Deressed and feeling of little worth.

MrsM40

London,

I can totally relate to what you're going through. I'm in a similar situation myself.

I was made redundant in July after 6 years with the same organisation. They wouldn't even pay proper redundancy pay and I had to get lawyers etc involved and in the end still came out with next to nothing. Seems the law is geneally on the side of the employer and not the employee.

Bottom line is my field of work pretty much doesn't exist anymore and I am completely at a loss as to what to do. I have qualifications, degrees, experience and no real skills, I feel completely useless. I can't afford to pay for any further training, and I was given the same story that you were from those charming people at the job centre, that I'm not entitled to any retraining. I don't mean to offend any people who work for them, but I have never come across such an unhelpful group of people in my life. I was told last week that I now have to apply for jobs at the minimum wage snd hope that maybe a company will train me, what I'm supposed to be retrained at on the min wage, I do not know. They are of no help to me whatsoever. I would be in a far better position if I had no qualifications and no experience, maybe they could help me then. They also infomed me that I'll get nothing from them come Jan when JSA is up as OH works. We can't meet our outgoings on one wage.

I honestly feel sooo down and I know that I'm probably reacting 'normally' (whatever that is) to what's happening to me, but I just can't see a way out of this. I've made sure that I get up in the morning and try to have some kind of structure to my day but it's getting harder and harder and I'm finding myself spending a lot of time just sitting staring at the computer screen. I feel almost paralysed and unable to physically move. I cry all the time and am getting very short tempered. This is not me at all. I actually cried at the job centre last week. They didn't even bother to notice or if they did they didn't even comment on it. Doesn't help that I just turned 40!

Like you, I keep remembering not so long ago when I had a life, a great salary, and money was not a problem. Everyone I know is doing really well and I'm going nowhere. I'm at the stage where I'm now avoiding people.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and reading your post made me realise that I'm not alone. Talk to your GP, it really wont do any harm and it might do you good.

Good luck to you, I hope things improve for you! (and me!)

beccals

Hi,

First of all I hope things improve for you. I can't say that I have much knowledge of redundancy but I know how horrible it can be to be out of a job.

It sounds to me like you need a massive confidence boost. Have you thought about joining a local club or society? Or maybe just going to the gym or something a couple of times a week? You might think that it sounds lame but it really helped me with my confidence and also the more people you meet, the more work opportunities might present themselves to you.

This may also sound lame and simple but try doing something each day that makes you smile, whether it be watching a favourite programme or reading a great book. It does sound simple but it is usually these simple steps that lead to a happier person.

Best of luck and let us know how you get on.

Phirefly

beccals wrote: »

Have you thought about joining a local club or society? Or maybe just going to the gym or something a couple of times a week? You might think that it sounds lame but it really helped me with my confidence and also the more people you meet, the more work opportunities might present themselves to you.

It does sound like a cliche but its soooo true.

I'm doing a one night a week course at college and its been brilliant for networking. One girl has passed my CV on to her friend at a company I'd already wanted to work for, and I have offered another girl work experience at my company, and I've passed on the details of another girl to my friend who might have something for her. We're all spurring eachother on and have become good friends. Its been a real boost and the actual learning aspect has been just what I needed.

London exile, you sound grounded and intelligent. I have a good feeling that once the grey clouds lift (literally and metaphorically) and your back on home turf, things will be a whole lot brighter. Just sit tight and try and stay positive

London_Exile

MrsM40, thanks for the post. I hope it helps you knowing that you are not alone. Knowing that I'm not alone brings some respite from the the near suffocating despair! The Government keeps talking about making cuts int eh Civil Service, well it should start with those in the JC who simply aren't really employable.

All, I'm getting out and about - was doing some voluntary work today, which was actually good for the soul! So feeling a little better today. I'm going to the gym tomorrow, haven't been for a few weeks, so hoping to be able to kick on from here. Also looking forward to getting back "home" to London in the new year.

Terrylw1

Good stuff London. Exercise & interacting with people will lift your spirits and hopefully stop you spiralling into worse thoughts.

Good luck

London_Exile

Well, it made for a nice change. I think the biggest thing for me up here, is the isolation. I'm such a social person that I find it really difficult to cope without friends and familiar places.

Reading back to some earlier posts in this thread, I think it was silver-charming who said I should post my CV so others could see it. Am happy to do that - what the normal etiqutte for doing that?

jesdan

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. I went through a similar situation 11/2 years ago the only difference was was that the company i was working for went under but for the previous 3 years my employer had made me feel worthless which of course made it harder when i was applying for new positions.

After posting my cv on various sites, quite a few phone calls later, i finally got a part-time position outside of my industry. Although I was lost in this particular industry it made me feel as though I was employable again, continued to search for full time roles and with this (slightly) new found confidence secured a full time position within my industry. I'm now in the same position ith the threat of redundancy BUT i've learnt so much more about myself within this time - mainly it isn't what other people say or don't say about you (in my case) it is the way you feel about yourself - this part time job helped, what i've done in my current role has also helped but as silly as it may sound I did a competency test online (did have to pay for it but personally now feel well worrth it) and when i got the results i heard myself saying "yes, i can do that, yes, I am like that etc etc" which helps boost my confidence a bit more and again as sad as it sounds I do refer back to it when I feel a bit down.
Everyone has their strengths and its also a case of knowing what you want to do.
I really feel for you, I do know what its like, I still feel the same sometimes but as easy as it is to say I feel it is a matter of "mind over matter" EVERYONE needs someone to say "actually you are good at what you do" and I'm saying that to you now - go for what YOU want, believe in yourself!

London_Exile

Jes, thanks for that post! The biggest thing I have to overcome is the fact that before i was outsourced I was pretty much full of confidence, but the firm I was outsourced to just weren't interested. And started chipping away until there was nothing left. But the good thing is (I'm starting to get there) I know where I want to go. So I guess I'm moving in the right direction.

mummytofour

Sorry about how your feeling, life can be hard at times but your situation sounds very distressing for you.
What I would suggest is getting some voluntary work or some training, something so you dont feel like you are worthless BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT! Keeping busy really is the key. There really are so many things you could do out there to help build up your confidence, you are an important member of society, so please dont think other wise.

flossy_splodge

Please please don't think of voluntary work as just a 'time filler' I went into volunteer work feeling pretty damn useless, my marriage had broken down and I hadn't worked for years, but got quite caught up in the work such that some time later a paid position in that charity came up and I walked it! It was a short term contract for 14 months but it made such a difference.
Also consider ALL suggestions! My daughter suggested some work I could do at local colleges and Universities and I gave it a go. I now have some hours per week in a role I love working with a disabled student who really appreciates my help and I get paid! There's actually a lot more out there than you might imagine but its about thinking outside the box. You'll get there. Have faith.x:T