Advice for my elderly dad

LadyDee

TELLIT01 wrote: »

The OP has already explained her father's reasons for not wanting to spend the money, even if the reasons don't make sense to the rest of us. She is clearly trying to get things sorted so a bit of compassion for the situation she finds herself in wouldn't go amiss. She can't force him to have the work done if she doesn't have POA.

The OP was asking for ways to claim benefits to get these matters sorted, perhaps there would have been a little more compassion is they had asked how they could persuade dad to spend some of his 26K for his own comfort.

bspm1

TELLIT01 wrote: »

The OP has already explained her father's reasons for not wanting to spend the money, even if the reasons don't make sense to the rest of us. She is clearly trying to get things sorted so a bit of compassion for the situation she finds herself in wouldn't go amiss. She can't force him to have the work done if she doesn't have POA.

In 2014 the OP posted that her dad (then 76) had no working boiler, 5k in the bank and only an immersion heater and a small electric fire, the OP was asking abut possible boiler schemes, four years ago.....he now has 26k in savings, still no boiler, no central heating and to top it off needs a walk in shower and a toilet that works.

You may think I am cynical, but four years down the line her father seems in an awful bigger mess than he was, no amount of distance from parents should allow a situation to become that bad. No circumstances whatsoever.

sistafromanothermista

bspm1 wrote: »

In 2014 the OP posted that her dad (then 76) had no working boiler, 5k in the bank and only an immersion heater and a small electric fire, the OP was asking abut possible boiler schemes, four years ago.....he now has 26k in savings, still no boiler, no central heating and to top it off needs a walk in shower and a toilet that works.

You may think I am cynical, but four years down the line her father seems in an awful bigger mess than he was, no amount of distance from parents should allow a situation to become that bad. No circumstances whatsoever.

Wow seems I have a stalker.
That’s correct he only has an immersion heater no central heating or boiler.
You may be cynical but also correct. He is in a bigger mess now than he was.
Thank you for your views and judgement that ‘no amount of distance from parents should allow a situation to become that bad’ but you really don’t have a full comprehension of my life or the lives of my family.
To the person who kindly used BOLD to ask if we really cannot find a plumber. The answer is no we can’t! We had one guy say he could do the job to which my father then said to us and him ‘I think it’s something to think about’ in dad speak that is thank you but I’m not going to bother.

Very frustrating for all of us as most of you can imagine as we cannot forced him to spend his money no matter how much we would like to.
What do we do? Steal his bank card and arrange it and spend it anyway? No. I think everyone will agree that is not going to happen.

I am not trying to get something for nothing but if he was entitled to some sort of grant it would mean I could sort it out myself! No one had POA. He is still legally married to my mum who moved out 20 years ago. That’s a different story that I won’t go into.

Anyway thank you to the members here who can see it from my point of view and shame on the ones who think this is an easy situation and are implying we are not trying to do our best for him.

Robin9

Have you and your sister got the financial resources to step in and sort the house out so your dad can move back home ?

It may be that he finds the improvements are to his liking and reimburse you.

sistafromanothermista

Robin9 wrote: »

My MIL had the opposite approach to your Dad. Every £500 spent on her home was a week less in a Care Home ! So it was stairlifts, electric beds, bathroom refit .................

But that all came from her ...... anything that the family said would be disregarded.

Time to get that POA completed.

I really wish he was like this!! The most important thing for us is knowing he’s safe and clean but it is so difficult. He gets very uptight when you even try to broach the subject as he doesn’t think things are that bad!! Believe me they are in my opinion. My parents separated 20 years ago so he won’t let anyone take over as POA when she mum is still alive.

sistafromanothermista

Robin9 wrote: »

Have you and your sister got the financial resources to step in and sort the house out so your dad can move back home ?

It may be that he finds the improvements are to his liking and reimburse you.

Hi Robin, unfortunately not. We had enough between us to buy him a mobility scooter as he needed one but wouldn’t buy one! I wish I had the money to but I don’t. So frustrating as he has the money just won’t spend it!

WhenIam64

Which county are you in. There is usually an Adult Social Care department who can muster someone to assess the issues and identify which elements the County can sort (free/at a cost) and which the state will support.

Your description of your dad's independence is quite common and it can be frustrating that there is a conflict between independence, their needs, and money. You might also want to have a chat with Age (UK) who will have come across numerous cases like yours.

You might also want to see if a benefits specialist at your local benefits charity/CAB can do a Energy check. There are obligations on Energy companies to subsidise new boilers/heating/insulation which he may be able to tap into as I have.

The help is out there. You just have to find it.

Sea_Shell

I can sympathise 100%. Some people are just too stubborn to be reasoned with. You can't just march in and take over their life, home, money if they are of sound mind and DO NOT WANT help or want to spend any money.

sistafromanothermista

WhenIam64 wrote: »

Which county are you in. There is usually an Adult Social Care department who can muster someone to assess the issues and identify which elements the County can sort (free/at a cost) and which the state will support.

Your description of your dad's independence is quite common and it can be frustrating that there is a conflict between independence, their needs, and money. You might also want to have a chat with Age (UK) who will have come across numerous cases like yours.

You might also want to see if a benefits specialist at your local benefits charity/CAB can do a Energy check. There are obligations on Energy companies to subsidise new boilers/heating/insulation which he may be able to tap into as I have.

The help is out there. You just have to find it.

Hi i’ll certainly look into your suggestions thank you. We are in England. The new boiler thing sounds interesting.

sistafromanothermista

Sea_Shell wrote: »

I can sympathise 100%. Some people are just too stubborn to be reasoned with. You can't just march in and take over their life, home, money if they are of sound mind and DO NOT WANT help or want to spend any money.

Tell me about it !
Very frustrating when we can see he’s struggling but has the means to pay. It obviously comes across when I post that I’m looking for something for nothing but I’m really not! Just trying to see if there’s anything I can do independently of his money that’s all.