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Having children but sure if you really want to.

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • FlugelhornFlugelhorn Forumite
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    I didn't really like other people's kids at all but somehow assumed I would have some of my own. When I had them I utterly adored having them and couldn't have imagined life without them
  • pollypennypollypenny Forumite
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    It is horrible. Didn't want any, ended up with two. House is always a chaos, lots of shouting and fights. And very expensive as well

    In hindsight, shouldn't have changed our mind.

    Avoid if you can.



    Don't you love your children? :(

    I can assure you that time flies and they'll be gone before you know it.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

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  • DigForVictoryDigForVictory Forumite
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    Retireby40 wrote: »
    I do love my quiet space and I don't like a mad house where everyone is constantly fighting and arguing. That probably means best to have 1 or 2 max.

    Or raising them to keep the bickering & arguing to a specific area. (My family acknowledge the concept of "Holy Ground", on which no arguing etc is tolerated, largely thanks to the original Highlander film.) It's not always easy, rows can flare over temperature, illness or who finished the cereal & didn't throw the box away, but if you want a quiet space, introduce & defend (& model) Holy Ground or its equivalent.

    I'd say so long as they have a space where they can hurtle around, yell, & generally be children (like a nice big garden, or easy access to a park), they'll probably cooperate with being calmer & quieter (relatively not absolutely) indoors. Numbers are (almost) irrelevant so long as the family protocols are robust.

    I've three lads & wouldn't be without them. They can annoy me almost as much as my sisters but they are my delights, terrors & keep a whetted edge on my curiosity!
  • suki1964suki1964 Forumite
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    I never wanted children

    Well you know thinking back I never really ever sat down and thought about it, children were just never in the picture full stop

    I married a man who already had children so Im very lucky to have grandchildren who I adore and Im a good grandmother, but Im still not really fussed on children

    Like Isyloo, my own childhood experience probably had a lot to do with it
    if you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it
  • Never wanted any, won't have any, have broken up with a partner of 11 years because he changed his mind about wanting them.

    I'm not willing to give up the hobbies I enjoy and most of my freedom to wreck my body and be tethered to another human until I die or they do. Nosiree. Not for me.

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Starmer4PM #Bremainer
  • AubreyMacAubreyMac Forumite
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    I know several people who didn’t strongly want kids but now can’t be without the ones they have. I guess that’s different from strongly NOT wanting kids.

    I used to work with a guy who didn’t want kids but felt pushed into having one with his ex (although it was a joint choice really). She was 10 years older than him and probably driven by her biological clock. I think he was content while they were together but regret and resentment showed when they separated and he ‘had to’ co-parent.

    I grew close to him and it was purely platonic. Although he tried his utmost to not show direct ambivalence to his child, I can see and feel his resentment when he was with his child. I knew that really he wanted to walk away and not have a relationship with his child but also knew this would seem bad on him plus his family were pushy (interfering if you ask me) with him maintaining contact.

    Anyway, the stress and pressure caused him depression which in turn made other parts of his life fall apart and he ended up taking his own life.

    I know this is an extreme story though.

    I personally wanted children but when my sister had my nephew, he has severe disabilities (through circumstances, not genetics). As much as I love and dote on him, he has really put me off having any. I just could not do what my sister does without breaking down.
  • ExodiExodi Forumite
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    I'm actually very happy to read this thread as it's often fronted as 'an obvious decision' but from an objective stand-point, I don't understand why anyone would have kids.

    I don't have children but have a lot of brothers and sisters; in fact I'm over 20 years older than the youngest. This has meant I've spent a lot of time changing nappies, dealing with tantrums and the general shenanigans and seen a lot of them grow up from babies.

    I don't have the 'paternal' instinct that parents would have (which I think is the main reason people deliberately sign up to this) so I'm often left scratching my head wondering why anyone in the right mind would have kids.

    They're outrageously expensive, they are entirely self motivated (you can look forward to dinners you've spent an hour cooking being thrown on the floor) and as they get older, reach the 'rebellious stage' where they tell you how much they dislike you and want to move out. Your whole life is then shoe-horned into providing care for them and you forfeit any real social life or treats. It's only until their mid 20's when they start to experience the real world do they realise how ungrateful they were. Why do people voluntarily sign up this?
    Know what you don't
  • Retireby40Retireby40 Forumite
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    Thanks for all the replies folks.

    My background maybe influences the odd thought of not having kids a lot.

    I was an only child in a one parent family. My parents were young and never lasted a crack together after my birth. A couple of year tops. Therefore I was used to a quiet house.

    I had a good relationship with my mum who I lived with. A very formal relationship with my father. My mum past away a few years back and my father started his own new family 10 years ago. About 20 years after my birth.

    I have no strong family connections as a result. While I keep in touch with my dad its very formal. And one or two aunties that I keep in touch with, any cousins I have from them are either 10-12 years older than me or 10-12 years younger. Therefore I didn't really spend much time with my cousins playing growing up as when I was say 10, the younger ones weren't born and the older ones were 21-22. My cousins all have brothers and sisters. I was the only one an only child.

    The above people I have mentioned all live in different parts of the country and I see them once or twice a year and again it's often more out of courtesy than actually enjoying the company.

    On the flip side because I lacked may be a connection with my father I have that idea and motivation to provide that and maybe create what I never had. The joy of taking them to football or tennis or whatever and holidays abroad makes me think I could provide a good life for a child based on what I didn't have.


    It's definately something to think long and hard about and it is good to be in an era where having kids at 35 is completely normal as opposed to 25.
  • meer53meer53 Forumite
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    Only you can make this decision, you're always going to get people on both sides of the fence. For me, i've never had a house where people are constantly shouting and fighting, don't know where you get the idea from that that's how family life is ? It's how you bring your children up that determines what sort of home you end up with, children aren't born that way. I have 2 children and they mean more to me than anything, that includes having "me time" or "quiet time" having small children isn't for ever, before you know it, they're grown up and taking you to the pub and picking you up when you've had one too many ! Both my kids are grown up now (allegedly, they're 32 and 19 !) and my best friends in the whole world. Don't get hung up on the thought that you have to give up your time and space for the rest of your life, you don't, but you will always worry about them, however old they are !
  • EmmyLou30EmmyLou30 Forumite
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    I bet there's an awful lot of people who regret having them who you'll never hear about because no-one will ever admit it. I mean who would!? your entire family and everyone who knew you would take against you and think you were a terrible and ungrateful person if you said you'd wished you'd not had them. So although you may feel alone in thinking 'I wish I hadn't had them', know that there are many like you who also feel that way in silence.


    I've never had kids in part because of medical issues, partly because I feel bad I couldn't give them the nice childhood I had and also because although I know I'd be a good Mum, I'm not 100% sure I want the hassle. These thoughts are generally 10am on a Saturday when I'm contemplating getting out of bed and thinking if I had a kid this wouldn't be possible.
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