Aspergers/ASD support thread

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

sh1305 wrote: »

You must keep on. And see a different GP.

Have you got in touch with NAS?

We haven't been able to see our gp as she has been off since Xmas but i'm going to make an appointment for as soon as she comes back & ask for Liam to be reassessed as he was only 10 when diagnosed & want to make sure he has the correct diagnosis.

I haven't managed to get hold of the NAS yet either but will try again Monday.

I feel like i'm going round & round in circles.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

julie03 wrote: »

i honestly dont know if this would help, but my son has aspergers but is only 8 and is similar to your son but in milder way, the asd co-ordinater at his school has suggested a points system to help with similar problems, the points get him time on his netbook as that is the main thing he likes

he lashes out when he thinks things are unfair and has been known to kick and throw things at my head, and i will admit my reaction was to send him upstairs but he would only get worse and it would only end up in these massive arguments and i would end up losing the plot.

he gets points for things like not tormenting his brother , getting ready for school without hassle, that kind of thing and if he is extra helpful he will gain points so gets him to think more about social skills
the other thing we do is if he is really getting argumentative we have to use our hands and give him two choices the right choice and the wrong one, and we have to make sure we show our hands for each choice so he sees it as a visual choice, its hard work and its like learning a whole new set of parenting rules but he has calmed down a little bit and is slightly more managable

sorry if i rambled
hope this could help you a little, i know its different for kids that are teenagers

I tried all that sort of thing when he was younger as both he & his brother who has aspergers had behavial problems but nothing ever seemed to work with Liam.

Tbh I have never been able to punish him properly as he doesn't seem to care about anything.

He can be sat in his room with no games consoles, no tv but still won't back down as he is so stubborn.

I could cope with the just being naughty as I would tell myself it was his autism but with the violence i'm terrified what he will be like when the baby is born.

blue_monkey_2

Can I ask if he has heard you say that you'll put him into care or have heard others say you'll put him into care. My son hears everything I say about him, you might think he is not listening but they are. Even if they are in a different room.

A few weeks ago DS started biting anyone and everyone and I took him back to school on day 1 and mentioned it and his teacher said 'it's probably because of coming back to school'. I am the parent and I never figured but yes, he has not bitten since, it was his way of dealing with the new changes after the Xmas holiday.

The violence is your sons way of trying to explain to you he cannot understand what is going on around him. When your other son comes home it will be because he is going to have changes in his life - changes that he cannot understand as the changes come and then the changes go. Does he share a room with his brother for example? He might not want his brother touching his things, watching certain TV programmes, aming certain noises even - this is your sons way of telling you. The violence towards the baby is also your sons way of telling you he cannot understand what is going on, what changes there are going to be in the house. Is the baby going to cry all night, the list really is endless.

He does not know what is going to happen when the baby arrives, the baby does not have the same dad as he does, maybe he feels that he is going to be pushed out (more so if he has heard you say the above) - has the violence got worse since you have been with your new partner and with your illness too, a lot of this will probably stem from all of these things but while they may seem minor they will be HUGE for him so i think you need to tackle one thing at a time.

Does he get pocket money? I have started a reward chart type thing where they 'earn'pocket money for doing certain things, things that then become 2nd nature. You should have this in place and it be 2nd nature for when the baby arrives so you can add jobs around the baby such as making the cot, helping with bottles/cleaning, to earn pocket money.

I have to say I'd steer clear of CAMHS tbh as they'll end up blaming you and your past relationship with his dad if what I hear from other ASD parents is anything to go by. Social Services will not be much help either. What about an after school club for him to give him something else to do if you cannot cope with him at home? Maybe his DLA could fund a specialist counsellor for him to speak to so they can help find out what the problem is.

GP's are not at all trained with ASD at all, all they can do os refer you and you know how long it gets to be seen - months. Which will be too late - so you need to find a specialist doctor, there are some you can be referred to but you have to pay, but as the problem needs to be dealt with ASAP then maybe this is your best option. Ring NAS and ask if they can tell you the details of a doctor locally but that you can pay for, then ask your doctor to refer you.

Flyboy152

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

Ryan has asperger's but is nowhere near as badly effected by the autism as Liam is & high functioning.

The only Reason Ryan got support was because he had behavial issues at school rather than at home.

It just doesn't seem fair as Ryan is now thriving at school & will be leaving in a few months ready to go to college to do his A levels.

Liam struggles with school & there is no way he would cope at college or be able to get a job if someone doesn't help him now.

I don't know about respite as no one has ever mentioned it tbh.

You really have been dealt a challenging hand and I empathise with you all the way. I only have the one Aspie and I know how much of an adventure that is and I am personally dreading the teenage years. I applaud your efforts to maintain the peace with your extended family (what wonderful supportive bunch of people they are ), they must be very proud of themselves :mad: to treat you that way. If they would be as quick to cut you off when you make decisions about your own children, I would wonder if they are worth bothering about at all, to be honest?

What contact do you with support groups in your local area. I had a quick look at respite care for your area and came up with this. It is just a general idea, it may not suit your needs, but it is a start for looking at places that might. Contact social services and ask them about respite care. Another source might be Ryan's school, they might know of some places that might suit you and Liam.

Respite doesn't solve all your problems, but it might give you and Liam the chance to cool off and have a rest from each other and re-charge the batteries.

Flyboy152

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

We haven't been able to see our gp as she has been off since Xmas but i'm going to make an appointment for as soon as she comes back & ask for Liam to be reassessed as he was only 10 when diagnosed & want to make sure he has the correct diagnosis.

I haven't managed to get hold of the NAS yet either but will try again Monday.

I feel like i'm going round & round in circles.

