Countdown from £28k...

crunchy_time

I feel awful for the boy. Sounds like emotional abuse. Can you or anyone report to the NSPCC? Poor lad!

vixx_123

I think they could benefit from extra parenting help. There's various programmes around, and like the previous poster said, maybe somewhere like NSPCC could help with that? 

Onebrokelady

I work with kids who ended in hospital wit mental health problems after being bullied like this by a so called parent, it's classed as abuse and really should be reported 

BabyStepper

I agree with previous posters. It's not called bullying when it's a parent to a child - it's called emotional abuse and needs to be reported to child protection to investigate. The family might need some help from those properly trained and with the right skills to provide the help. 

crunchy_time

When we do safeguarding training at school where I work - emotional abuse is considered equal to sexual, physical and neglect. It’s so tricky but it’s the right thing to do.

alt80

Mate if I were you I’d move. Re family, 100 should not be like that. Not that I’m any shining example by any stretch but really shouldn’t be like what you describe going on in the house. I know you’re so close with the debts but some things more important that getting debt free imo. 

ryanm8655

Thanks for the replies all.

Agree on the emotional abuse front. It’s not been bad for a longtime. Other parent has started calling it out now as well, which is good. Little things like telling him to go sit at the table, while the other two continue messing around. Other parent actually shouted at them to go to the table and pointed out how unfair it was that he had been singled out again. Other parent has never been like that with him, they have a really good connection.

Without divulging too many details on a public forum, there is support in place for him and them. The other parent said in the past they would be forced to leave with him if it carried on (things have got a hell of a lot better since then). Worst case scenario (if anything ever happened to that parent) then I’d take him on. Would be tough and I don’t even want my own kids right now ha but can empathise a lot with him and his difficulties. Would never let him go back into the care system.

Update. A bit of a spendy weekend. Kids Christmas presents sorted though, there was 25% off goape vouchers so got them £66 each (£50x3). There were a few fragrance bargains in the Black Friday sales so I ended up spending about £200 but have managed to sell some others so have recouped about £94 so far (got some others to sell too). Might sell one of the Black Friday fragrances on (got an absolute steal and it’s a fragrance that is never normally discounted) as reckon I can turn a small profit. £60 of the £200 was on some vintage batch aventus that I should be able to turn a profit on too (going to keep some of them but there’s some 2013 that I think I’ll sell on).

Payday tomorrow so can get the final chunk of debt gone! Going for dinner with family on Thursday so going to pay as a treat, will probably be about £100 all in. Had this spend planned in my head for a while so all good. Need to sit down and plan the next phase of the finances (once work deadlines are met) then I can figure out how much I can afford to give towards this log burner (just going to give them the cash in a card), thinking about £400 as that will pay for one of the cheaper ones. Need to get my grandma something (usually a cd, got her Andrea Bocelli last year, so something similar). Then it’s my uncle and cousins (probs spend about £75 all in). Also have another birthday near the end of December so that’ll be about £50 (taking them shopping). Also volunteered myself to buy the Christmas booze (probably about £100) but will go to lidl to make it as cheap as possible. They do some pretty decent wines. Probably get about 4 bottles of red, 1 champers (cheap one), 4 Prosecco, baileys and then a load of beers (whatever is cheap). Feels like I’m haemorrhaging money in December  

Seen a good flat. In shad Thames (the fancy bit of London Bridge). 1 bed with a balcony. Has residents gym etc. Furnished. Up for £1365 a month. Available end of January. It’s not a swanky new pad, one of the older modern blocks (probably built early 2000s) but has new bathroom etc. Going to call and try view virtually tomorrow. If I could get that for £1250 then that would be happy days. Arrange move in for early feb. Plenty of time to save and also a plan for getting my independence back. Ideally get a 2 year contract (take advantage of the cheap rent) and aim to save for a deposit for my own place over that time. Jumping ahead a bit there

A friend of mine has also made me aware of a shortlet locally. Not sure on price yet but I’d imagine around £600/month. It’s basically a self contained granny annex in someone’s garden. Usually an Airbnb but not airbnbing until May. I’d much rather move to London in February and have a place lined up but will still explore this option. Also had a look at flats in Southampton (nearby city), can get a really nice place on the marina for about £700/month but none of my mates are there anymore so I think I’d feel quite isolated.

Also need to figure out what’s going on with my pay. Hoping it’s just December pay received early as can’t be bothered with the faff of them having to deduct from future pay as they’ll no doubt !!!!!! it up...

Overall the weekend ended far better than it started.

Hopefully I’ll get a budget sorted for the month ahead before the end of the week. Then next step is work out how much I need to move (including buying things like plates/cutlery etc.).

