Aspergers/ASD support thread

PasturesNew

madhouse wrote: »

it needs a purpose and a structure so that he know the path to follow and why he is doing it.

This is the bit I was looking for.

I wasn't asking for anything unreasonable I didn't think... just to know that if I went off for 10 weeks and wrote something, that when I'd done it it wasn't all "Oh no, that's got nothing to do with it. That's not what we're after"

There are no examples given either.

"critical analysis". While I can understand the words of that part, and could critically analyse things, my problem would then come with knowing how much/little critical analysis is required. Again, with no examples to see of how this looks when it's written, I have too many formats/ways going round in my head to be able to start. Because I can't start until I know the rules

And again, now I am struggling to communicate what I mean.

This is actually my 2nd module.

I didn't start/complete the 1st one for these same reasons. I had to do a critical analysis ... and I wanted to see one or two to just show me what one looks like visually. And there was none. And also module 1 needed me to read an Essential Reading List - but I couldn't get hold of the books. And there was a Further Reading List but felt unable to do any further reading if I'd not done the essential reading. I found that without having the books I had trouble starting anything, then without having ever had sight of any critical analysis I felt unable to put pen to paper in the first instance. I was really going round in mental circles. And I tried asking again and again and got nowhere.

I did try asking before re seeing a critical analysis, but again, I drew a blank.

This is all costing me a lot of money to achieve nothing/do nothing.

I am trying to ask the questions, not getting answers, then just having meltdowns and sitting staring at my screen thinking "I should do something ..." but then I get caught up in a whole spiral mentally as my simple starter requirements/questions were not met/answered.

And it's annoying. I know I can do all this stuff... just show me how you want it so it's perfect and I don't just waste all my time producing something that's wrong because you never showed me and I have no experience of what these things look like.

madhouse

PN- I think what you are asking for is not only perfectly reasonable but also essential for someone with Asperger's syndrome. I think it might be helpful to tell her what you have just said ( assuming that you haven't already) or if you are happy to show her what you have typed on here you could maybe copy and paste some and show it to her. She needs to know how essential it is to have some structure and she might benefit from obtaining some reading material from the National Autistic Society or checking out their website.

Good Luck

PasturesNew

madhouse wrote: »

PN- I think what you are asking for is not only perfectly reasonable but also essential for someone with Asperger's syndrome.

I thought so :0

madhouse wrote: »

I think it might be helpful to tell her what you have just said ( assuming that you haven't already) ... copy and paste some and show it to her. She needs to know how essential it is to have some structure and she might benefit from obtaining some reading material from the National Autistic Society or checking out their website.

Good Luck

The thing is, this is distance learning, you're supposed to do it on your own. As I am the first one she's ever met and I am considered a part-time student I can't see that it would be a high priority for her.

I've always rolled over and played dead. Walked away. Stopped. Not pursued. Not persisted. Because in the past I've found I'm just banging my head against a wall. I believe "not wanting to put anybody out/be a nuisance" is a female Aspie thing really... and as there's nobody to fight my corner for me it can be easy to let things slide.

She said she will find out what the Uni has and will let me know Tuesday. So I'll see what she emails then.

Savvy_Sue

fsdss wrote: »

Sorry i didnt make myself clear - i am looking for one specialised playworker - i already have 3 members of staff, + 1 student, and although we have experience with working with children who have special needs - autism isn't one of our "usual" requests although we have worked with autistic children, not on a group basis.

Ah, I thought it was more likely something like that ... Well, as I said before there's not a lot I can say, because DS1 is mild and we've never experienced anything like this, but hopefully you'll get a bit more input from those whose children suffer 'meltdowns' and the like.

Also, from what PN has been saying, clarity is a big thing: not just being clear, but understanding how to be clear, and knowing what to do about it when you haven't, if that distinction makes sense ...

PN, I don't know how you get what you want, exactly, but I can tell you that you are not alone! I know the chap we live with has AS, and I am sure that DH is on the spectrum too, although he has now 'learned' very good social skills. And boy, do they have a problem communicating! A asks a question, B answers it, but either B has not understood the question or A has not understood the answer. And they both walk away frustrated! Once he's worked out what the question was, B will sometimes come back with the answer a day or so later.

Oddly, I can work out quicker than DH when I'm failing to communicate, although I still can't necessarily phrase my questions in such a way that I'll get answers I can understand. He will answer the question I've asked, however, even if he knows it's not giving me the information I need, which can be equally frustration: I KNOW that, and HE knows I know that, so why is he telling me again? Once, when I was working for him, he explained that he had no way of knowing what it was I didn't know, and until he'd worked out what I didn't know, he wouldn't be able to tell me what I needed to know! I guess that about sums it up ...

Anyway, PN, even though you are a distance learning and part-time student, it's still not in the college's interests that you fail to complete the course. So if you don't get what you need from the tutor, I would email and explain that while a list might constrain other people, your special needs mean that NOT having any list or structure constrains or even paralyses you. A list needn't be limiting: you might see something on it and think "ah, I could take that and apply it to the way I think."

Succession management, btw, is I think where you plan for someone(s) to take over from you. I heard on the News Quiz one of their clippings to the effect that the Society of Jesus (aka the Jesuits) were looking for a new leader, which you may or may not find amusing. It made me giggle, because clearly in an ideal world Jesus would be their leader, and DH explained that actually it's a unique situation: whoever's been Chief Jesuit in the past has died in office, like the Pope. In that situation, there's very little succession management you can do, because you don't know who'll still be around and fit enough to do the job when the present 'boss' dies.

