Aspergers/ASD support thread

lil_me

PasturesNew - Your descriptions and conversations online are great, using very good language skills you obviously have, so would it be possible for you to write the questions down or email them to your tutor?

As for learning to ask for assistance, practise is usually the best way, but even with practise some find it extremely difficult. Not a one size fits all, some find a tape recorder helps (playing it back to the person rather than speaking to them) some use written/typed prompts, some use written/typed messages, some choose to look away from the person they are asking the question.

There are fellow Aspies and ASC (or D whatever :rotfl: ) peeps on www.asd-forum.org.uk who might be able to help with developing your own strategies. There are many other forums online but having not used them myself, I wouldn't be willing to post the link. Oh there is some stuff on Wendy's site, a lady who I have met on several occasions and she is fab http://mugsy.org/wendy/

PasturesNew

I realised today the coping mechanism I need. I had sat by the window (far back corner of course!!). But the blinds were closed. So when I started to have my meltdown I had to leave the room because I have to have distance. I have to run to "my space".

However, there is a physical my space - and a mental my space.

Today's episode made me analyse things a bit at the time. I am aware I had been trying to peek through the blinds. They were vertical ones, I'd used a finger to try to part them and look outside.

I believe (and will work on this one), that the act of being able to mentally escape by looking out of the window is a coping strategy. Being able to switch off to what's going on in the room and just look outside, go into myself my focussing on something outside... this will work!

And having made the connection, I've realised that in my past I've always looked outside when I am inside. I do have a need to be by a window. To be able to see outside... so I can switch off and take myself outside mentally if not physically.

This has (without me knowing) enabled me to remain in a room at school and at work in the past. I just never knew/realised before I was doing it or why it was so important.

So it's something parents might like to try if possible. If you know your kid has to sit still or be somewhere for awhile, try to get them by the window so that can stare out. It's calming.

sasp

Hi Pastures New, Do you attend a college, if so has your tutor spoken to you about learning support? I am a tutor in a college, and I also happen to have a sibling who has aspergers so I completely understand your panic. Learning support are great in that they could provide you with a worker who could sit in class with you to try to encourage questions/answers that will help you with your study. I have also had a student in my class who has aspergers so it was vital for me to organise my lesson plan to accomodate her, but more importantly to work with the Learning Support worker to make sure my student had her needs met in class.
Well done for your studies, keep up the hard work, but make sure you are accessing all the help you can. Speak to your tutor again.

Regards sasp xx;)

PasturesNew

lil_me wrote: »

would it be possible for you to write the questions down or email them to your tutor?

No. The problem is a strange combination between not knowing what to ask and not knowing how to. So the written word isn't much better.

Trying to explain that ... imagine if you were dropped into Russia and wanted to be fed and there was an automated process where ingredients were being added into a bowl of soup and at the end of it somebody was handing out bowls of the soup to a long queue of people without saying a word.

You could see it all through a glass wall ... how would you ask them about the ingredients to check that none of them were something you have a severe allergy to. So you queue up and wait until you get as far as the person handing out the bowls. But when you get there you don't speak Russian and they don't speak English, so you are trying to ask and indicate, point and draw pictures. But they've no idea what you're asking, they're speaking to you in Russian and a whole raft of hungry people appear to be behind you and angry that you're holding things up ... in the end you'd just walk away, go round the corner and cry. That is the frustration of not communicating and not knowing how to.

And equally, you couldn't write it down in Russian for this person. You couldn't explain about your nut allergy or wheat intolerance because you don't know how to do that.

And all you wanted to do was ask a simple question about the food: "are there nuts in this?". But no language skills and no tools to be able to ask it

It's like that.

lil_me wrote: »

As for learning to ask for assistance, practise is usually the best way, but even with practise some find it extremely difficult. Not a one size fits all, some find a tape recorder helps (playing it back to the person rather than speaking to them) some use written/typed prompts, some use written/typed messages, some choose to look away from the person they are asking the question.

There are fellow Aspies and ASC (or D whatever :rotfl: ) peeps on www.asd-forum.org.uk who might be able to help with developing your own strategies. There are many other forums online but having not used them myself, I wouldn't be willing to post the link. Oh there is some on Wendy's site, a lady who I have met on several occasions and she is fab http://mugsy.org/wendy/

Practise ... I've spent my life trying to ask for things/help and not getting anywhere. How much practise does one person do? As I have no idea where I am going wrong, and nobody is ever with me, it's hard to see how I could change what I am doing. And as this is part of my behaviour, is it something I can change.

madhouse

PN-Well done for getting as far as you have. You should be really proud of yourself. It is really hard for people with your type of difficulties. My son used to talk of the teachers speaking in a foreign language when his stress levels got too high and he couldn't understand any of it. His only way to calm down to was to take time out. When our son has a bad day we try really hard to put it behind us and start again the next day. It is also really good to remember the things you have achieved and the difficulties you have overcome. I don't have any suggestions on how you can improve communication as I imagine you have tried most things. Just try to remember how well you are doing and try not to be so hard on yourself.

