Countdown from £28k...

gymgirl11

Good news on the references, a step closer now you've passed them! There is no harm in asking to move earlier the worse they can do is say no. Alternatively, if it's an affordable option, could you Air bnb it for a week or two? 

It sounds like with your family it will be a case of they won't realise what you've contributed until you've gone and they don't have the extra person to rely on both physically and financially. 

Just remember that you were the one who recognised your debt, you were the one who made sacrifices to clear the debt. All they helped do was push you to your debt free day slightly earlier but it was you who did all the hard work.

ryanm8655

gymgirl11 said:

Good news on the references, a step closer now you've passed them! There is no harm in asking to move earlier the worse they can do is say no. Alternatively, if it's an affordable option, could you Air bnb it for a week or two? 

It sounds like with your family it will be a case of they won't realise what you've contributed until you've gone and they don't have the extra person to rely on both physically and financially. 

Just remember that you were the one who recognised your debt, you were the one who made sacrifices to clear the debt. All they helped do was push you to your debt free day slightly earlier but it was you who did all the hard work.

Airbnb definitely worth considering. Will see what the agent says. May move straight after Christmas if I can.

Yeah that’s it, in the same conversation I was explaining how I’ve done a proper budget etc. On food “well it costs us £200 a week at the moment”, followed by a judgemental stare as if I don’t pay for anything. Only went and did a Tesco shop the day before and do one every week Kinda thinking it’d be cheaper for me to just pop out and get a Tesco meal deal for lunch and dinner and stop contributing, particularly if they aren’t acknowledging it

Yeah that’s it. And I’ve basically had no life for the last year and have wanted to leave for a longtime but was determined to clear the debt. I felt like I should’ve responded, “which bank account did you transfer the money to? I’ve not seen the money.”

enthusiasticsaver

Goodness those comments would infuriate me and I would just pay them the rent and sort out your own food and look to move asap.  

alt80

Sorry mate meant to respond before now re homelet but you're through now. 

ONS employee tbh he 100 deserves wife telling him to go. He's a decent fee earner, no complaints re work but a !!!!!! nightmare by all accounts at home and when he's out out does so much blow he'll put it anywhere tbh some of the women he's left with FML the more 'council' the better.

Ha I ought to wait for the sales tbh just trying to avoid altogether right now, keep away from the shops. 

The family sounds a nightmare - 100 not normal to be screaming like that from kids in the morning. Not a !!!!!! chance I'd put up with that but difficult when they're not your kids. I'd have completely lost it if I were you over their attitude to you getting out of debt - 100 your credit there, not theirs. As for £200/w on food they either drink like fish or must be morbidly obese - that's obscene. 

warby68

Deep breaths @ryanm8655 not long now.
You could call them out a little though, by 'agreeing while disagreeing', along these lines : ' I know, foods a really chunky bill these days. That's why I put £70 (or whatever) on my shop every week. I don't mind giving you the cash for the last few weeks if you think you'd notice it more but I thought doing some of the chore was only fair as well' Or just say it in your head and count the days lol.
From what you've said, you've always paid more than a proportionate share of the bills if you add it all up. They just haven't noticed or don't want to acknowledge that. 
Some people are just like that, always seeing their contribution and ignoring other's. Makes them feel better I suppose. 
If they genuinely think they've been subbing you as per the hints, they will be in for a bit of a shock.

ryanm8655

enthusiasticsaver said:

Goodness those comments would infuriate me and I would just pay them the rent and sort out your own food and look to move asap.  

Agreed, I’ve just emailed the agent asking when the current tenant vacates. I don’t know if it’s just loving to put people down or they genuinely believe it...

alt80 said:

Sorry mate meant to respond before now re homelet but you're through now. 

ONS employee tbh he 100 deserves wife telling him to go. He's a decent fee earner, no complaints re work but a !!!!!! nightmare by all accounts at home and when he's out out does so much blow he'll put it anywhere tbh some of the women he's left with FML the more 'council' the better.

