Having children but sure if you really want to.

Retireby40

Hey folks.

It has been something I have been thinking about generally. While I don't expect to be planning kids in the next 1-3 years it is something that potentially could happen in 3-5 years.

While I have always thought I would like children, some days I just think. Is it really worth it? I always come back to the conclusion that it probably is. I am generally quite good with kids.

I do love my quiet space and I don't like a mad house where everyone is constantly fighting and arguing. That probably means best to have 1 or 2 max.

Have many of you had children despite having doubts, or decided not to have them and later changed your mind again or regretted it?

Anybody who was adamant they didn't want to be parents but later become parents?

DrivingMissDaisy

It is horrible. Didn't want any, ended up with two. House is always a chaos, lots of shouting and fights. And very expensive as well

In hindsight, shouldn't have changed our mind.

Avoid if you can.

LilElvis

Do you have a partner? Do they envisage having children with you in the short/ medium/ long term or never?

Retireby40

Yes I have a partner and we have talked about it. We aren't anywhere close to planning stage yet and if in 2 or 3 years something happened we are both young enough to move on and have kids.

As I said before I would be more for having children than to not have them. And I have discussed with my other half that it would be a maximum of 2 children I would want which they are in agreement with.

Maybe it's because I work with kids and I see them in all their glory and I see their parents coming and going absolutely drained (well that's how they look). And I just wonder. Is it worth those moments of delight and pride for all the sleepless nights, worry, financial stress etc.

While I'm still young and don't need to make any decisions now I just wanted the advice of those who maybe have experienced it.

onwards&upwards

I know someone who only wanted 1, partner really wanted 2 so she eventually agreed. Second pregnancy was twins so now they have 3 under 4 and it’s been really hard.

Just something to think about, it can happen to anyone!

Marvel1

Never wanted children and still don't, no regrets.

I have 2 nephews, love having them, they do argue, I can do the fun stuff and return them, love my freedom too much.

trailingspouse

It's really not that long ago that people basically didn't have any choice in the matter. You got married, you had kids. My grandfather was one of 10 - I doubt if at any point my great-grandparents sat down and asked themselves whether they wanted kids or not, or even how many they wanted.



So I say - you don't have to have kids. If you're at all unsure about whether or not you want them, then thank your lucky stars that you live at a time and in a place that allows you that choice.

lava_lamp

I was unsure for a number of years, but after meeting my now husband I decided that I would like to have a child. We now have a lovely little boy less than a year old. Our lives have changed massively but to be honest we're fine with that, we were ready for the change and the next stage in our lives.

There have been times when it's been really difficult but those times do pass. I'm sure there'll be times where he's really hard work, like when he's a toddler! But again, it won't always be so tough.

It is massively life changing but there is so much joy to be had from having children, creating a family. There must be a reason people have been reproducing for millennia, other than to sustain the human race

chesky

I'm glad I belong to the generation that still had accidental pregnancies, since I never envisaged myself having children. Neither of mine were planned but I wouldn't change if I had my time again.

lisyloo

I never wanted kids and like marvel1 I love my freedom.
I think this is caused by the fact that my Dad did a job he hated and stayed married to a woman who didn’t make him happy because he had kids and feel that’s awful.

I sometimes ask people with kids if you had your time again would you have kids and it’s about 50/50.

engineer_amy

Marvel1 wrote: »

Never wanted children and still don't, no regrets.

I have 2 nephews, love having them, they do argue, I can do the fun stuff and return them, love my freedom too much.

Snap, don't want any, hate other peoples kids. ive a niece and nephew and I can be the fun auntie who takes them swimming and to the cinema for treats, then hand them back and open a bottle of wine!