend anyone. I understand many will choose not to believe me and having read a few of my own comments back I can see why some of the things I’ve written could have been interpreted in the way they were and also I went too far in an attempt to get my point across. Doing the best I can for my own is really important to me and I was affronted by some responses and yes skewed by my own position/ marriage. Tbt I didn’t think I’d be in the position I am re wife, yeah thought I’d meet someone in a similar field work wise but love doesn’t really work like that or didn’t for me ha. Probably has skewed my overall views somewhat to something a little old fashioned when at one point they were much less so. I’ve always found it easy to get wrapped up in my own situation, not see the wood for the trees. No excuse though.

I was going to delete my post above as it was totally out of order I know that but realise it’s likely @lantanna / @Sholly have already seen it.

Apologies @ryanm8655 for commenting on this again and I hope you had a nice time out tonight mate. Need a bit of joy in these times 100%. 🥂

ryanm8655

Haha.

have been following but not had time to get involved.

Ultimately think everyone who has commented means well.

My own experience of the opposite sex hasn’t been one of being wooed by gifts but maybe that’s why I’m single ha!

Did go through a phase post break up of thinking I should’ve made more effort on that front so did in my next relationship but ultimately to no avail. (I broke up with her in the end though).

That experience taught me I did nothing wrong the first time, things weren’t right. And I just need to stick to my instincts and what I think m is right.

Nothing wrong with treating the one you love if that is how you feel :-)

Probably have my own issues on that front but while I’ll always be thoughtful, especially when it comes to special occasions, I don’t think I’ll ever try to spend money in the belief it’ll bring me love ha. That’s not to say spending money on someone you love doesn’t make it real. Just not how I want to approach a relationship.

Date went well, some scepticism on my part but despite coming from a wealthy background actually a very nice girl and had some depth, which is what I’m after. Will see her again, though not certain it’s a longterm thing but you never know ha. When we really got taking I realised she was cooler than I thought. Weird when she asked why I didn’t talk to my mum or know my dad but always awkward when people ask about parents on dates for me But her reaction was how are you so nice and normal

Sholly

ryanm8655 said:

Date went well, some scepticism on my part but despite coming from a wealthy background actually a very nice girl and had some depth, which is what I’m after. Will see her again, though not certain it’s a longterm thing but you never know ha. When we really got taking I realised she was cooler than I thought. Weird when she asked why I didn’t talk to my mum or know my dad but always awkward when people ask about parents on dates for me But her reaction was how are you so nice and normal

Glad the date went well. The parents question is always a really difficult one for me too - it's 5 years since I spoke to my mum. Family is always a go-to first date question too, isn't it? That was nice feedback from your date though 🙂

warby68

Glad the date went well @ryanm8655 and that she was nice.
Brave of you to keep us in the loop when I think about it, knowing how free we are with the advice etc

Kakiste

I think the family questions are deemed 'safe' small talkny many people but they can go massively off track very quickly! I once had a rubbish boss ask me why I had to take a day off when my daughter was sick and "couldn't your mum look after her?" The sheer amount of awkward when I answered "My mum's an alcoholic. I wouldn't let her look after a plant" was pretty funny. 
Glad the date went well.

alt80

Glad to hear the date went well and a second one on the cards mate.

Agree re others re family questions can be very awkward not just dates, all sorts of situations. Have a decent relationship with my parents but mention them living in Greece (especially as it's not exactly a 'tourist hotspot' where they live) and I get the full 100 'are you Greek?' / 'you don't look Greek' questions FML sister gets exactly the same so it's not just a round here problem lol. Could possibly have used it to pull girls when I was younger though ha don't think yours falls into that category though mate.

enthusiasticsaver

Glad the date went well and even if it is not a long term thing it gets you back out again and meeting people.  I can imagine the family awkwardness could be difficult to explain to people who don't know you.  I think you have the right idea on relationships though and hopefully you will meet the right one.  

ryanm8655

Sorry for the lack of update and thanks again for all the replies.

Again a case of it being less investment to post in other people's diaries than my own ha!

It's been a very busy week work wise, have enjoyed it though and been getting praise from senior people, which is good. One of my reports has had some mental health issues this week, which is something new for me to manage. They have been struggling output wise for a longtime and I actually think they're in the wrong role to be honest but it's trying to manage it sensitively while also thinking about the needs of the organisation (I know that sounds bad but you can't have someone being ambiguous about whether they're working or not and not really producing anything while not getting help for their issues either - also ultimately means more work for the rest of the team and if someone isn't officially off work then it's harder to say we don't have the resource to deliver).

Just got in from a coffee and good stroll around London with a mate. Beautiful day today so happy vibes all around. Reminded me of how much I love London in the summer. Mate knows how hard I've been working and as we were going past the EY offices on the river he asked why I don't go back to a firm like that as a consultant. Actually been thinking that myself. As often have consultants from Deloitte etc. getting in touch with me asking for advice on how to approach things and assumptions etc. This has made me realise I am actually good enough to be a consultant and would be paid a lot more for doing a similar job... He also said it wouldn't actually be all that different from commercial law (he's a lawyer) as at the senior level it's more like consulting anyway and the junior lawyers do the drafting etc. Mentioned the value of my contacts withing government departments at firms like that, which I hadn't really considered. It's not something for right now but I think it is something for the longer term, maybe in a year or two. Though he said I should reach out to contacts and start chatting with people about it now (as I did with law, which was how we got back in touch a few years back and have since become good mates). I work consulting hours so may as well earn consulting money and have more room to move upwards too... Before I had dismissed the idea as I didn't feel good enough and also thought I didn't enjoy the work but I am actually enjoying aspects of the work and. now that I am applying myself, am gaining expertise pretty rapidly.

Food for thought.

On the finances, had a few spendy things, had some more bits for the flat crop up, also seeing a mate today for some birthday drinks and food. Not really had time to keep track but a quick check of the bank balance and I am on course to save £1k this month. Hopefully be able to save a little more next month with fewer house spends again and have also been drinking a lot less generally as well.

Amazing what a difference some fresh air and sunshine makes to the mood!