Criticism

System

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Your wife is a human being, just like you are, not fundamentally different in her emotions and needs.

Men and women are actually very different emotionally.

AnotherJoe wrote: »

She does seem to be going out if her way to pick fights

Classic boundary test...she's testing to see if OP is still tough enough to weather the storm.

sooty&sweep

Hi
Do you ever look after your two sons on your own during the day so your wife can have time away ? If your wife is able to do housework whilst looking after a 4 & 2 year old she is better than me ! She won't get a lunch break and she won't get to use the loo in peace with the door shut !
In terms of housework & running a household it's not just about doing the chores it's also about organising it all & making sure everything gets done.
Please don't misunderstand it sounds like you are a good husband & you do care but it also sounds like your wife feels overwhelmed & is exhausted. The examples you give sound silly & she is probably overreacting but if you're exhausted you do tend to fixate on the daftest things

ska_lover

Hi OP

It does sound to me, that your wife is deliberately picking fights. Most of the things you say are over dramatic nit picking. I mean 'cake gate' and moaning about what time you are coming home - on a rare night out - are not good

You say she wouldn't want to swap (ie her work full time and you go part time) as she is happy with the way things are - but if all she is doing is moan all the time - what actually can you do to make her happy?

Anyone ever heard of the type of relationship where person one does this kind of thing to person two, pick unnecessary fights etc until they cannot deal with it anymore and walk away...so person one looks the innocent victim..the abandoned partner...

Just a thought

Poor_Single_lady

Nothing to add but somebody above said get her Tickets for something by herself. Please do not follow That advice.
Given what you have said That sounds like a major risk and she will likely feel like you are pushing her away when she probably wants the 2 of you to be closer but doesn’t know how to make it happen.

SmarterNotHarder

This might sound a bit odd, excuse me if it does. I'm not a parent, but at the age where a lot of my friends are. And my friends (both male and female) tend to share the paid work, and household tasks to varying degrees. However, I find that the "emotional/mental labour" tends to fall disproportionately to the women. So you cook, but who makes all those timy decisions around "what's for dinner/kids packed lunches etc", who does the shopping? Who remembers all the birthdays, and does the planning surrounding that? Who buys your mums Mother's Day present?

I'm not trying to blame you, it's just one of the less obvious types of "women's work" that has just carried on. The obvious stuff, cooking/cleaning/changing nappies, people are a lot more aware of and any guy worth his salt (like you) would be horrified at not doing.

If however, she's feeling very overwhelmed, it might be this timy stuff on top of feeling isolated, maybe losing her confidence, and potentially anxiety etc. But complaining about "I had to buy your mum's birthday card!" sounds even more ridiculous said out loud than "You couldn't even remember to get me some cake?"

Chances are she hasn't even realised the trigger herself. I'm not saying I've figured it out, but it might be worth considering.

I know you're not dating, but this might help:
https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/a-guy-s-guide-to-emotional-labor.html


Apologies if I'm way off the mark

System

I love that the majority of default responses on here tend to be “she’s being unreasonable to you and behaving poorly, better bow to her every whim and draw her a bath because as a man you’ve clearly done something wrong”. Please, OP, this is not how you go about nurturing respect in a relationship. Neither is the nonsense in the link above.