Aspergers/ASD support thread

Mandles

Amazing the difference 30 mins can make. I was fine before and now i am just bawling my eyes out! The teacher has told me that my DS may need to go to a special school. I thought he was doing so well aswell. She said that he does do things like sit in assemblies but she does not think that anything is going in and in lessons too. He is extremely difficult and has a one to one (his first helper was not very good but the very new one is fab). He does do exactly what HE wants to do but sometimes will do what is asked of him like i observed today although he does wander off when he has enough.

I feel so depressed now. I know special schools are not the end of the world but i so thought that he could get through ok in a small mainstream school as i thought he was not that bad. It is just that he must be worse than i imagined...it is like being told he has asd all over again.

Bitsy_Beans

Mandles wrote: »

Amazing the difference 30 mins can make. I was fine before and now i am just bawling my eyes out! The teacher has told me that my DS may need to go to a special school. I thought he was doing so well aswell. She said that he does do things like sit in assemblies but she does not think that anything is going in and in lessons too. He is extremely difficult and has a one to one (his first helper was not very good but the very new one is fab). He does do exactly what HE wants to do but sometimes will do what is asked of him like i observed today although he does wander off when he has enough.

I feel so depressed now. I know special schools are not the end of the world but i so thought that he could get through ok in a small mainstream school as i thought he was not that bad. It is just that he must be worse than i imagined...it is like being told he has asd all over again.

Have a inadequate hug from me xx

Are there any schools in your area that say have a small unit for kids with additional needs attached to it? I confess I don't now much about these sorts of things, my DS is in nursery and at the moment his ASD appears to be on the milder side for now.

How long has he had his new helper? Has this improved how responsive he is to doing other things or not?

Sorry feeling like I am not helping you much but didn't want to read and run xx

blue_monkey_2

Mandles,

I know it feels hard but the thing is your son will get all the helps he needs and more in a Special School - which are not as bad as they sound. The teachers have more experience with ASD children. There is one school in the area for children with ASD and it has things like a sensory room and the teachers understand how to deal with meltdowns more than they do in mainstream and they have their own pool and specialist teachers. PLUS the biggie is that other parents understand. Take a deep breath and see this for what it is. It might be a blessing, why not go and have a look at the school they want to send him to, or look for schools in the area, and have a look at them before you think this is a bad thing.

The thing is with mainstream school they cope as well as they can but some really are not that much good. If he is wandering off then his 1:1 will have to bring him back and get his attention so why are they not doing this or why is it becoming an issue if he has help through the day? My son does all of that but does not get 1:1 and they have not suggested a special school which indicates the school cannot cope (are they withdrawing his funding?) is the helper a paid one? I've found out that my son has whatever parent helper is in for the day sitting with him but he does not get 1:1. Do you think the school cannot cope with him? If not then you need to find one that can. Some schools are exceptional, some are pretty pants, as are some teachers. Have they tried Social Stories with him? They have helped immensly with my son but my school know I'll not take any prisoners to get him what he needs

blue_monkey_2

Oh, and Mandles. Please go and speak to the school now and ask if they can speak to the Autism Advisory Service and ask them to come in. They will come and see your school and advise them best on how to deal with your son and they will come in and give them the help he needs. The thing is, I have told the school over and over about the things my son does but it takes something huge to happen to make them realise he is not like the other kids and needs that little bit more.

My son does not take in anything he hears, it has to be visual, so now he has the social stories, they also have a planner on the wall and each day the lessons and activities they have are put in order for the day - even break times - so he knows what is planned for the day and he can deal with this better. His teacher comes in and says it is the first thing he looks at before he goes and puts his coat and bag away. The small things make a huge difference, they just have to realise.

And also to add, my son has only just started taking stuff in and they said he now is doing amazing work. However, to do this he has his own work space or a parent helper and he is on Meds for his ADHD which he started just after he was 6. I really, really did not want them to work but he is doing much better and his writing seems to have changed overnight so he is staying on them for now.

Our latest challenge is the summer performance is coming and he told me this morning he did not want to wear flowers and sing as there was no point in it. For which he has a point I guess, LOL, now I've got to get around that one!! I told him that it would only be for 5 minutes and he said that actually it was for 16 minutes as he had counted them. He does make me laugh sometimes. And cry.

Mandles

Thanks Bitsy Beans it did make me feel better. It is nice to have support for others who know like you.

Also , thanks so much again Blue monkey. They are reviewing his statement soon so this is how it has all come about. His first helper was so rubbish that i knew immediately that she was going to be no good, especially when i asked her what he would mean if he said " blah or blah ...." etc as his communication is poor and he uses funny words for things. She had no clue . I asked new helper and she knew straight away as she had read the notes that i gave to the school long ago. Also she is just totally brilliant with him and him getting undressed for p.e is now not an issue as it has been since he started.

He is learning a little and he loves the school. It is a small school and 5 children have special needs in his class alone (all have funding for helpers). I wonder if they are having a clear out! Funding is still in place for a one to one. I understand that they have no sensory room but now i wonder if i can add some sensory bits for a large room that i think is the room used for kids like him.