Ha I ought to wait for the sales tbh just trying to avoid altogether right now, keep away from the shops. 

The family sounds a nightmare - 100 not normal to be screaming like that from kids in the morning. Not a !!!!!! chance I'd put up with that but difficult when they're not your kids. I'd have completely lost it if I were you over their attitude to you getting out of debt - 100 your credit there, not theirs. As for £200/w on food they either drink like fish or must be morbidly obese - that's obscene. 

Council tickled me, having images of shameless and him waking up in a house with Frank Gallagher (love that show partly because it’s so real ). But yeah, not a good way to be behaving.

Yeah, can understand once in a while but it’s everyday screaming like a banshee at one of them. This morning it was “come down here and say that to my face”, which is such a cringe thing to say to a 10 year old. So aggressive and they wonder why the kids mirror...we all lose it sometimes but Jesus...

Yeah, at the time I tried to ignore it but its gradually wound me up even more. I’m going to end up calling it out eventually.

Why their shopping bill is £200 I don’t know, I think it’s !!!!!! guilt tripping as it used to be £130 plus some small top up shops for things like milk. I think they have started buying Christmas stuff (the £200 weekend they went out and bought all the wine - which I was going to do), so that’ll be why. It’s just bs trying to make me feel bad, while also saying they made 2 chicken breast feed every one for one meal. Also made a comment about needing a new carpet in the playroom when I leave (in reference to what I’ve cost them) as if I’ve increased wear and tear...the room hasn’t been renovated since before they moved in almost 10 years ago, there is wallpaper hanging off the ceiling, so to put that on me is also out of order. All part of the pound of flesh I guess...very manipulative. 

warby68 said:

Deep breaths @ryanm8655 not long now.
You could call them out a little though, by 'agreeing while disagreeing', along these lines : ' I know, foods a really chunky bill these days. That's why I put £70 (or whatever) on my shop every week. I don't mind giving you the cash for the last few weeks if you think you'd notice it more but I thought doing some of the chore was only fair as well' Or just say it in your head and count the days lol.
From what you've said, you've always paid more than a proportionate share of the bills if you add it all up. They just haven't noticed or don't want to acknowledge that. 
Some people are just like that, always seeing their contribution and ignoring other's. Makes them feel better I suppose. 
If they genuinely think they've been subbing you as per the hints, they will be in for a bit of a shock.

Yeah, that’s a good idea. Will see how it goes, if it’s said again then I’ll say something.

Yeah, I think you’re right. This particular person likes to point out the negative in everything and also is the sort to try and drag you down at times. I just hate that kind of behaviour. It’s like the boy has started really getting on at school and making a real effort with learning, and was explaining some quite impressive scientific concepts he had learned. Was so proud. Then the adult pipes up “maybe science is your thing, you could become a nurse”. He replied, “I think I’d like to be a doctor”. And they acted out spitting out their tea. Just so horrible but exactly how my grandad was.

They also seem to compare what I’ve been paying here with what I’d pay in London and think I owe them the difference. Crazy.

Its not just me though, my uncle gets similar scorn although not sure they say it to him. Were saying he needs to shop in lidl when they rarely shop in lidl and earn a third of what he does combined Let people be...

Will see what the agent says and also look for an Airbnb. 2nd January could work well as could fill my car and go to my uncles for new year, then stay and drive to London on the 2nd, as he’s offered to give me a hand to move.