On the other hand, the Royal Family CAN do a bit of succession management, because there's a clear structure of who would take over and in what order. On a very simple level, I believe they don't like Prince Charles and his sons to fly on the same plane, in case it falls out of the sky and the crown would be passed to someone way down the list.

Even clearer succession management has happened in the charity I work for, where the senior manager has always given over 6 months' notice of intention to quit, so we've had plenty of time to prepare. Last time we'd worked out who was going to take over, how it would work, and thoroughly investigated all the pros and cons before they started their final month.

I hope that makes sense. That may not have been what they meant, but it's what I would have made of it. Hope you feel better tomorrow, as well: it's not you, it's other people! And sometimes we can't help it either!

PasturesNew

Feeling better today. Today the feelings are hurt and distress.

Meltdowns don't last just then because you're left with feelings of frustration and you have to go over everything again in your head to continue to try to make sense and get the answers from yourself that you didn't get from others; but you can't because you don't know the answer.

Frustration is not a nice thing. It's like anger without the outlet of any violence, so you're beating yourself up about something.

I reckon it should take me 2 days to get straight from this. It's quite debilitating and luckily for me I don't have to interact with anybody else during this time. Or maybe this is a bad thing as I have nothing taking my mind off it.

I went out last night and bought myself a whole heap of junk food to comfort eat. . . more sweets and chocolate than you can shake a stick at, pizza and my favourite pie ... and after that I got a big chinese with chips.



So now I can stay in for 3-4 days and not have any run ins with society.

I am sure security must think I am shop lifting as I have to go up/down the shop 3-4 times gradually getting what I want and finding it, while avoiding aisles where there are people! I get overwhelmed by the choice on the shelves - and the confusion of pack designs. It's hard to focus on what I want/what is there and make the right choice. Because every choice/option has to be considered. I can't just grab what I want, I have to find it then check every other pack/option in case there's a better one I could get instead. TOO MUCH CHOICE! Overload....

Had a restless night - head buzzing with upset and frustration.

Maybe a big piece of my missing jigsaw is there's nobody to hold me and tell me it's OK and it's not my fault. These times, after events, are very isolatory - and the basic thing about Aspergers is we are TRYING to communicate/make friends... we just crash and burn.

Snaggles

I don't know if it's any consolation or not PN, but you ARE communicating clearly here and people like you (well, I do anyway ).

I hope your meltdown passes quickly and you begin to feel calmer and less frustrated soon.

Did you have to mention chinese food though.....my diet starts today.....again.....:rotfl:

PasturesNew

Snaggles wrote: »

I don't know if it's any consolation or not PN, but you ARE communicating clearly here and people like you (well, I do anyway ).

awww thanks

Snaggles wrote: »

I hope your meltdown passes quickly and you begin to feel calmer and less frustrated soon.

So do I. But I've spent my life not knowing why I wasn't getting on properly in life and have only found out 3 months ago why .... so at least I am happier now that I know. Now I can identify the reasons, the triggers etc it is helping immensely

Snaggles wrote: »

Did you have to mention chinese food though.....my diet starts today.....again.....:rotfl:

It was minging to be honest. All I could taste was salt. Not sure if they had made a mistake or it was just because I've not had a chinese for months, but it was bad. And the chips were solid. So annoying as when you get a treat it's to cheer yourself up and therefore it is supposed to be perfect.

However, now I know I'm an Aspie at least I didn't get angry and upset at the Chinese being a disappointment. Because I knew that was a separate thing to the College problem.

Before I'd just tack the chinese onto the college issue and everything would be further and further "the world hates you" things. Now I can separate things out.

Snaggles

That's a lot of progress for quite a short time. I think the way you are dealing with things is admirable and I hope it will eventually bring you some peace of mind.

I have to admit, the more I find out about Aspergers Syndrome, the more I understand what has been holding me back too (I don't think I'm an Aspie, but I've definitely got traits).

I also realise that the job I have is completely unsuitable for the way my brain works, which is a bit of a scary realisation, but even just realising that will help me deal with it better (I hope ).

Anyway.....rambling.....but I hope today is a good day for you.

seven-day-weekend

Same here Snaggles, I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum, but I certainly do have Aspie traits.

One down-side (to me) of living here in rural Spain is that it is a bit anarchic and the people who should know the law either don't or appply it to suit themselves. This is another side of the laid-back, easy going attitude that we all love. But it enrages me beyond belief that I can't comply with the law because no-one knows what it is (I can't even chose to break it because no-one knows what it is!) and it does not fit neatly into my little box marked 'Rules'. Also I can't stand the way laws and rules are applied arbitrarily and made to fit the situation, or a particular person, - that does not fit into my box labelled 'fairness' and 'justice'.

None of the other expats have a clue why it is a problem to me, they think I am a bit strange and don't understand why am I grizzling about not being able to follow the rules!

Pastures New, hope you are feeling better.

Snaggles

That would drive me insane too!!

My job as an underwriter is to make decisions that fall outside of the normal 'rules'. I never understood until now exactly why I find it so stressful. In my head I try to create my own rules, which helps a bit, but then something will come up that doesn't fit with the rules I have created and arrrgghhhhh, stress.

Bit scary though to think that the career path I have chosen and worked towards for the last 10 years isn't right for me. But it could be worse......it could have been 20 years......:p