Giving up/ Cutting Down Alcohol Thread Part 16

marahouti

Good morning. 14/16 please Shaggy. Thank you. X

Wanna_Bee_Free

Good morning, I'm planning another AFD today which will be 9/14.

HoneyBear, I know Decembers are generally excessive for me and I've normally stopped posting by now. How did it feel for you that the list was so quiet? Did you feel less supported as a result?

cathybird

Morning all, 14/21 for me today please.

Honey_Bear

Season_of_Mist wrote: »

HB, good to have you back, I for one have missed your wise words on here.

Thank you, Season of Mist. That's a lovely thing to say.

shaggydoo wrote: »

Hi guys,:santa2:
Sorry I haven't been around. But normal service will now resume.

Shaggyx

Welcome back, and I hope everything went well while you were away.

Wanna_Bee_Free wrote: »

HoneyBear, I know Decembers are generally excessive for me and I've normally stopped posting by now. How did it feel for you that the list was so quiet? Did you feel less supported as a result?

Well done for keeping up the good work this December WBF. December on this thread is 'Wry Smile Time of Year' because I know everyone promises themselves they'll avoid the excesses of last year and then somehow it just sort of happens for most people, what with a works do here and there, their partner's work do, and then getting together with friends and every other reason for celebrating, and who then crawl out of the other side of Christmas muttering 'Never again. Never ever again.' And how do I know this? Because that was me for a couple of decades, so it would be utterly wrong of me to even think 'Tsk tsk' wouldn't it?

We also spend Christmas with two people who basically hop into a bottle at breakfast time on Christmas Day and pour themselves into bed after they've both fallen asleep during Eastenders which they insist on watching, and I've walked their dog because neither of them are capable of even standing up. They're good friends and in time now that they've both retired I think they'll slow down but only gradually so I don't hold out a lot of hope for this year because it's just a bit too soon. I hope so for their sakes, anyway.

As for being supported by this thread, the support I get from it has never, ever wavered, so absolutely not. I no longer think about drinking at all; it's a forgotten aspect of what was my day to day life after five and a half years and posting daily is a habit I need to maintain basically. And I'm forever grateful that it was here when I really, really needed it. Every single question I asked was answered kindly and sensibly, and people were really generous with their thoughts and support. It's been marvelous, which is why I stay.

There is an aspect though that was a bit of an unforeseen complication and an unintended consequence of stopping drinking, and while everyone who's ever stopped talks about it, those of us that are doing it never think it will happen to us. Frankly, I'm bored by pretty much all of our friends from our drinking days and it feels really disloyal to say that, but it happened again last night and this has got to stop.

It's an annual get-together, it was as badly organised as it was last year, and my patience snapped this morning after I cleared up the dog's pee - which happened purely because I was out last night and she's still feeling a bit insecure because I've been out a lot lately. I absolutely 100% knew she was going to do it before we went out and why, there's a plastic sheet and dustsheet permanently down in the area where she does it, but it nonetheless needs sorting out when we've got a paying guest - who has been lovely about it. Every time she pees indoors it reinforces a habit I'm trying to break and being bored stiff twice in three days while out with people who are drinking, and coming home to a soggy doggy dustsheet is just tedious. An hour of the washing machine and an hour in the tumble drier isn't hard work but it's all extra stuff to do and as this is a Money Saving website I can say it - wasted money, on top of the price of drinks, whether AF or not.

I've put my foot down about it this morning and told OH that as of the new year I'm done with it all. I intend to have the old gang around for a proper meal at some point fairly soon, I'll pull out all the stops because I'm actually very fond of all of them, but I'm so bored of the repeated conversations, the endless talk about self, self, self and the lack of interest in the wider world when they've had a few. I'm not saying that's everyone who has more than two, I'm saying it's this particular group of people and I just want to stop being on this seriously tedious merry-go-round and go on liking them.

And I can't do loud music any more either because I have tinnitus - that's not going to improve and sober, I don't want to shout at anyone or be shouted at. Are people who drink aware of the volume being turned up in pubs and clubs as the night goes on? People have to shout, it dries out their throats and mouths - they drink more.

I used to be the life and soul of the party myself after a couple, and I don't think they're doing anything wrong at all - I was never bored by any of them while I drank. But I don't any more and they do, and much as I love them all during the day when I see them I'm done with this evening drinking thing. I don't like Wetherspoons (or Tim Martin), I don't like Christmas sheds in street markets, I don't like the King's Head where people go just because the beer's cheap and I've done enough of it for five years to know that things are not going to improve, so it's time I ducked out. Whether the friendships will survive unchanged is something that I can't predict, OH is more than welcome to carry on but I want my life back to concentrate on the things that interest me, and a few more early nights wouldn't go amiss at this time of year, either.

That may have been a bit of a rant, but it's how the not drinking thing is working out for me right now, and this has been building for about four years. I think I've given them a fair crack of the whip and I need to move on now. Love them all to bits, so this is a big deal and I hope it works out.