Sarahwithlove

Is it worth having a look in some charity shops for items for now to kit you out until you actually move into your own place (owned)? Southampton is quite a nice city to live in and not too long on train to London so if you aren't going to be working from office all week is it worth saving on the rent? That's £500 a month less which over space of 12 months is £6k quite a chunk extra. I think we could have some kind of restriction in place in terms of tiered areas for most of next year tbh. 

ryanm8655

Sarahwithlove said:

Is it worth having a look in some charity shops for items for now to kit you out until you actually move into your own place (owned)? Southampton is quite a nice city to live in and not too long on train to London so if you aren't going to be working from office all week is it worth saving on the rent? That's £500 a month less which over space of 12 months is £6k quite a chunk extra. I think we could have some kind of restriction in place in terms of tiered areas for most of next year tbh. 

Great shout on charity shops. I have most stuff tbh. Got pans, coffee machine, ironing board, iron...would mainly just need plates and cutlery, possibly utensils (can’t remember if I kept those). Possibly a kettle and toaster as well but don’t need anything fancy...may even have a toaster...would also need a tv but would just pick up a cheap one on gumtree. I’m
not that fussed about having the latest fancy tv as long as it isn’t completely pants...

Already have Sonos, so that’s the music sorted (far more important to me than fancy tv as love my music).

Hear you on the Southampton front, it’s alright but I have no friends there and wouldn’t be working there to make friends either, so I’d just be bouncing between hometown and London anyway. I went to Southampton Uni for a while, the uni area is nice though most of it is a bit of a hole to be honest ha. I like ocean village (down by the marina) and lived there for a bit after uni. It would be cheaper while working from home but if we were required back in the office at any point then that would be wiped out by train fare very quickly (monthly ticket to London was about £650 last year). Other thing to consider is that while rent may be more in the short term, if I did move to London in 6 months or more then any savings would be wiped out by the rents going up again. But even if we can’t do much, London is where most of my life is (lots of friends) and even little things like runs along the river, I miss. I know it sounds strange to say with the forest and beaches all nearby ha. 

Busy day at work already but making sure to take breaks as I was so zonked last week. Boss is also off for 3 days at a critical point so kinda thinking why should I work all hours under the sun.

ryanm8655

Apologies for the lack of update. Work has been crazy as per usual, though did escape to the gym today at least.

Been officially debt free for a couple of days now! It feels a bit anticlimactic to be honest

I think it's because I now need to save so it just feels like one problem has been replaced by another haha. Perhaps I'll enjoy it over the weekend. But would feel more comfortable if I had £5k stashed away.

I'm also realising how far my new salary doesn't go in London There are places close to my budget but when you contact the agents they're usually gone and if they aren't they're usually tatty/poorly furnished...then they try to upsell you a place for a couple of hundred more a month and then you realise what you can get for that Now looking at the fancy warehouse places in shad thames, there's an amazing one up for £1625 (https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/75559653#/) and sure I could negotiate them down but then with bills, it's going to be half my wage on a place to live...Not sure how easily I could manage on £1800 per month, with the saving. Might be time to do the sums. Also starting to get the thoughts of, if I had a better paying job I wouldn't need to think about these things, I could just go for the nice place. There was also a really cool place in the city up for £1600 (would usually be about £2k) - https://www.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/56909551?featured=1&utm_content=featured_listing but again, it's still a lot of money and also I don't work in the city so not even ideal for work But I like a place with something about it, whether thats a cool view or original features. There are some cheaper warehouse places but they're so cramped it then doesn't feel like a warehouse apartment...

On the logburner, I told them I'd give them money towards one. So that's the end of that one.

Resolved the overpayment issue, basically HMRC messed up my tax calculation. I was owed £800 and somehow they calculated I was owed £3500. It's now been corrected but means it'll come out of my pay over the remaining months in the tax year. It's a bit annoying tbh as I have no idea how much I'll be paid until the end of December. He did do a calculation but doesn't take into account pension and student loan. but based on the overpayment I'm reckoning I might be about £600/700 down, so also got that to think about. This is why I'd like some savings kept by. Have about £3800 or so but AMEX bill to come out of that before next payday, which will be a lot due to Christmas, plus need to pay for this log burner. So that will probably leave me £2k, plus then December pay I'll be down £600 or so.

I think I need to sort out a new SOA and then an SOA for London. Maybe that will put my mind at ease some more.

Work still mental, was nice and quiet today as I waited for people to clear things and then the comments came back. Policy wanting to change assumptions again (even though they were cleared ages ago), which causes issues and makes me look like the incompetent one as it's my document