Aspergers/ASD support thread

Savvy_Sue

Dummie wrote:

LOL. This was my first reaction too!

But then I thought, surely if they use this kind of test to confirm whatever it is in their book, then surely most children must respond each time? I think they were expecting him to.

Yes, most children might respond every time, but surely the most intelligent ones don't? :rotfl: "Yup, know what that is, now, let me get on with this ..."

carbonel wrote:

I am so glad he was able to take that step but, as you might imagine, contact from him is very sporadic - in fact nil for some time now! That's one of the most frustrating things about autism - their lack of understanding of emotions, particularly other people's emotions, my son would say that he hasn't anything in particular to tell me about so why does he need to keep in touch! He cannot understand what all the fuss is about!:rolleyes:

:rotfl: I don't know if you or your son use MSN or similar, but I find it invaluable for 'keeping tabs' on DS1 who is away at Uni now. I do not 'chat' to him every day, but I usually see he is online at some time during the day. If I haven't 'chatted' for a few days the following conversation usually follows:

Me: Hi there.
Him: Hello.
Me: You OK?
Him: Yes.

If I know he's had coursework due in I sometimes enquire after that, and get 'Fine' as the response.

when I'm ready for bed I tell him it's time for him to go to bed too, and we say goodnight.

Actually, this pretty much mirrors an evening's conversation IRL (in real life), although when he's home I usually ask him to wash up!

Carmina_Piranha_3

i have MSN conversations like that with my brothers, they live in the same town and aren't autistic :rotfl:

i like savvy's comment about the most intelligent children not responding when my son had his tests at the child development centre they told me he had ADHD because he didn't concentrate, i think he just didn't see the point. he's ten now and is around average - not a genius but not struggling.

Savvy_Sue

Carmina_Piranha wrote:

i like savvy's comment about the most intelligent children not responding when my son had his tests at the child development centre they told me he had ADHD because he didn't concentrate, i think he just didn't see the point.

Actually that's another feature of ASD, isn't it, that you don't do things you don't see the point of? Although you have to balance that against doing things because the 'rules' say you must ...

I guess until they know it's 'the rules' they don't do it if they can't see the point of it ...

Dummie_2

I've been away from home for 2 days so have only just read all your replies.

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you who have taken the time to post. All of your post means a lot to me, if only to remind me that I'm not the only one in this situation.

Referring back to the comments about not seeing the point in responding. I think this is the case with DS's verbal communication. He has said a number of words before such as orange, mummy, daddy, pick up, no, milk, yoghurt, tv, kangaroo (his bedtime soft toy) and yes (I can remember them all!!). But with most of these words he's only said them once. Some of them he's repeated them repeatedly in one go but has never said them again. His way of communicating is by taking my hand and leading me to whatever it is he wants or by making a sound that's like 'uh uh uh uh' (I can usually guess what he wants). I think that if he's able to achieve what he wants without using verbal communication then he doesn't see the point in it. Does this make sense? If this is the case, should I make it less easy for him to communicate his needs/wants via non-verbal communication by pretending not to understand him? For sure this will lead to a very fraustrated tantrum but will this help him?

Savvy_Sue

Dummie wrote:

His way of communicating is by taking my hand and leading me to whatever it is he wants or by making a sound that's like 'uh uh uh uh' (I can usually guess what he wants). I think that if he's able to achieve what he wants without using verbal communication then he doesn't see the point in it. Does this make sense? If this is the case, should I make it less easy for him to communicate his needs/wants via non-verbal communication by pretending not to understand him? For sure this will lead to a very fraustrated tantrum but will this help him?

I would take advice about this, but what you are saying makes sense to me. You might start by repeating to him what you think it is he wants, and asking if it is kangaroo, tv, yoghurt etc he wants, and giving LOTS of praise if he says 'yes'. And perhaps - I'm guessing a bit here - by getting what he wants, but not letting go of if until you've said several times what it is and see if he will repeat it back to you.

I know you will think you sound insane, parrotting away to him and getting not a lot back, giving a running commentary on life, but there are bits of this many of us do with our children anyway (at least I think it is!): they want a biscuit, we want them to say please and thank you, so we don't 'hear' them until they say please, and we hang onto it until they've said 'thank you'.

