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Having children but sure if you really want to.

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • NaughtiusMaximusNaughtiusMaximus Forumite
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    Retireby40 wrote: »
    As I said before I would be more for having children than to not have them.

    What's you're partner's opinion on having children, similar to you, more for or more against?
  • Retireby40Retireby40 Forumite
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    You make some good points meer53.

    I got the idea from seeing friends with 2 or 3 young children and seeing how a "normal Saturday afternoon" is of taking each other's toys, crying for attention and generally being little terrors wanting to touch play and eat everything lol. They are all under 5 so no doubt it is an extreme.

    Maybe as your children had a big age gap meant you weren't dealing with 2-3 of a similar age crying over who took who's toy or demanding the parents attention 24/7. You had a child at 13, who was at a completely different stage of development than your new born and who could probably actually help you out abit just to keep an eye when you needed the loo or were cooking.
  • Retireby40Retireby40 Forumite
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    NautiessMaximus if I had to say a percentage my partner would be 100% for kids. 2 in an ideal world. I would say I would be 90% for kids with 10% niggling thinking are you sure that's a good idea.

    If we are still together in 3-4 years then that will be a time when we would be deciding. I just wanted other people's opinions.
  • SystemSystem
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    Hmmm let me think:


    My life without kids -



    - Both have very good careers and both earn way above average national salary

    - Two year old 4x4 and open top sports car in garage
    - Two foreign holidays a year, plus two camping trips and lots of weekends away
    - Don't answer to anyone and do as I bloody well please
    - Friday and Saturday night is dinner at restaurant / gigs / pub


    Kids...ha...I'd rather have the above
  • meer53meer53 Forumite
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    Retireby40 wrote: »
    You make some good points meer53.

    I got the idea from seeing friends with 2 or 3 young children and seeing how a "normal Saturday afternoon" is of taking each other's toys, crying for attention and generally being little terrors wanting to touch play and eat everything lol. They are all under 5 so no doubt it is an extreme.

    Maybe as your children had a big age gap meant you weren't dealing with 2-3 of a similar age crying over who took who's toy or demanding the parents attention 24/7. You had a child at 13, who was at a completely different stage of development than your new born and who could probably actually help you out abit just to keep an eye when you needed the loo or were cooking.

    You don't have to have your children close together, my sister in law had 3 under 6 and her house was never full of fighting or shouting kids all the time !
    I was on my own from when my youngest was only 2 as my ex left us, i also worked full time but i never felt that my kids took anything away from me, i organised my life so that everyone got the time they needed, it's not difficult. My parents both died before my kids came along and my family all live over 50 miles away from me, my mother in law lived close by but she had Dementia so it was never easy. It's something you just deal with once you have a family, it becomes your life, yes it's different from how it was before but thats just how it is. you either accept it or resent your kids. And i could never do that, it was my choice to have them, not theirs.
  • meer53meer53 Forumite
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    Hmmm let me think:


    My life without kids -



    - Both have very good careers and both earn way above average national salary

    - Two year old 4x4 and open top sports car in garage
    - Two foreign holidays a year, plus two camping trips and lots of weekends away
    - Don't answer to anyone and do as I bloody well please
    - Friday and Saturday night is dinner at restaurant / gigs / pub


    Kids...ha...I'd rather have the above

    I'm sure you're very happy. I also know people who have all that (and more) and have children too. Having children doesn't mean you have to give up these things, why do you think it does ?
  • Me and DH discussed at length whether to have children or not. We decided not to. Quite a few reasons but the main ones were overpopulation of the planet, we didn't feel the world was a very nice place to bring children into and would likely only get worse and we wanted to stay happily married.

    40 years on and no regrets at all. In fact we are always saying to each other how glad we are that we didn't bring children into the world. Every time we read an awful story, every time we read about another species becoming extinct, every time we read about climate change and the expected food/water/energy shortages in the not too distant future.

    Lots of our friends do have children, quite a few have grandchildren. I am saddened by how many say if they could go back in time they would not have any. Most of the ones with children are divorced (some more than once) and most of them say the problems started when they had children.

    I also see that children don't necessarily cause less stress or worry as they get older. I have friends with children in their 30's and 40's who are still giving lots of grief and worry. Now they have grandchildren who are also causing worry.

    Although I don't regret not having any, I would far rather regret not having them than regret having them. You can't send them back can you although I would think many would like to.

    I would just add that, as I said above, most of my friends with children are divorced. None of my friends without children are.
  • SystemSystem
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    [QUOTE=meer53;75813953_Having_children_doesn't_mean_you_have_to_give_up_these_things,_why_do_you_think_it_does_?[/QUOTE]


    Where did I say that I think it does? :think:
  • onwards&upwardsonwards&upwards Forumite
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    pollypenny wrote: »
    Don't you love your children? :(

    I can assure you that time flies and they'll be gone before you know it.


    There are sadly plenty of parents out there who don’t love their children.
  • rach_krach_k Forumite
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    EmmyLou30 wrote: »
    I bet there's an awful lot of people who regret having them who you'll never hear about because no-one will ever admit it.

    I think it's more likely that there are many parents who, given the chance to choose again, would still have their kids if they knew they would be the same ones (because they love them to bits) but if they would get somebody else's snotty little beasts would choose not to have any (because unknown mess-machines don't compare very favourably to the freedom of no kids).
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