Grandparents want to take my son out of school for week next year

sheramber

Is our ex husband or partner?

Does your s have parental rights i.e. is he on the birth certificate?

Is there a legal separation giving custody to you?

onwards&upwards

You need to be assertive and let your ex MIL know in no uncertain terms that you and your ex are the only ones who make decisions about your son and that you will not be bullied by her. If you cave now she will be controlling you all for years to come.

Spendless

No local authority has to offer you a penalty notice. They can take you straight to court if they so wish. This has happened to some parents (a penalty notice is more common though, especially for a first offence). I suggest you read up on the law and that you have no statutory defence for taking a child out of school for a holiday and present these facts to ex MIL.

maman

Spendless wrote: »

No local authority has to offer you a penalty notice. They can take you straight to court if they so wish. This has happened to some parents (a penalty notice is more common though, especially for a first offence). I suggest you read up on the law and that you have no statutory defence for taking a child out of school for a holiday and present these facts to ex MIL.

While this is true, I wouldn't get into an argument with her. I'd just say that he wasn't going. The MIL isn't concerned about any fine or penalty notice, she's happy to pay any fine just so she can get her own way. It's a sadly common attitude In this case though, there's more to it in terms of control.

paddy's_mum

Sea_Shell wrote: »

your going to have a hard time convincing him that your not just "bad mummy" for not letting him go on this holiday

With a little bit of forward planning, the OP can [STRIKE]suggest or arrange[/STRIKE] be fairly sure that the school staff themselves will reinforce that so called "bad mummy" is as much bound by outside rules as he is. One way to pull Grandma's fangs...

I second the suggestion by another poster that Dad needs to man up and help stand up to his mother, if only for the emotional/mental peace of the child.

Good luck, OP. I think your heart at least is in the right place

jbkmum

pjcox2005 wrote: »

Just as a side note is there a typo on 20 miles? A lot of people, me included work considerably further away from home than that.

Not to say the move wasn't right, particularly with timings of drop off etc at school, more just pointing out I don't see it as an issue in Dad/Grandparents still regularly seeing their son/grandson unless they have mobility isssues or perhaps heavily rely on public transport. I therefore wouldn't bow to any pressure they exert making it an issue.

All my parents/in-laws are further away then that and have no issue calling in, babysitting etc.

So we lived in one town as a family of three, I got a job 25 miles away and the commute was fine as OH was home to pick up DS from school. We separated and I moved out because I couldn't drop DS off at school if we stayed in the first town as it takes 90 minutes to get to work and his childcare place doesn't open til 8. After a few questionable activities on my ex's side I said I would like for DS to come live with me in the new house in the town I am working in. So we agreed on that. ExOh's parents live 2 hours away on the east coast, I am moving to a city that is halfway between old town and ExOh'S parents.

I can't stand the woman, honestly she's made my life hell over the years. When I didn't know them properly, I thought her dog was about to bite my sons face so I batted him away and two days later I got abusive texts about how if I ever "slapped" her dog again....blah blah. Bearing in mind DS was about 1 and face height to the dog.

We just do not get on, her opinion of parenting and mine is entirely different. I don't believe in filling DS up with sugar and screen time, she sends him home having played on his tablet for 3 hours and eaten his weight in sugar (but its okay but thats what grandparents do)

She just has no respect for me and, honestly I don't want it. He loves them and I know they love him very much so I don't want to restrict access but one of the reasons me and the ex didn't work out is because he never stood up to her

Sea_Shell wrote: »

You say September but also refer to next year.

Do you mean next 'school' year, or Sept 2020?

Sorry he is starting a new school this september, they want to take him away september 2020

jbkmum

sheramber wrote: »

Is our ex husband or partner?

Does your s have parental rights i.e. is he on the birth certificate?

Is there a legal separation giving custody to you?

He is an adoptive father and is on the birth certificate

No legal separation - I am hoping to submit divorce papers next month (unreasonable behaviour)

Unlikely we will have a custody arrangement. We're amicable despite the unreasonable behaviour divorce!

BachSoon

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. He will miss a lot of curriculum content even in one week, as well as PPs have said, the beginning of the new school year.

I think you will need to be polite yet assertive on this, along the lines of "thank you for the offer, but DS can't join you on holiday for that week as it is during the school term. I don't agree to him missing a week of school. How about the October holiday?"

Also make sure that the school know that she is not to collect him.

I understand the battle. My MIL undermines me on things that seem too petty to bring up, but still irritates me.

maman

BachSoon wrote: »

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. He will miss a lot of curriculum content even in one week, as well as PPs have said, the beginning of the new school year.

I think you will need to be polite yet assertive on this, along the lines of "thank you for the offer, but DS can't join you on holiday for that week as it is during the school term. I don't agree to him missing a week of school. How about the October holiday?"

Also make sure that the school know that she is not to collect him.

I understand the battle. My MIL undermines me on things that seem too petty to bring up, but still irritates me.

That's a very important point.:)

If you're confident that you can make amicable arrangements for access then you really must set down some ground rules and this proposed holiday could be the first step. The screen time and sweets on visits I think you'll probably have to live with. Of course, it's wrong but it's best to choose your battles and if she doesn't see him that often he'll cope.

Fortunately the holiday is a long way off so she probably won't have booked yet. I'd tell her ASAP. Or ask your Ex to tell her and then follow it up with an email or text. If the Ex tells her then maybe he'll help you stand up to her. And tell your child ASAP. I don't know your financial circumstances but could you afford to take him somewhere next May Half Term or next summer holiday?

harrys_nan

Can I just say, that on the times I pick my grandchildren up from school there is a chance I could be asked for a password.
I have been in the past, but now the school know who I am.
The password was set up by my daughter, son in law and school.
My ex is not allowed to fetch them from school hence the password.