It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts!!!!

Cornish_mum

Dear SeaShell, I just wanted to thank you for your thread, I have found it incredibly helpful and insightful. I am an aspiring early retirement wannabe (interloper from MFW forum) and a long way from having sufficient nuts squirrelled but your thread has given me a lovely view into what my future life could look like; if I keep at it. Very helpful when I am finding it a challenging month to squirrel. With best wishes CM

Ibrahim5

I think the one thing I learned the most was that you could only be that frugal when you are totally in control of everything. When you have a child the trouble starts. You can't afford to have finances that are very tight because you don't know what your offspring will do or want next. That is the problem Cornish mum.

quirkydeptless

Sea_Shell said:

At the moment this thread (to me) now feels like a weather forecast when every day is just Sunny Intervals 18c.

When visiting MSE it was always nice to spend some time in the sunny intervals of this thread

Albermarle

Ibrahim5 said:

I think the one thing I learned the most was that you could only be that frugal when you are totally in control of everything. When you have a child the trouble starts. You can't afford to have finances that are very tight because you don't know what your offspring will do or want next. That is the problem Cornish mum.

Not just children, but ones partner may have a different attitude to money/spending as well.
I believe Sea Shell's DH was very much on the same page, when it came to budgeting, controlling spending etc.
I think though with most couples, one is the saver and one the spender. So if you are the saver ( which probably most of the posters on here are )then you have to accept you have only partial control, especially if you add offspring into the equation as well.

ex-pat_scot

Albermarle said:

Ibrahim5 said:

I think the one thing I learned the most was that you could only be that frugal when you are totally in control of everything. When you have a child the trouble starts. You can't afford to have finances that are very tight because you don't know what your offspring will do or want next. That is the problem Cornish mum.

Not just children, but ones partner may have a different attitude to money/spending as well.
I believe Sea Shell's DH was very much on the same page, when it came to budgeting, controlling spending etc.
I think though with most couples, one is the saver and one the spender. So if you are the saver ( which probably most of the posters on here are )then you have to accept you have only partial control, especially if you add offspring into the equation as well.

Exactly this!

I want / need much less than Mrs XPS (I think).
Apart from outrageously-expensive bicycles.

Offspring can cost the earth, if you let them. Which, in our case, we do. 
I am hoping that it will gradually pass, as they emerge into adulthood, but university costs, school fees, extra-curricular activities can swallow the largest of incomes.

zagfles

ex-pat_scot said:

Albermarle said:

Ibrahim5 said:

I think the one thing I learned the most was that you could only be that frugal when you are totally in control of everything. When you have a child the trouble starts. You can't afford to have finances that are very tight because you don't know what your offspring will do or want next. That is the problem Cornish mum.

Not just children, but ones partner may have a different attitude to money/spending as well.
I believe Sea Shell's DH was very much on the same page, when it came to budgeting, controlling spending etc.
I think though with most couples, one is the saver and one the spender. So if you are the saver ( which probably most of the posters on here are )then you have to accept you have only partial control, especially if you add offspring into the equation as well.

Exactly this!

I want / need much less than Mrs XPS (I think).
Apart from outrageously-expensive bicycles.

Offspring can cost the earth, if you let them. Which, in our case, we do. 
I am hoping that it will gradually pass, as they emerge into adulthood, but university costs, school fees, extra-curricular activities can swallow the largest of incomes.

I must be really lucky then as my wife and kids are "tighter" than me Kids never cost us much, they weren't fashion victims into the latest trends etc, biggest expenses were school trips, gaming platforms and games, and adventure sports. They both managed to save money from their uni loan & bursaries. My wife is nearly always the one who is more resistant to spending money than me.

TBH I'm surprised relationships work where couples aren't on the same page on finances, I guess some will have separate finances, but then how is joint spending done eg on house etc, and how is retirement planned, will the saver retire early while the spender works for another 10 years? 

Sea_Shell

I agree, being on the same page financially helps...a lot.

As does planning finances as a team IMHO.

Not "my money, your money" but I know some people think it works for them (until it doesn't 😉)

ex-pat_scot

zagfles said:

ex-pat_scot said:

Albermarle said:

Ibrahim5 said:

I think the one thing I learned the most was that you could only be that frugal when you are totally in control of everything. When you have a child the trouble starts. You can't afford to have finances that are very tight because you don't know what your offspring will do or want next. That is the problem Cornish mum.

Not just children, but ones partner may have a different attitude to money/spending as well.
I believe Sea Shell's DH was very much on the same page, when it came to budgeting, controlling spending etc.
I think though with most couples, one is the saver and one the spender. So if you are the saver ( which probably most of the posters on here are )then you have to accept you have only partial control, especially if you add offspring into the equation as well.

Exactly this!

I want / need much less than Mrs XPS (I think).
Apart from outrageously-expensive bicycles.

Offspring can cost the earth, if you let them. Which, in our case, we do. 
I am hoping that it will gradually pass, as they emerge into adulthood, but university costs, school fees, extra-curricular activities can swallow the largest of incomes.

I must be really lucky then as my wife and kids are "tighter" than me Kids never cost us much, they weren't fashion victims into the latest trends etc, biggest expenses were school trips, gaming platforms and games, and adventure sports. They both managed to save money from their uni loan & bursaries. My wife is nearly always the one who is more resistant to spending money than me.

TBH I'm surprised relationships work where couples aren't on the same page on finances, I guess some will have separate finances, but then how is joint spending done eg on house etc, and how is retirement planned, will the saver retire early while the spender works for another 10 years? 

it certainly makes things a bit challenging at times, when you have a different approach to finances.
It can be a cultural / family thing though.
I'm more of a saver, but have a very high risk tolerance. I worry that we have no savings and are exposed & reliant on my continuing income.
Mrs XPS is incredibly risk-averse (100% cash) but believes that money is there to be used, and it will always work out in the end if we have a financial challenge. "We'll find a way to pay for school fees" etc etc. Not interested at all in the detail, in spite of my gentle attempts to get her engagement with it over the years.
It's not ideal, but it's a compromise, like everything else.
Everything that comes in the house is "ours", with the exception of pension savings which have to be individual, but will be crystallised (eventually) into the joint finances.

Albermarle

TBH I'm surprised relationships work where couples aren't on the same page on finances, I guess some will have separate finances, but then how is joint spending done eg on house etc, and how is retirement planned, will the saver retire early while the spender works for another 10 years? 

I think it is a matter of degree. If one is carefully counting the pennies and planning for tomorrow and the other is racking up credit card debts by spending wildly, then the relationship is unlikely to survive.

If one is more money/saving orientated and the other is just less interested/ maybe keener on spending on the house, kids etc ( in other words not just fluff, although there is a bit of that as well) , then it can work OK , along with some open 'negotiations' . I am sure quite a lot of relationships work with their finances in this way.

In my own experience, we have moved very slowly over the years more towards each others ways, although getting better off as we got older, probably also helped me loosen the purse strings a bit more.

Our offspring have come out somewhere inbetween.

Pensions_matter_2

Im not sure Id cope with the stress if my partner was a real spender! Thankfully not, and we have never argued about money as both of similar mindset.