Don't forget to ask her for a prescription for those crayons.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

blue_monkey wrote: »

Can I ask if he has heard you say that you'll put him into care or have heard others say you'll put him into care. My son hears everything I say about him, you might think he is not listening but they are. Even if they are in a different room.

A few weeks ago DS started biting anyone and everyone and I took him back to school on day 1 and mentioned it and his teacher said 'it's probably because of coming back to school'. I am the parent and I never figured but yes, he has not bitten since, it was his way of dealing with the new changes after the Xmas holiday.

The violence is your sons way of trying to explain to you he cannot understand what is going on around him. When your other son comes home it will be because he is going to have changes in his life - changes that he cannot understand as the changes come and then the changes go. Does he share a room with his brother for example? He might not want his brother touching his things, watching certain TV programmes, aming certain noises even - this is your sons way of telling you. The violence towards the baby is also your sons way of telling you he cannot understand what is going on, what changes there are going to be in the house. Is the baby going to cry all night, the list really is endless.

He does not know what is going to happen when the baby arrives, the baby does not have the same dad as he does, maybe he feels that he is going to be pushed out (more so if he has heard you say the above) - has the violence got worse since you have been with your new partner and with your illness too, a lot of this will probably stem from all of these things but while they may seem minor they will be HUGE for him so i think you need to tackle one thing at a time.

Does he get pocket money? I have started a reward chart type thing where they 'earn'pocket money for doing certain things, things that then become 2nd nature. You should have this in place and it be 2nd nature for when the baby arrives so you can add jobs around the baby such as making the cot, helping with bottles/cleaning, to earn pocket money.

I have to say I'd steer clear of CAMHS tbh as they'll end up blaming you and your past relationship with his dad if what I hear from other ASD parents is anything to go by. Social Services will not be much help either. What about an after school club for him to give him something else to do if you cannot cope with him at home? Maybe his DLA could fund a specialist counsellor for him to speak to so they can help find out what the problem is.

GP's are not at all trained with ASD at all, all they can do os refer you and you know how long it gets to be seen - months. Which will be too late - so you need to find a specialist doctor, there are some you can be referred to but you have to pay, but as the problem needs to be dealt with ASAP then maybe this is your best option. Ring NAS and ask if they can tell you the details of a doctor locally but that you can pay for, then ask your doctor to refer you.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. :A

He hasn't heard me talk about putting him in care & i'd never say that to him, infact I don't want to I just want to get him some therapy or counselling.

He has always hurt his brother & sister so the 2 boys have pretty much always had their own rooms, his brother used to get taken to hospital in an ambulance quite regularly when they shared for a few months..

I've had problems with him since he was a toddler tbh he used to head butt us when he was in a strop & punched my adult next door neighbour in the face when he was 5 or 6.

He doesn't actually have a dad as he left 4 weeks before Liam was born although he does have a step dad they have never really gotten on.

I've tried to get him to participate in after school activities but he point blank refuses to go which is a shame as I know it would do him good.

He doesn't get pocket money but when he is good I buy him Microsoft points for him to use on his Xbox.

He doesn't actually have chores set but I will ask him to unload the dishwasher occasionally which sets him off so it's best not to bother.

I'm going to ring NAS Monday as I feel it's the only option I have left & i'm so hoping that they can help.

Savvy_Sue

one thing about "it's not fair" is that no, it's not.

I say of DS1, who is a mild Aspie, that he was born with a highly developed sense of INjustice. nothing seemed fair to him, and after him moaning about the unfairness of DS2 having a friend to play I once asked what would make it fair, and it was him having friends all the time and his brothers never.

since then I've set out to communicate that yes, life is tough, life is NOT fair: deal with it! and also that as parents our job is NOT to make life a bed of roses for them, but to enable them to deal with life's unfairness.

that may be as much help as paper and coloured pencils, but I share it in the hope that it will help you realise that you cannot make life fair for him, so maybe the next step is to consider how you help him deal with that ...

I think b_m talks a lot of sense, btw, about his responses to change!

fincsher

Brenny wrote: »

It looks like there is a secret world of no undie wearers out there!! :rolleyes:

Brenny

What is it? so mysterious. :A

seven-day-weekend

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

one thing about "it's not fair" is that no, it's not.

I say of DS1, who is a mild Aspie, that he was born with a highly developed sense of INjustice. nothing seemed fair to him, and after him moaning about the unfairness of DS2 having a friend to play I once asked what would make it fair, and it was him having friends all the time and his brothers never.

since then I've set out to communicate that yes, life is tough, life is NOT fair: deal with it! and also that as parents our job is NOT to make life a bed of roses for them, but to enable them to deal with life's unfairness.

that may be as much help as paper and coloured pencils, but I share it in the hope that it will help you realise that you cannot make life fair for him, so maybe the next step is to consider how you help him deal with that ...

I think b_m talks a lot of sense, btw, about his responses to change!

Yes, so do I AND I totally agree with SS's post quoted above. They have to learn to deal with unfairness. You can't make it fair because it is not. You and he have been dealt a different hand to most, but you have to play the hand you have been dealt, therefore it has to be dealt with differently.

I hope that he gets the help he needs.

starnight_2

I'm here to vent.

Having seen the doc before christmas and told the school would receive a letter and referred to ed psych, I feel I've been patient so far as the school have heard nothing... not unusual for things to be running late! So today decided to phone paediatrician secretary and find out how much longer it would be... wel they are 2 MONTHS behind in their typing. Realistically this means the ed psych won't receive referral until end of Febuary, start of March, and the chances of them seeing DS before end of shcool year is slim. I am one frustrated parent, though the secretary did say she would speak to paed and see if they could get the letter typed faster