All children will do things the easy way if they can, don't you think?

sparky61

Dummie wrote:

I've been away from home for 2 days so have only just read all your replies.

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you who have taken the time to post. All of your post means a lot to me, if only to remind me that I'm not the only one in this situation.

Referring back to the comments about not seeing the point in responding. I think this is the case with DS's verbal communication. He has said a number of words before such as orange, mummy, daddy, pick up, no, milk, yoghurt, tv, kangaroo (his bedtime soft toy) and yes (I can remember them all!!). But with most of these words he's only said them once. Some of them he's repeated them repeatedly in one go but has never said them again. His way of communicating is by taking my hand and leading me to whatever it is he wants or by making a sound that's like 'uh uh uh uh' (I can usually guess what he wants). I think that if he's able to achieve what he wants without using verbal communication then he doesn't see the point in it. Does this make sense? If this is the case, should I make it less easy for him to communicate his needs/wants via non-verbal communication by pretending not to understand him? For sure this will lead to a very fraustrated tantrum but will this help him?

Hi :hello:
I used to work with autistic children as an LSA.
2 of the children used to do the same thing and lead me to whatever they wanted and at first I would give it to them without them actually having to ask, but I would repeat the name as I was giving it eg: Banana or chocolate nesquik and then gradually I began to give them a choice and ask "would you like banana or chocolate?" and surprisingly it worked very quickly. We then progressed to "would you like it in a blue cup or a red cup?" I also did the same thing at lunchtime by asking if they would like 2 or 3 sausages/fishfingers.
As Sue mentioned, lots of praise can really help.
Good luck, you sound like a great Mum
:beer:

Dummie_2

Some good ideas there. Thanks. I always repeat the name of the object I'm giving to him. I also talk alot to him about what we're doing. Like when in the supermarket I will ask him if we should buy some bananas or I'll ask him if he remembers where the bread is kept. I'm sure other shoppers think I'm mad....LOL.....but I've pasted the stage of caring. Anyway, I will definitely try out your suggestions.

Regarding praise. A lot of the time, when I praise him, he will shake his head (meaning no). He understands that shaking his head means no because he does it when I offer him more food but he's had enough, or when I offer him other things and he doesn't want it. He'll also do it when strangers come up too close and talk to him. Any insight into this? It's like he doesn't want us to praise him but surely this can't be? I was always under the impression that ALL children like praise.

Carmina_Piranha_3

hi dummie,
i've been talking about rooster's speech this week, it seems to be 'criticise other people's children and make their mum feel rubbish' week at the toddler groups :rotfl:

there are quite a few words that he's said only once, and then hasn't said again. i don't think there's anything for me to worry about, even though it's unusual for a child of his age to go for a week or more without saying anything. some children concentrate on other things. somebody pointed out that those mums who wonder why my son doesn't talk would be horrified if i asked why theirs can't dribble a football or walk up and down stairs, and evilly suggested getting everyone to meet up at our leisure centre for the indoor toddler session and then loudly wondering why their kids aren't able to climb onto the bouncy castle and jump around :rotfl: he's concentrating on mastering physical skills and couldn't care less about verbal skills at the moment. i'm doing my best to ignore the one-upmanship between the mums (and i keep my ears firmly closed when potty training is mentioned!) but it does seem there's a conspiracy to point out the children who don't talk :mad:

reading other posts on here makes me certain that my ten year old is on the autism spectrum but delayed speech doesn't make me think my one year old is too. so i try not to worry but other mums won't shut up.

if he has said orange and kangaroo i think he must be able to speak because those aren't easy words to say, but for some reason he just doesn't think speaking is important at the moment. i hope you get appointments through soon though, it's worrying when autism is mentioned and you're not sure what to do about it.

Savvy_Sue

Dummie wrote:

Regarding praise. A lot of the time, when I praise him, he will shake his head (meaning no). He understands that shaking his head means no because he does it when I offer him more food but he's had enough, or when I offer him other things and he doesn't want it. He'll also do it when strangers come up too close and talk to him. Any insight into this? It's like he doesn't want us to praise him but surely this can't be? I was always under the impression that ALL children like praise.