Frankly, there is and always has been more support on this thread where people are probably getting pretty merry over Christmas than with my drinking friends and that is quite a sobering thought, isn't it.

17/31 please, Shaggy.

maman

That's a heartfelt post HB:A. I can see why you want things to change in 2020. On reflection, I'm fortunate in that my friends are moderate drinkers so I'm not subjected to the sort of shouty, boring converations that you've had. At Christmas we'll just have DD1 who is teetotal (she just drinks coffee and Evian), DGD and DH who drink moderately and me. It'll give us clear heads for board games and cards.:D

Sorry to hear about the lovely Layla . I was wondering how she was coping with you being so busy in recent weeks. Hopefully you can now focus on getting her feeling more secure.

Wanna_Bee_Free wrote: »

HoneyBear, I know Decembers are generally excessive for me and I've normally stopped posting by now. How did it feel for you that the list was so quiet? Did you feel less supported as a result?

I post on another thread which always goes quiet at this time of the year because it's about healthy eating. I don't feel unsupported as I'm past that but I always worry about absent friends because I make the assumption that they've fallen off the wagon. What really matters though IMO is jumping back on again ASAP.:)

I'm out dancing tonight at a Christmas Ceilidh. I'll be driving so not drinking.

7/10 AFDs please Shaggy and 2/4 for the SNC. :xmassmile

maggiem

10/14 please and I'd love to join SNC this week so 1/4 please. We've been given a lovely advent calendar with wine in it so need to save that up but tempting!

Interesting to read your comments Honeybear about old friends, (and lovely to 'see' you posting again). I haven't noticed this but I think that's because if we are at friends then I usually make that a day I am drinking so am not so sober I notice, if that makes sense. However I have had a couple of nights recently when I have been drinking and then drank too much, feeling rough the next day. I must monitor this as I do not want to go back to that. I have been slipping back into having a couple of glasses whilst cooking and for me that is fatal as any chance of slowing down then disappears. I have also put a lot of weight on - amazing when consuming lots of calorie is in wine! So I am determined to achieve my AF target this month even if it is December - and must try not to subject any friends to rants - hard in current political climate!
Hope everyone else is finding staying AF or reducing the amount they drink easier - well done Lovasale, you sound as though you have cracked it! Onward and upward.

Arkers

Good morning everyone,

11 please Shaggy

HB I hope you manage to resolve the situation that you find yourself, a lot of it sounds like it has become an habitual ritual with the group that you socialise with. Are you sure that all the changes are down to you not drinking, or just that you have moved in a different direction with your life? Or is it a bit of both. I only have one best friend from school (life long) and although I still make contact with people I used to know they are acquaintances and not good friends. Maybe this group are acquaintances and not true friends? Hopefully you will make sense of it soon.

Sorry about your dogga log, she's lucky to have found her forever home xxxx

Arkers x

sukeyboo

9/10 for today please Shaggy

arsenalbarnie

I feel for you HB pubs and loud music I just don’t get it. As for your friend situation can sympathise there too. Am out tonight (driving) and I expect I will be sat there silent whilst they all moan about their jobs (I was in the same profession years ago) and I can’t contribute as no longer work in it. My thoughts are always retire then on your big fat pension which they all could next year, and get a different job. They can all go back there part time and work as and when they please too once retired. Life is too short. I understand some don’t have this luxury and are stuck in jobs they hate, but this lot do have a choice. But they won’t they will carry on moaning about how it’s not the same anymore. They never ask me about what I do as they don’t think there is a working life out of their profession! I feel depressed every time I go and wonder why I do it. It’s sad because we all had such fun in our younger days, had our children at the same time etc,. It’s made worse when one particular one has had a few as she gets a bit funny/snappy with me too. I still flipping sit there and take it.

Anyway 1 more for yesterday please Shaggy. Jan total will be tf but this may change.

pollyanna24

Loved that post HoneyBear, certainly puts things in perspective.

Bit jealous though, I don't have anyone to go out with, haha. Spent the last 10 years bringing kids up and now that I could leave them for a little bit (not by themselves while I go out on a jolly, even I'm not that bad!), there's no one to go out with!

My reining in of drinking has always been the sitting at home in front of the telly kind of drinking, in some ways worse, as for the former, you can just stop going out.

But I am enjoying my AF days, there was a time when I didn't think I would write that. That I'd always be waiting for the weekend so I could drink.

Now I think, I could drink during the week if I wanted and if I really get the urge, I will, cos life is too short, but in general, the answer seems to be that I just don't. Cos I know me. And one glass is never one glass.

Anyways, I am up to 12 for the month and 176 for the year. Almost touching distance of my target of 183. Would seem silly not to make it, but I am still of the view that if I don't, then I have still done what I set out to do and that is cut down.