Daughter opened account in Hubby's name

onwards&upwards

Exodi wrote: »

Step 10: Daughter goes crazy and burns down a school of helpless orphans

I think of all the times I've seen you post johnsmith1890, I don't think I've ever once agreed with you. You always seem to take the exact opposite view of the consensus of every thread I've seen.

The OP stated her husband was in tears because of the financial effects - this isn't a 'side-issue' as you deem it; it's the entire issue. Reporting it for the fraud that it is would allow the OP and her husband to enjoy the pension they've spent their lives earning.

Why you think the OP would need to financially assist her daughter, or see her homeless on a downward spiral for unsecured debts absolutely blows my mind? In fact, I think you should inform the tens of thousands of people on the DFW forums that not making payments to credit cards = homeless.

If the OP puts her daughters happiness above her own, then so be it, but everyone (except you) is presenting the OP with her two options.

The OP and her husband clearly still love their daughter and they are the ones who know her and see how her mental illness affects her, none of us do.

It’s not helpful to the OP to deny that there will be serious consequences for the daughter and grandchild if she is charged/convicted or to insist that those consequences shouldn’t be any concern to the OP.

[Deleted User]

Sounds like you’re being exploited by your daughter.

parking_question_chap

johnsmith1890 wrote: »

Ridiculous suggestion. Do nothing of the sort. Sort it out within the family.

Its highly likely the family will already have had words with the daughter before about her behavour.

Sometimes you need to get a bit more formal to scare them into keeping in line.

Ben8282

Keeping their credit cards out of her reach would be a good idea as well!

Thrugelmir

SamWin wrote: »

I guess we didn't and don't want our daughter to be prosecuted but it all seems so awful and sad and Paypal were unhelpful to the extreme.

Are you expecting Paypal to foot the bill? Consequence of such a policy would be fraud on a massive scale. As there's no ability to prove that there wasn't collusion.

Les79

johnsmith1890 wrote: »

Quite laughable. I don't know where to start with your ill-informed views. Where TF did I say not making credit card payment = homeless??? My scenario - and it is only a scenario because we don't have the complete story - is where a hard-faced 'bang-em-up for fraud' attitude could well lead to homelessness in the future. The suggestion, made by several posters, that bringing in 'the law' might teach her a lesson is vacuous. I've come across people with a gambling problem and associated mental health issues. The most counterproductive thing you can do is to hit them with police action. As I said, it's primarily a health and well-being issue.

I agree with you for the most part...


I think that a hard-faced 'bang-em-up for fraud' attitude could well lead to homelessness/suicide in the future for daughter, mainly by making someone who likely feels worthless feel even more so. It could also be a natural (and sometimes a longer term) progression from the gambling itself to be fair.


I really don't think that bringing in "the law", as you say, would teach the daughter a lesson AT ALL. It most certainly is a health and wellbeing issue primarily, else it would not have occurred.


But, that being said, who knows what will happen. Very quickly giving some of my experience, but I attend GA meetings fairly regularly (tonight, ironically) after my gambling spiralled out of control a few years ago. I never stole silly money from people, but I probably would have a bit further down the rabbit hole (and people with compounding mental health issues attend GA as well as NHS help; they struggle much more than me).


One does have to give some sympathy to the daughter in one respect, because life will probably be tough for her right now! And increasing the toughness factor by chucking in "the law", as you say, could possibly set things in motion which don't pan out the way you'd like. I'll be honest, I've never been in trouble with the law but I've been in situations where I potentially could have been in trouble all because of gambling, and being turfed out by my neck from a Casino (for a petty reason) isn't a highlight of my life. But, in truth, none of that stopped me. Even a jail sentence and a crap credit rating wouldn't stop me from falling into the same pattern when out and earning money.


Its sort of tricky because the DAUGHTER has to hit that "rock bottom" usually to go to somewhere like GA, but maybe there is scope for intervention as well? The family need to look into those possible options and really push for them. One thing is for sure, in my case my family were (and still are) ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL in supporting me through all of this.


But, on the flip side, the very real reality is that OP and husband are massively out of pocket because of this issue. And it doesn't sound like the daughter has the means/capacity to pay the bill back in any shape or form... There's also the possibility that the daughter has no desire or intention of addressing her problems. I can really sympathise with OP here like and I appreciate how hard it must be. So I don't begrudge OP if they do choose to report this all as fraud in the manner described by other posters.


I think the only other thing I'd suggest is maybe looking into "Gam-anon" as this is the *family member* version of GA, where you can discuss with others the impact that the gambling has on YOU.


But reading your post, I am appreciative of addressing my own problems at the stage I did. Gambling is a very scary addiction I tell ya, so many dark moments.

Kentish_Dave

johnsmith1890 wrote: »

This from someone who can't even work out that 'John' is a man. You are pontificating on a subject you know nothing about. Some advice - stick to simple things and steer clear of complex social issues such as that described in the current thread.

people can pick any user name they wish, and no-one checks that it suggests the right gender.

I don’t know what pleasure you are getting by trolling like this but I honestly hope that you find a way to get your kicks in a less destructive way in the future.

xlnc99

Clearly not an easy decision to make. Would you really want your daughter to have criminal record for the rest of her life? By reporting her, will that clear you debt? I dont think that is the case. I believe you still would be liable to clear the debt yourself.

Tricky one, no right answer here.

HampshireH

OP. This is in no way aimed to upset you.

Your posts say your daughter has mental health problems but so do a lot of people who function completely legally. As could you or your husband at any time. The stress of this could also lead to a bout of MH concern.

You also say you have a 2 year old grand daughter which you are concerned about. Also legimitate. Who wouldnt be.

However flip that thought.

Your daughter gave very little care or regard for you, your husband or her daughter when she was plunging you into debt.

She is showing her child (albeit only 2) that lying , stealing and committing fraud is acceptable.

She is showing you a conplete lack of respect.

In turn she gets off lightly.

You don't elaborate on the course of action you have taken with your daughter up to now.but it sounds like she has had little consequencea for her behaviour and excuses made for her to a certain extent.

She is adult enough to raise a child and also steal your hard earnt cash. She is adult enough to take responsibility, Get a job and pay you back.

Exodi

xlnc99 wrote: »

Clearly not an easy decision to make. Would you really want your daughter to have criminal record for the rest of her life? - this sentiment is misleading; CIFAS markers expire and convictions become spent after certain periods. Unless she's applying to work in finance or a high security industry, this will likely have no effect on her in ~6 years.

By reporting her, will that clear you debt? I dont think that is the case. I believe you still would be liable to clear the debt yourself. - Don't be so daft. You genuinely think I can just use a random persons details to buy myself a new car and they HAVE to pay it? Even if they report me for fraud and it's evidenced that I spent the money? This is likely the daftest thing I've read this year.

Tricky one, no right answer here.

Are just raising post count or do you genuinely believe the waffle you type?