Well, yours is a bit young for this perhaps, but the lovely school doc who flagged up DS1's AS, said that he was obviously able, but that many of these children lacked confidence in their ability, perhaps a bit of a perfectionist etc.

Classic example: because we were moving, she wrote a letter for me to pass on to next school outlining what seemed to be different about DS1. And I asked if he would like me to read it to him - of course he was perfectly capable of reading it himself, but we'd already talked about what the doctor had said and I wanted to have a discussion with him. It started:

"A is an able child ..."

"No I'm not!" said DS!

"... who sometimes have difficulty accepting this."

"No I'm ... " Lightbulb moment, whirring cogs, logic override.

I could practically SEE him thinking: "If I say "No I don't", I'm accepting that I'm able, but I don't accept that I'm able, so I cannot logically object that I have difficulty accepting that I'm able, and if I change my mind and say "Yes that's right" I'm accepting that I'm able but have difficulty accepting this, so I am stuffed!"

I would say that DS1 doesn't like a big fuss about anything, even now. His GCSE results, his 'A' levels, getting into his first choice uni were all 'no big deal'. OK, that's a bit teenager-ish, but even when he was younger I don't remember him ever coming rushing out and telling me something. For example, in Year 5 they did the UK Maths Challenge, and he came out of school and when I asked if he had any letters, he passed me two certificates: a 'Best in School' and a 'Silver' award, which put him in the top 19% of children who'd taken this test, most of whom were at least 2 years older than him. I'm afraid I did a goldfish impersonation - I apologised quickly and said that it wasn't that I didn't know he was clever, I just didn't know he was THAT clever. And when I commented that he was in the top 20% he pretty soon put me right - it was 19%, no rounding allowed!

So, I wouldn't stop praising your son, but just be aware that he might not like you going OTT about things, and he might also NOT think he has done something well, because it wasn't as well as he would have liked.

BTW, I've just remembered, when DS1 was almost two, he flatly refused to say Happy Birthday to me on my birthday. Or indeed anything! Even the offer of cake was not enough to entice him. We were mystified: it was something he COULD say, but he wasn't about to do so.

One way in which this 'speech aversion' worked to MY advantage was in making him say sorry: if he deliberately and wilfully did something he knew was wrong, he HAD to say sorry (whether he meant it or not, IYKWIM). We would stand there until he did. Clearly he hated it, because once he'd been MADE to say sorry for something, he never did it again.

Another thing about DS1 is that when he did start speaking, he used sentences. We concluded he'd had nothing significant to say before that ...

Oh, and again you might want to check this out, but a friend finds that when she calls something by the wrong name, her autistic child immediately corrects her. So if mum says "Here's your milk" and it's orange juice, child says "orange juice". She's been able to use this in all sorts of situations to get the child speaking. It is pedantry as an art form: "Pull up your trousers and pants" when potty training was always followed by "Pants first, Mummy!" Yes darling, whatever you say ... :rotfl:

Nikki

Dummie wrote:

Hello Nikki

Thank you for up-dating. I'm glad you're being listened to and that they'll do further test to try to get to the bottom of everything. When are the test scheduled? Pls keep us up-dated. You are still in my thoughts.

As posted previously, we've got the hearing test coming up on the 19 Jan 07. I'm just trying to go with the flow and not get too stressed about it. A few posters have said that no matter what, a diagnosis doesn't change anything. That it doesn't change who LO is. I'm keeping these words in my thoughts and in my heart because it's true. My DS will always be my lovely, darling little sweetie whom I love more than anything else.

Only just seen this post! Had DS1's appt today, we are now at the end of the road as far as CAHMS go. They have said he has mild autism and there is nothing else they can do except refer us to an autism support group. His autism is classed as mild because he has had no speach delay/problems. They also no longer think he has ADHD, but at the time(4 years ago) it was the most appropriate diagnosis as the behaviour he displayed fit ADHD. I am now very aware that ADHD is commonly misdiagnosed before ASD. Hope things are well with you and I'll be interested to hear how things progress with your DS.