relocating for relationship - how to avoid arguments

JWPopps

Candyapple wrote: »

1. South London is massive. What part of it does he want to live in?

2. How much rent per month does he want to pay for his half max?

3. Does he realise he will have to pay bills on top of the rent?

4. What is his salary and what will your salary be?

1. Stockwell/Oval(ish)
2. £500
3. Yes, that's why he's worried I think - up until now he hasn't had to.
4. His = £25k Mine = £38k

JWPopps

oystercatcher wrote: »

If you would have been happy to pay extra for a larger property for visitors to stay in, then rent a studio and save that extra and use it to pay for a hotel or whatever when people want to come and visit.
It does seem to me that OH seems unwilling to move from his man cave, just how committed to this relationship is he ?

This is a really good point, I can't believe I didn't think of it myself to be honest!

I have every faith in his commitment to me, I think he's panicking a lot and doesn't want me to move to him to then be 'paying more' for the privilege, even though honestly I have zero problem with that...

JWPopps

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Hi,

as only one of you appears to be compromising, I think either
- you doormat and move in with him
- you argue and see what happens
- you do what suits you personally "for the short term" (so find yourself a nice room for now and keep bills separate) and leave it to him to find suitable joint accommodation. Much easier for him to do while he is down there already etc...

I'd go for the third, which is avoidant behaviour, but he's being avoidant too. See how the job works out, and take it from there.

Just checking - mum isn't giving up a nice safe council tenancy is she?

I do agree that at the moment it feels like all compromises are in one direction. I think that's why I wanted to dig my heels in about not getting a studio, but I appreciate that isn't necessarily helpful.

I honestly can't just be a doormat on this and move in, I don't think I'd be able to keep the job and then I'd be screwed.

Third option will have to happen if it gets closer to my move date and there's no movement on this, so we'll see.

Thank you, this is helpful.

oystercatcher

The other thing to think about is if you are used to living in a whole house how will you cope with two of you in a studio flat? I love my OH very much but I can imagine murder happening if we were stuck in a studio flat for too long , there's nowhere to 'go' for a change of scene or quiet moment or a snooze because you have a headache......

Soundgirlrocks

JWPopps wrote: »

We could look at areas further out from where he likes, but his problem is he wants to be able to keep walking to his job. I'm not fussed as regardless of where we're based I'll be on the tube for work, but he's dead against moving beyond his walking commute. I can see his point that the additional travel cost could well outweigh the savings in rent.

I work in Brixton and live 7 mile away - I cycle (up and over Crystal Palace Hill!), he doesn't have to be within walking distance of work which in London is a luxury, he could cycle in which gives many more options. There are government back ride to work schemes and lot of companies have showers facility's (not that you need them if you go at a gentle pace) London is becoming more cycle friendly. Wanting to live in zone 2 for the money you are looking at just isn't viable.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-61107642.html

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-72163165.html

onwards&upwards

JWPopps wrote: »

Already sorted - spoken to mortgage lender and mortgage adviser. Thank you though!

JWPopps wrote: »

Helpful plan. I think this may only sway him if we find a studio under the Zero Deposit scheme as he (probably fairly) doesn't believe tenants realistically get their deposits back, so short term renting can become very expensive. A 12 month contract might work for him (and me, in the long run)!

Tenants deposits are held by independent schemes now, landlords have to prove a loss in order to keep them. It’s very fair.

I can’t really believe that someone renting in a London doesn’t know this.

Poor_Single_lady

His requirement to walk to work could potentially cost you hundreds of pounds every month. Oval/Stockwell/Kennington is for the wealthy not the normal.
I hope you can work it out but it sounds like he is expecting a lot from you.

Poor_Single_lady

Not everyone rents under the tenant scheme. Particularly in London. In an ideal world yes, but the renting in London is crazy.

onwards&upwards

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Not everyone rents under the tenant scheme. Particularly in London. In an ideal world yes, but the renting in London is crazy.

It’s a legal requirement, if a landlord doesn’t protect your deposit you can sue them and be awarded 1-3 x the amount.

onwards&upwards

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

His requirement to walk to work could potentially cost you hundreds of pounds every month. Oval/Stockwell/Kennington is for the wealthy not the normal.
I hope you can work it out but it sounds like he is expecting a lot from you.

Makes me wonder if he’s putting roadblocks in the way because he doesn’t really want to do it.