Sarahwithlove

Omg I'd be fuming. Yes it's nice of them to let you stay with them to help reduce your costs but it's not been all rent free. You have more than paid your way in terms of food and support whilst they were poorly etc. You have just become the scapegoat and they are trying to guilt you into paying for things they should be paying for. I hope you manage to move out soon and get away from it before the relationship gets to breaking point and theres no going back. It's such a shame it's ended on such a negative note. You've made sacrifices as well by living with them. I mean who wants to move in with relatives if they can help it? 🙄

ryanm8655

Sarahwithlove said:

Omg I'd be fuming. Yes it's nice of them to let you stay with them to help reduce your costs but it's not been all rent free. You have more than paid your way in terms of food and support whilst they were poorly etc. You have just become the scapegoat and they are trying to guilt you into paying for things they should be paying for. I hope you manage to move out soon and get away from it before the relationship gets to breaking point and theres no going back. It's such a shame it's ended on such a negative note. You've made sacrifices as well by living with them. I mean who wants to move in with relatives if they can help it? 🙄

Yeah it is starting to drive me nuts. They’ve now chosen a log burner that is double my budget and tonight’s comment was about sending me it so I can buy it. Felt the immediate anxiety rush through me. Thought the log burner saga was over... Had to go for a drive to cool down. No doubt if I say something it’ll be dismissed as a joke but it wasn’t said in a jokey way. If they do I’ll just say, can’t afford it, I’m already going over my budget and am not getting in debt again for it. 

I probably should just say something as otherwise I am going to end up exploding. I’ve started stress eating where I’m off the booze Might book a meal at the local wine bar tomorrow and have a bottle of wine with my substantial meal Need to get out of the house but can’t really go anywhere to escape. Also conscious of money with the ridiculous Christmas spend and need to set aside some cash for getting set up in the flat.

It’s one of the kids birthdays on Tuesday and I agreed I’d take them shopping for clothes as a birthday present. But that was pre-log burner so that’s another chunky expense. 

Emailed agent regarding moving in earlier. No response yet. Maybe the comments will stop after Christmas but sure they’ll still be there.

It annoys me because they did need me in the early days and when they’ve been ill. I stepped up more than any of their other family members. Now they’re acting like I’ve imposed myself on them at great cost. Don’t say you’re helping people if you then expect them to pay for that help. I’d do the same for them if they needed it. 

I somehow need to rise above the comments but not sure how. It’s bad enough biting my tongue with the treatment of kids etc.

On the plus side just caught up with some London friends over video call (parked up on my drive), not seen them since pre-covid and not even sure I’ve seen them since I’ve been home. Another of the sacrifices of the debt free journey, lots of mates I haven’t been able to see when not in London often. Looking forward to seeing people again!

enthusiasticsaver

Don't feel pressured to pay out for the log burner. Just say you have a budget and you need to stick to it as you will not go into debt for it so if it is more expensive you will just give them money towards it. What a cheek!!! I suggest lots of long walks or drives and maybe if you can stay with your uncle ASAP until your flat is ready? 

alt80

Ha some of the estates in NG make Shameless look like a documentary mate. Strange thing is he only likes them when he's !!!!!! up, his wife is about as middle class as they come. They live in a tiny village with the good schools in middle of nowhere, both got professional jobs, not into the lifestyle stuff at all more likely at some village show or WI meet even got a family Volvo FML but get him out for the night and he goes absolutely mental lol. 

Didn't realised it was the adults shouting, had assumed it was the kids being kids and not been told to stop. Really sad to hear about the kid enjoying science tbh I'd 100 be encouraging that if he was my son - getting on with his education and interested in a decent career, what's not to like? Know you find them awful to live with but you could be a good role model for those kids, could be good for them if you stay in touch 100 understand if you just run a mile though ha.

100 they're guilt tripping mate !!!!!! knows why from what you've said on here you've contributed to the household and helped them out running them about etc. Think they need reminding you don't need to do any of it - could just buy your own food and be done with it. I'd tell them to !!!!!! right off now - you're debt free, back to London shortly etc. No way would I be buying them a log burner, wouldn't buy them a chocolate bar at the supermarket till tbh mate you're too nice and they're treating you like !!!!!!. Kids different imo though - they're just kids caught up in what sounds like a nightmare.