Aspergers/ASD support thread

cobbingstones

Hi all,

I have a son who is four he's got a wicked SOH, very warm and cuddly, loves school and enjoys reading and writing. So what's the problem? Since pre-school he was different according to the staff there. He knew how to write, read, knew colours, maths etc etc but Charlie was not too keen on playing. He doesn't like to go outside if he can stay in and write, he didn't think to highly of pretend play or others wanting to play with him if he had chosen a puzzle to play with etc. They asked if they could bring an Autism advice worker in to assess him. The professional put his behaviour all down to our parenting. I admit he was a problem at home due to his differences, we did not know how to move forward with him. He hates places with lots of people in, he's push random children out of his way and become totally different in these areas. So we stopped talking him and our other child out anywhere busy, and hoped for advice on how he'd cope in a classroom of 30. I was dreading school and hoped he would be ok. We had meetings with his new teacher who was also the SENCo and we felt reassured. Thankfully apart from a couple of issues all is going well.

It was decided to put Charlie on a SEN so he would be taught differently. He is currently working on year one levels (the class is mixed) and is very happy to go to school each day. However, at parents evening it was all very negative with is teacher concentrating on the fact that Charlie doesn't want to learn by play. His reading and writing skills are now the same as a 7/8 year old but he needs help with knowing what he is reading. How can I help him? I feel I have this amazing child who is leaps ahead but I don't know how to progress with him. His teacher wasn't too keen on him being too advanced as then he would overtake the year 2's. He has completed 2/3's of the school year already and I'm worried that his gift will be lost if I don't help.

He comes home from school and would happily spend 3 hours writing and drawing and at the moment his favorite is nursery rhymes. He loves the computer too and I'm trying to find websites that are aimed at older children, but the graphics would suit a child of four. He isn't keen on toys at all at Christmas was totally unimportant to him. How do I make his life more varied? We tried swimming lessons but he wouldn't listen and nearly made it to the deep pool. Then Trampolining, just not bothered the same with football. Maybe music? I'm finding daily outings to the park in all weather enough now.

I'm trying hard to make his life the best I can but I find it so frustrating. His sibling is the opposite wanting to go out every night and do activities. Learning is not on his agenda, but his intelligence is more socially and creative based.

Thank you for reading this far and any help with be thankfully received.

Tish_P

His teacher wasn't too keen on him being too advanced as then he would overtake the year 2's.

I know nothing about kids or autism but this set off a huge siren in my mind. Surely a teacher should not deliberately holding back a child's educational achievements?

cobbingstones

I know Trish its not good is it? But that's what she said to by son and another child from the year before who was very bright.

Britwife

It sounds to me as though he is absolutey fine just very advanced. I think very smart children are more interested in learning and not playing. I would suggest speaking to someone over the school and see what can be done to foster his gift without overdoing it. I feel it's very important for him to stay with peers his own age but at the same time, get the extra care for his learning.

He is going to get very bored with school if they don't find a way to cater to him and I feel they owe that to him and not hamper him by being worried that he's smarter than the year 2's.

As for socializing, that is something you are going to have to take on. It may just be trying to get just 1 or 2 of his friends to come around. Make sure that you and the rest of the family make a point to play at least one thing with him daily. I realize things get busy and we do play with them but it's really important for him so he doesn't lose out on this time. Bowling might help too as there are lots of people there, but you are on your own lane and it's fun.

I wish your son all the best, he does have a rare gift that shouldn't be taken too lightly

Tish_P

Can you find him some activities that involve both learning and socialising?

lindens

What about Chess or Bridge Clubs - that maybe more his thing? There is a game called mini-Bridge which is a slightly dumbed-down version of the normal game to get children introduced to it.

Quenastoise

I agree that the school should ensure that your son fulfils his academic potential - a teacher should not only cater for the majority of the class but the children at both ends of the spectrum. A child who is bored/not stretched is more likely to become disruptive.

We all are social animals to different degrees - he needs ultimately as an adult to find a balance where he has enough of his own company yet fits in comfortably in the company of those around him. Does he relate better with smaller groups ? Does he have a favourite friend ? How does he relate to his sibling ?

Try not to worry too much - your son is a wonderful little individual by the look of it

soupdragon10

His teacher sounds very narrow minded - if he doesn't want to learn by play then why should he? It's also very worrying that they are concerned he will overtake the year 2's instead of providing work that will challenge him.

Schools should make provision for children who are ahead of their chronological age, in the same way that they differentiate the curriculum for children with learning difficulties.

Don't let the school just focus on his disinterest in playing and socialising - yes these are important areas for development, but need to be balanced with a curriculum that stretches him and doesn't allow him to get bored.

rozmister

I would contact your local council about their G & T (Gifted and Talented) provision. It's called as a SEN and they should offer extra support to nurture his mind not stifle it. A lady at my work's daughter is registered as G & T and gets extra classes at school because of it. He doesn't sound autistic (in my experience) of autism he just sounds like a quite intelligent child with an analytical mind. Nothing wrong with that!

deedee71

I'm sorry but your whole post does seem a bit OTT and I can see where the suggestion your parenting is the cause of your son's behaviour comes from. He is rude and aggressive to other children, unable/unwilling to listen to a swimming instructor or follow rules and you seem to think the school is at fault - at the age of 4.

Instead of trying to give him a label which you clearly relish - "Aspie" - try introducing him more to the world around him and help him develop socially.