Daughter opened account in Hubby's name

MEM62

SamWin wrote: »

If we report this to the police will they prosecute or arrest our daughter. We have a two year old grandaughter and she needs her mum - I hate to sound pathetic but it is really, really hard and I don't know where to turn to be honest.

What happens after the matter is reported is not your responsibility and if you emotionally accept that responsibility and allow it to prevent you from reporting it you will not be doing either you or your daughter any favours. It is highly unlikely that she will get a custodial sentence unless she is a repeat offender. The realisation of the consequences of her actions may discourage her from the path that she has taken. However, if she chooses the pursue that life regardless then the consequences will get progressively more serious but you have no control over that. You daughter will tread whatever path she chooses. The best thing you can do for her is report it and force her to deal with it.

Ben8282

SamWin wrote: »

My daughter suffers from mental illness and anxiety which has led to a lot of problems in regards to money. She not only got access to most of my husbands credit cards and gambled on them up to the limit but she opened a paypal credit account in his name and spent up to the limit. She promised to pay them back but didn't and now we have to take on the debt.

We contacted paypal who told us that because it was family it would not be counted as fraud and nothing could be done. Is this the case? Hubby rang me in tears today as he is at the end of his tether. He is hoping to retire in December and already is using most of his lump sum to pay off the credit card debts.

I guess we didn't and don't want our daughter to be prosecuted but it all seems so awful and sad and Paypal were unhelpful to the extreme.

Apart from the Paypal account, the debt has been incurred using the OP's husbands credit cards which the daughter used for gambling transactions up to the limits. Problem is, what was the cardholder doing when all this happened. The debt is apparently so great that it will take almost all of his retirement lump sum to clear it. Did he not notice the appearance of all these gambling transactions on his credit cards? As winnings are normally repaid to the credit card used, how did the daughter expect to get the money if she had won? In whose name were the online gambling accounts opened? As presumably the cards hand never been previously used for gambling transactions, did not this sudden massive gambling spend ring any alarm bells with the card issuers at the time? After all, we seem to be talking about a massive amount presumably over a very short space of time on every single one of the husbands credit cards that went unnoticed. by him.

[Deleted User]

OP, you've probably come to the wrong forum for what is essentially a health and wellbeing issue - with knock-on financial effects. On this forum you'll tend to get blinkered, black-and white views simply addressing the money aspects of the problem: 'fraud is fraud' and other similarly unhelpful comments. We don't have the full story pertaining to your daughter and her mental health issues, but one thing is for sure; report this to the police, or Action Fraud, and you may well make a difficult problem even worse. Consider post #6. If you do take the type of action being suggested you may well want to add the following to the list:


Step 5: Accompany your daughter to the police station if/when she's arrested.


Step 6: (Maybe) visit her in custody.


Step 7: Continue to financially assist your daughter as the creditors chase her, rather than you.


Step 8: Explain to lenders - in detail - why you have fraud markers against your name.


Step 9: (Maybe) see your daughter homeless, on the street, and on a downward spiral.


You should get specialist help on this one, and such help does not come from the likes of the police or Action Fraud.

Exodi

johnsmith1890 wrote: »

OP, you've probably come to the wrong forum for what is essentially a health and wellbeing issue - with knock-on financial effects. On this forum you'll tend to get blinkered, black-and white views simply addressing the money aspects of the problem: 'fraud is fraud' and other similarly unhelpful comments. We don't have the full story pertaining to your daughter and her mental health issues, but one thing is for sure; report this to the police, or Action Fraud, and you may well make a difficult problem even worse. Consider post #6. If you do take the type of action being suggested you may well want to add the following to the list:


Step 5: Accompany your daughter to the police station if/when she's arrested.


Step 6: (Maybe) visit her in custody.


Step 7: Continue to financially assist your daughter as the creditors chase her, rather than you.


Step 8: Explain to lenders - in detail - why you have fraud markers against your name.


Step 9: (Maybe) see your daughter homeless, on the street, and on a downward spiral.


You should get specialist help on this one, and such help does not come from the likes of the police or Action Fraud.

Step 10: Daughter goes crazy and burns down a school of helpless orphans

I think of all the times I've seen you post johnsmith1890, I don't think I've ever once agreed with you. You always seem to take the exact opposite view of the consensus of every thread I've seen.

The OP stated her husband was in tears because of the financial effects - this isn't a 'side-issue' as you deem it; it's the entire issue. Reporting it for the fraud that it is would allow the OP and her husband to enjoy the pension they've spent their lives earning.

Why you think the OP would need to financially assist her daughter, or see her homeless on a downward spiral for unsecured debts absolutely blows my mind? In fact, I think you should inform the tens of thousands of people on the DFW forums that not making payments to credit cards = homeless.

If the OP puts her daughters happiness above her own, then so be it, but everyone (except you) is presenting the OP with her two options.

Kentish_Dave

SamWin wrote: »

If we report this to the police will they prosecute or arrest our daughter. We have a two year old grandaughter and she needs her mum - I hate to sound pathetic but it is really, really hard and I don't know where to turn to be honest.

As I see it you have two choices.

You can try to work it out within the family and accept that one of you is left paying the debt back, or you can report the fraud to the police.

If you are searching for a plan that gets the debt written off without involving the police then I suspect that you are out of luck.

Kentish_Dave

Oh, and OP, I’m pretty certain that JohnSmith is actually delighting in giving the worst advice that he can, enjoying knowing the harm that he is causing.

I hope he’s of school age and so likely to grow out of the abhorrent behaviour, but whether he or she is, please do not take their advice.

[Deleted User]

Kentish_Dave wrote: »

Oh, and OP, I’m pretty certain that JohnSmith is actually delighting in giving the worst advice that he can, enjoying knowing the harm that he is causing.

I hope he’s of school age and so likely to grow out of the abhorrent behaviour, but whether he or she is, please do not take their advice.

This from someone who can't even work out that 'John' is a man. You are pontificating on a subject you know nothing about. Some advice - stick to simple things and steer clear of complex social issues such as that described in the current thread.

Breadcake

johnsmith1890 wrote: »

This from someone who can't even work out that 'John' is a man. ...

Trusting that logic must mean 1890 was your year of birth.

Best regards,
Sir Bread Cake

[Deleted User]

Breadcake wrote: »

Trusting that logic must mean 1890 was your year of birth.

Best regards,
Sir Bread Cake

No, you're obviously thinking of some of the other posters with their Victorian attitudes to this type of thing. For me, it's my height in mm.

elsien

johnsmith1890 wrote: »

Quite laughable. I don't know where to start with your ill-informed views. Where TF did I say not making credit card payment = homeless??? My scenario - and it is only a scenario because we don't have the complete story - is where a hard-faced 'bang-em-up for fraud' attitude could well lead to homelessness in the future. The suggestion, made by several posters, that bringing in 'the law' might teach her a lesson is vacuous. I've come across people with a gambling problem and associated mental health issues. The most counterproductive thing you can do is to hit them with police action. As I said, it's primarily a health and well-being issue.

Bringing in the law is not about teaching her a lesson. It's about making sure her parents don't continue to be liable for the debts run up in her name and don't end up penniless themselves in retirement.

Gambling is an addiction, but it's not solved by enabling the person themselves to carry on doing more of the same. Going to the police does not automatically mean prosecution and there are other mechanisms to support someone who is unwell which don't involve letting them carry on with their self-destructive behaviour. If the daughter was stealing to support a drug addiction acquired while self medicating for MH issues would you advise the OP to carry on funding that as well?
It isn't just about her well-being, it's about theirs as well.


OP, what help is your daughter getting from mental health services?