Grandparents want to take my son out of school for week next year

jbkmum

Thank you all for your replies, I've been packing to move so haven't had a chance to move. I'm going to wait til we have moved house this weekend then invite her and her husband round with my ex for a Sunday dinner. I'll tell them then that DS can go on holiday with them only during school holidays and then I will give them those dates. I'm also going to ask that she gives me enough notice and that if she wants to have him during holidays to let me know.

At the moment what happens is she moans that DS has gone to stay with my mum for 4 weeks during the school holidays yet doesn't offer to have him for any of that. So it looks like we need some polite ground rules across the board!

maman

jbkmum wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies, I've been packing to move so haven't had a chance to move. I'm going to wait til we have moved house this weekend then invite her and her husband round with my ex for a Sunday dinner. I'll tell them then that DS can go on holiday with them only during school holidays and then I will give them those dates. I'm also going to ask that she gives me enough notice and that if she wants to have him during holidays to let me know.

At the moment what happens is she moans that DS has gone to stay with my mum for 4 weeks during the school holidays yet doesn't offer to have him for any of that. So it looks like we need some polite ground rules across the board!

Thanks for getting back to us. That sounds like a good plan. I would suggest that you tell your son what's happening (i.e. that he isn't going on holiday in term time) before the Sunday lunch. It would be dreadful for any arguing to go on in front of him and I wouldn't put it past her (from what you've said) to try to use him to get at you. As you say, be polite and tell her that you'd love her to have him during some of the school holidays but you really need to know when to plan your childcare.

DrivingMissDaisy

To all the people moaning about missing school and how much the child will miss, etc, etc, that's just rubbish. The curriculum is dumbed down quite a bit as it is so no the child will not be left behind. It's only Y3 and only a week.

With you being the primary caregiver, it's your call. But if the fear is the child will be left, wouldn't worry about that

maman

DrivingMissDaisy wrote: »

To all the people moaning about missing school and how much the child will miss, etc, etc, that's just rubbish. The curriculum is dumbed down quite a bit as it is so no the child will not be left behind. It's only Y3 and only a week.

With you being the primary caregiver, it's your call. But if the fear is the child will be left, wouldn't worry about that

Good to know you value education then to say nothing of telling your child that rules don't matter and you don't care if all the other children are settled in with the new teacher.

Education hasn't been dumbed down. It's been squeezed and pressurised and starved of resources so that schools have become like exam factories. But it's the only system we have (unless you choose to home educate or can afford independent) and for you to suggest demonstrating to a child that it's worthless and unimportant is irresponsible IMO.

ibizafan_2

Irrespective of how much actual education the child would miss, I would never let a child miss the first weeks of school in September. I would have absolutely hated it happening to me as a child, but luckily my parents would never have entertained the idea.

silverwhistle

I'm not going to check but I have a horrible memory that DMD is actually a primary school teacher with some fairly odd views on micturition and related topics..

jbkmum

So DS starts new school tomorrow, he's been going to the holiday club at the school on and off for the last two weeks. This is a scary adventure for me, I'm not used to taking him to school as my ex did the school run. MIL has been quite reasonable, she's had DS the last couple of weekends although there was an issue where she demanded I drive an hour after work to go collect him from theirs on a Monday (she had him an extra day) which was tiring after a long day at work, cycling home, letting dogs out, going back out again etc.

There is now a further complication because I met someone the day after I moved towns, and I've been quietly seeing him on weekends when DS has gone to his grandparents. I've got to keep the two things separate for the next 6 months as a minimum so I have taken a lot on!

TBagpuss

Glad things are improving.
If she or your ex brings up a term-time holiday again then I would suggest that you simply say "I am not comfortable with his missing school and I don't belive that the school would be willing to consent"

I would suggest also that you aim to agre regualr contact wit hyour ex, which could include agreeing on how much time in the holidays he / his paretns will have - that wouldn't stop you agreeing extra times on an ad hoc basis, but a baeline is a sensible idea. You can also think about what kind of notice you ned for dates (taking into account your own plans and when you will ned to book things like holidya cluns, if relwvnt, and then agreethis with your ex. (e.g. agree that he has 1x2 + 1 x1 weks in the summer holidays, on the basis that he needs to let you know which weeks he wants no later than(say) the start of the Easter holidays, failing which you will let him know which weeks are available..

maman

I think it's important to keep that link with the grandparents but just draw a firm line when term time holidays are suggested. It's like most things about bringing up children :some you can comprise on, others are a definite no.

Fire_Fox

DrivingMissDaisy wrote: »

To all the people moaning about missing school and how much the child will miss, etc, etc, that's just rubbish. The curriculum is dumbed down quite a bit as it is so no the child will not be left behind. It's only Y3 and only a week.

With you being the primary caregiver, it's your call. But if the fear is the child will be left, wouldn't worry about that

Most of my family are qualified teachers - some retired - my favourite cousin is a deputy head. Not one of them of them agree with your poor attitude.

Plenty of young children struggle: too many silently, some misbehave to cover up. English may not be the first language, the child or their primary caretaker may have a learning disability ....