PasturesNew

Anyway, posting here is helping me at the moment to focus and bring myself together as a functioning adult again.

The outcome of my post-session chat with the Tutor is she's going to find out what assistance the Uni can give to somebody with my condition. She said it is possible that as an organisation they are failing to communicate with their online/distance learning offerings for people like me.

We discussed my Masters I am doing. And she's suggested, and I concur, that I'd like to do some research into the areas of difficulty with communication and bring my experiences into my personal development modules.

She thinks it might be helpful for me to take things forward so that they as an organisation can understand the needs that I have so they can alter their presentation of requirements at this level. So that people like me don't have to ask these sort of questions.

Sort of, to include some basic information of what's expected. To set down the rules for those people that are rules-based. To provide a framework in some way. I am now making things up as I am not managing to communicate what I mean here.

So that's a positive outcome.

PasturesNew

I think the enabler for me has been the realisation that I have problems communicating. Before I heard the word Aspergers, I just knew I never got answers; I just knew I was frustrated at never getting answers to any questions about anything. I never knew why. I was frustrated... and this has lead to me leaving things. Quitting. Quitting study, quitting jobs, quitting potential friendships... quitting many things. Just because I never knew before that I had a communications problem. I always thought I was a GOOD communicator.

I've spent my life blaming others. I always thought it was them that was wrong... it never occurred to me I wasn't wired right! How could that be, I knew I was well above average intelligence (IQ 163) so how could I be the problem. It must have just been them being thick

So at least now I can declare at a very early stage "I am sorry, I have a condition that means I don't communicate ... and right now that's kicking in". That stops their confusion/annoyance and should help with my frustration.

But once you have said "I can't communicate", knowing how to then move forward to establish what the question is ... is the next challenge.

PasturesNew

sasp wrote: »

Hi Pastures New, Do you attend a college, if so has your tutor spoken to you about learning support? I am a tutor in a college, and I also happen to have a sibling who has aspergers so I completely understand your panic. Learning support are great in that they could provide you with a worker who could sit in class with you to try to encourage questions/answers that will help you with your study. I have also had a student in my class who has aspergers so it was vital for me to organise my lesson plan to accomodate her, but more importantly to work with the Learning Support worker to make sure my student had her needs met in class.
Well done for your studies, keep up the hard work, but make sure you are accessing all the help you can. Speak to your tutor again.

Regards sasp xx;)

I have just started online/distance learning which has a 2-hour introductory session where they just introduce themselves and hand out the assignment question which is about writing a critical analysis of materials. In this particular course there isn't even any materials and no reading list. This part is about managing people (horror!) so without any book or materials to follow this module is about picking up on an area of managing people and running with a part that interests you. My question today actually was "So what's included in managing people?" as I've never done any reading/work in this subject.

There are no classes as such.

What I have to do now is take the assignment - and go off, find stuff about the subject and pursue one aspect of it.

I was finding people were "in the know". They'd already, perhaps, been on a course about managing people. And so one might say "I will be looking further into succession management" and I was sat there thinking "!!!!!!??? - so what IS a list of topics for Managing People so that I can at least know when I am inside topic and outside of it. This succession management - I have never HEARD of, so how will I know a list of topics within a subject when I have NO idea what could possibly be within the subject".

And there is no list of topics.

And it didn't compute with my brain. I was just trying to ask "So, this Managing People thing ... what's included in that? where's the list? I have no experience of this subject... so how can I randomly read things that would be on topic in order to pick something to write a critical analysis about"

Now, my question, I believe, is perfectly valid. And I still don't know the answer. And to me, it should be simple. The answer I was getting was "I don't want to constrain you by giving a topic list, because this is about you coming up with something and having free rein to write about an aspect of it that interests you". Yet I thought I was there to in some way learn about Managing People.

Not sure I've made myself clear there ... but as this was the question I was trying to ask earlier, that caused my meltdown, that's not surprising is it

penguin83

Hi everyone, how are we all doing?

It is now six weeks since we had A diagnosed and things seem to be moving well (fingers crossed!) We have a 12 week course that started last week called Parenting a Child with Autism, there is a lady from the LEA coming into nursery to observe him for the day in 2 weeks and then we have a 'multi disciplinary' meeting in March with the Paed, nursery, speech therapist and LEA to do his IEP as well as that we have speech therapy and physio appts coming up! phew - busy few weeks ahead. TBH its all moving so fast I havent really had time to digest everything yet. Learning all the time. x x

madhouse

PN-The question as I understand it was a perfectly reasonable one. I know that when I am setting work for my son it needs a purpose and a structure so that he know the path to follow and why he is doing it. This is the beauty of home education. His education is based specifically on his needs. Also if we hit a stumbling block one day, we often stop and come back with a clear brain the next day. However if the question hasn't been properly answered he can't move on. Well done again for your achievements. A lot of my son's learning is on-line without sensory stimulation and it works really well.