New me New start, Pania's positive Progress!

embarrassed_about_my_debt

Morning P,

Ignore him! Why should you feel bad when he is quite clearly being a k**b!

Virtual Jaffa cake and :coffee: on its way!

pania

mmmmmm JAAAAAFFFFAAAAAAAA CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKEEEEES!!

You've done it now EAMD!! thats it, off to the shops i go....

thanks hon. x

hiya squirrel yes it is but sadly he has already gone blarney at the cost of the fees (£7.84) and he needs the money more than i do..... Oh righto!!!! is that why you had £400 to yourself this month and i have managed to make my paltry £180 last!!!!! grr grrrr grrrrrr!!!
Also worked out that if i worked my asse off for 3 months solid ie 5 evenings week appointments then i could get rid of a fair portion of my debt. Guess what. I'm not allowed. he'll leave me if i do as "he's not hanging around" I tell you what the idea is oh so tempting....

Right so will put gloomy P back in the cupboard and bring out happy P and P that has to do work to, if anyone is passing this way with a spare packet of jaffas chuck them through the lounge window on your way!!!

evab_2

hi P,
sorry oh is being a pain (very polite way of putting it) but why should he tell you what to do, if he's worried that he won't see much of you if you work every evening then fair enough maybe compromise and do 2 or 3. But if he's just saying no and that's it then I'm sorry what right does he have to do that?

You have to do what's right for you and you oh should support you, I know my dh has his faults but he has supported me through years of studying, extra teaching hours this year but he knows it's for the family!

What does he mean by 'not hanging around'? I don't understand his attitude but I realize it's difficult to over the net!

Best wishes Ev x

Snaggles

P, sorry you are having a hard time with OH (((hugs))).

He can only treat you like that if you allow yourself to be treated like that hun...stand up to him and tell him to bog off about the fees.

And as for him 'not hanging around', that's a disgraceful way of controlling you. If he really wants to leave, he will leave whatever you do - and if he really wants to stay, he will stay even if you work 5 nights a week (although as Ev says, maybe there is a compromise to be had?). But he knows that by saying he will leave, he can bully you into doing whatever he wants. And if you let him get away with it now, he will keep doing it for as long as you are together.

Sorry, don't mean to stick my nose in, but I hate to see you feeling down.

pania

hi there guys, thanks, I didn't mean to get back into the realms of OH bashing again just had a horrendous argument last night and needed to sound off.
My opinion has always and will always be, as a couple you support each other, no matter how hard that may get and sometimes we grumble about it, you see it through. If it is what as a couple is best for you then you do it.

The compromise would be to work less but take less money instead of an all out 3 month blitz which would clear a big proportion of debt.
By not hanging around he feels that i put "for us" above "us" he's not hanging around to wait for a girlfriend he never sees I think was the phrase. But I don't understand that when a month or so ago he was going to have to work away for 6 months I supported him. no i wasn't happy about it but i still supported him as it was his job and what he wanted to do. 3 months isn't that long is it to put my soul into my work and make the situation better financially? If i am being unreasonable please please tell me as a third opinion can sometimes really help. He moved here without me, leaving me behind, did i support him? yes. Did i move my whole life to accomodate him, yes.

It just feels that whatever i do, however i do it, there is something that makes him unhappy. If i make him that unhappy i would rather we did seperate then i could go my own way. I have spoken about this soooo many different times. why on earth don't i just take the bull by the horns and leave. i guess i just don't have the nerve to do it right now, but i will. We have to for the both of us and he knows that to.

evab_2

P,
I can't understand why he can't support you, do you both have the same long terms goals e.g. homes, work, life in general. If not then can you really see a future in a relationship where you support but you don't get it back.

It's the hardest thing in the world to end a relationship but if it means you have some time for yourself and have some 'me' time maybe that's what you need.

Whatever your decision make sure you lean on friends to help out, that's what they're for.

Ev x

OliveOyl_2

Hugs P ((()))

Tell me to butt out if I'm being out of order, but what are you getting out of this relationship?

Great sox?
Support?
A good laugh?

anything would do towards balancing the negative feedback you're receiving. But I'm worried that your esteem and self-belief are taking a bashing, and you're worth more than that.

redsquirrel80

In all honesty P, I would re-think working that much extra, but only for your own sanity! I know it would be great to get the debt paid faster, but I'd worry about you getting burnt out and not having enough time to relax & do other things. But that's got to be your decision, although I'm not convinced that his threats aren't just empty ones.

Obviously in a relationship you need to compromise, but you certainly don't seem to be getting that from him! It seems to me that he wants someone to support everything he does, look after him etc but doesn't want to give anything the other way. Some people are quite happy for their relationship to work like that - we're all so different after all - but you don't seem happy with things working that way. I can't see why he's making a fuss about not seeing much of you when it doesn't seem like he's exactly making things great for you when you do spend time together. From what you've said, it seems to me that he expects everything to be 'perfect' and to always go his way - and he doesn't seem to have realised that life isn't like that! I'd also guess from reading between the lines that he is as confused as you about what he really wants. It is sad, when you both care about each other (which I'm sure he does despite some of his behaviour), that being together isn't making each other happy.

It's a tough decision, I know.. whatever happens there's loads of support and hugs here for you xx

OliveOyl_2

RedSquirrel says it so much better

embarrassed_about_my_debt

Same as above P,

I dont see what your getting from this relationship?

What about a compromise, Working 3 Nights per week, so it would be a 6 month stint rather than a 3 month at 5 nights?