I am a little angry as they have messed him about by not letting him start when he was supposed to as his good planned helper had gone to someone else, then had a rubbish one to one helper, would not let him do more than 3 hours for ages. and he has finally only been full time for not even a term. I wonder if they are adding them all up and thinking that the teacher next year wont be able to cope with them all.

I also did say that i will fight it and i will . He copies behaviour so i would rather him copy normal behaviour (even though i know "normal " is not always perfect either" , than start rocking or hand flapping which thankfully he does not do at the moment as he has enough odd things in his behaviour as it is. He has terrible eye contact when it all is too much stimuli but i think that he needs to get used to it rather than go to a special school.

That social stories sounds very interesting. I will ask about that for definate. What is it? Also what makes a sensory room?

Thanks again for your help.

Savvy_Sue

Social Stories is, in crude terms, a series of pictures showing what's happening / going to happen.

A friend has used them: I've seen her weekly planner: I think it has breakfast, school, home or afterschool activity followed by home, tea, sleep - that kind of thing. Then at weekends it will have what they are doing, eg Sunday will have breakfast, church, lunch, activity, tea, sleep.

She also used them when she trained her child not to have nighttime nappies. It showed the child sad because they weren't having a nappy put on at bedtime, but still going to bed, then sleeping all night and waking up dry and happy. (Mum was convinced that the feeling of wearing a nappy meant child would just wee at night, then wake up crying because nappy was wet!)

BTW, have another inadequate hug from me Mandles. My friend also found it very hard when her child moved to Special School: the LEA and the mainstream school had tried to argue for split schooling (ie mornings at mainstream and afternoons at special school) which she didn't think would work at all well. Once her child was AT special school f/t she asked, on a scale of 1 to 10, where her child was, and was a bit shocked when they said '9' - because all along the mainstream school had been trying to pretend it wasn't so bad.

Several years down the line, this child now speaks and makes choices, which just didn't happen. The child is still very 'special', obviously so, but there has been far more progress than had been anticipated.

You want the best for your own child, of course you do. The trick is working out what IS best, and honestly, it may be special school, or it may be a different mainstream with a 'special' unit, or a different mainstream with the right support.

Mandles

Thanks Savvy Sue. I didn't realise that they were social stories. I know he had that for playgroup. I don't think he has it for school.I will question it on monday.

You put a lot of good points across for special school. I am still not convinced but i still think that he is not as bad as they think (maybe in denial, who knows!) I am so annoyed as i said how he was before he went there and asked if they could accomidate him and they said , "yes!". I feel that they have wasted my time and his and he could have been somehwere else and not have to change all over again if they had just said no , they even met him before so knew what he was like.

Who are the people that come to primary school to check how he is getting on and suggest things? Is it just the people who do the statement now? I know it was the First Team at playgroup but not sure who it is now. I want him assessed by them and may call them myself.

Happy_Girl_2

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment, and don't seem to be able to reassure myself!

I have been doing a job which is really Aspie friendly. Lovely staff, clear instructions and lots of repetitive tasks that I can just go in every day, get my head down and get on with

I was offered a new job which was working less days for more money and being lured by working less days, I accepted it. The new job is in a different field to my old job but in a field I have worked in before

I left my old job this week and start my new job soon. I keep thinking I shouldn't have done that and should have stayed where I knew I enjoyed my days and the managers appreciated my tenacious efforts to my role, and high productivity level. Every time I remember I won't be going back there, it makes me feel sad and teary

When I worked in the new field previously, I had sole responsibility and I did struggle at times due to my Aspie issues, but didn't know then why I was struggling. This time around I will be working with another person, so sharing the responsibility, but I can't get rid of the feeling that I am going to fail at the new role, or will hate it if it isn't Aspie friendly like my old job

I realise I can't resolve this until I start the new job, but my gut is telling me I should have stuck with what I knew and I've made a huge mistake!

Does anyone else have experience of this and did it turn out ok in the end?

Peanuckle

it does sound like it's a typical Aspie reaction to a new experience and a change of routine in my opinion. You were comfortable in your old job and knew exactly what was expected of you, until you have started the new job it is very much a new, and unknown, experience and therefore scary.

My eldest (who is 17) is going through a similar thing at the moment, he's just left school and is starting a HNC course at college after the summer, he's teary and stressed at the moment because his routine has gone and the safety net that was the familiarity of school just isn't there now. He'll settle in at college easily enough and he knows that but it doesn't stop the little voice that keeps saying that he won't cope (plus he is blaming himself for anything that goes wrong in the school now he's not there)


Hang in there Happy Girl, it WILL work itself out but as you said not until you start the new job.

Savvy_Sue

Happy Girl, it sounds entirely normal to feel like that, Aspie or not! However it's probably magnified for you, being Aspie. I don't know what 'works' for you, but maybe telling yourself that it will be OK would help. You are a good, tenacious worker, and they WILL come to appreciate you! Plus now you know why you're the way you are, you may find it easier to tell people if there are 'adjustments' you need, like not suddenly asking you to stop what you're doing half way through and start something else!