Advice for my elderly dad

TELLIT01

bspm1 wrote: »

Not a stalker at all, it's called reading other threads posted by yourself to get a gist of why you find yourself in this ridiculous and awful position now.

I agree it's an awful position, but what is your basis for saying it's ridiculous? The father won't spend money on house repairs and the daughters don't have the money to do it for him. Because he has the money there is unlikely to be any assistance from the local authority.
What would your solution be?

bspm1

TELLIT01 wrote: »

I agree it's an awful position, but what is your basis for saying it's ridiculous? The father won't spend money on house repairs and the daughters don't have the money to do it for him. Because he has the money there is unlikely to be any assistance from the local authority.
What would your solution be?

Maybe, unlike your good self I am finding it ridiculous that it has got to this stage, wouldn't like to bring up any other of the OPs previous posts, wouldn't want to be accused of being a stalker again.

Sea_Shell

Sometimes, we just can't solve all our parents issues!!

If they want to live a certain way, do their own thing, sometimes you have to just let them get on with it!!!

Your own wellbeing is important too!!!

TELLIT01

bspm1 wrote: »

Maybe, unlike your good self I am finding it ridiculous that it has got to this stage, wouldn't like to bring up any other of the OPs previous posts, wouldn't want to be accused of being a stalker again.

I'll repeat my question, which you have not addressed -What would your solution be?

cannugec5

I am wondering if your father does not actually want to return home alone. Is it possible that he is delaying making a decision about a plumber etc simply because he would rather not be alone again?

bspm1

TELLIT01 wrote: »

I'll repeat my question, which you have not addressed -What would your solution be?

Repeat as much as you want, i do not have the time presently to list my solutions, only dipping in in between nursing a four year old and a two year old with chicken pox whose mother is in hospital so gimme a few days and i will come up with something.

Skibunny40

I fully sympathise with you, OP. My dad was very similar ( still is, really) until we doled out some tough love...in your situation the tough love needs to be taking your dad back to his house and letting him get on with living there, until something goes wrong & he needs your help... It's incredibly hard but from our experience, it's the only way of getting them to see that they have to accept help and actually spend some money to get that help.

Social services will be able to help with certain things like grab rails, community alarms etc and I second the poster who mentioned Care & Repair for house maintenance. The thing that worked for us in terms of Dad spending money was the telling of white lies - "yes, xxx costs £xxx Dad, but that's with a discount of xxx (huge & completely imaginary discount!) because you're older" If he thought he was getting a bargain, he was prepared to spend the money. Also, as far as Dad's aware, Attendance Allowance can ONLY be spent on goods/services that improve his quality of life and we have to keep receipts to show this - again, white lies but as they're for his own good I'm past the stage of feeling guilt...plus, this is in reality what the payments are made for, it's unfortunate that the system just puts a lump sum of cash in his bank account each money with no conditions.

I would also agree with posters who mentioned getting POA. Best of luck & don't ever feel guilty - you're trying your best.

sistafromanothermista

bspm1 wrote: »

Repeat as much as you want, i do not have the time presently to list my solutions, only dipping in in between nursing a four year old and a two year old with chicken pox whose mother is in hospital so gimme a few days and i will come up with something.

You don’t have time to list your solutions....... yet you have time to berate and belittle people. Hmmmmmmm
Only come back if you have something useful to add to this thread.

xylophone

Is your father now telling you that he wants to return home?

Skibunny40

Just re-reading this thread and noticed something when you were talking about POA. You said that even though your parents separated 20 years ago, your dad wouldn't agree to any one else taking over POA while she was still alive...does that mean that your dad actually has a POA naming your Mum? Or, is he confusing POA with Next of Kin?