How soon is too soon

omendata

Wait until you are thirty at least!

That way things financially will be better - money worries and arguments are the first thing to kill a relationship!

You also dont really know someone till you have been with them for a decade and know if it will work long time!

Dont jump in its madness!

LoisGriffin

Thank you, but obviously I am not going to wait a decade. And I am over 30. I think waiting 5 years is too long, it wouldn’t be right for me.

onwards&upwards

LoisGriffin wrote: »

Thank you, but obviously I am not going to wait a decade. And I am over 30. I think waiting 5 years is too long, it wouldn’t be right for me.

What about him?

LoisGriffin

I am quite surprised about all the responses that keep reminding me to check what he thinks. We are in the same page, when I say I, it does mean we.

Maybe when you have been together a long time you stop checking in with the person so much. But we are quite in-tune, where we have differences we talk them through and see the other persons point of view. Where we have to agree to disagree that’s fine, but we do check back.

I just thought it was a given that I wouldn’t be thinking this and making these plans solely on my own like a mad woman!
He would like to get married and be a family also.

Pollycat

LoisGriffin wrote: »

I am quite surprised about all the responses that keep reminding me to check what he thinks. We are in the same page, when I say I, it does mean we.

Maybe when you have been together a long time you stop checking in with the person so much. But we are quite in-tune, where we have differences we talk them through and see the other persons point of view. Where we have to agree to disagree that’s fine, but we do check back.

I just thought it was a given that I wouldn’t be thinking this and making these plans solely on my own like a mad woman!
He would like to get married and be a family also.

Then just do it.
It doesn't matter what other people think or have experienced.
It's how you and he feel about each other.

Primrose

Being on the same page on all the important issues is important. You will both have though about and talked through all the key "what ifs?" so if you are confident, have the courage of your convictions and go ahead.

Just be ready to accept that at some point "LIFE" will throw a rock in your pond. Over time it will probably throw quite a few! Just stay on board with each other and talk the issues through.

onwards&upwards

LoisGriffin wrote: »

I am quite surprised about all the responses that keep reminding me to check what he thinks. We are in the same page, when I say I, it does mean we.

Maybe when you have been together a long time you stop checking in with the person so much. But we are quite in-tune, where we have differences we talk them through and see the other persons point of view. Where we have to agree to disagree that’s fine, but we do check back.

I just thought it was a given that I wouldn’t be thinking this and making these plans solely on my own like a mad woman!
He would like to get married and be a family also.

I’m sorry, but no matter how much you insist it isn’t the case, you do sound exactly like someone in the first crazy stages of an infatuation. If it’s going to last there’s no rush, is there? Let things settle, every relationship has a honeymoon period.

Definitely don’t let I become we too much!

Georgiepie

LoisGriffin wrote: »

Thank you, but obviously I am not going to wait a decade. And I am over 30. I think waiting 5 years is too long, it wouldn’t be right for me.

I too think 5 years is a long time. I have friends who were together for about 3 years before they even got engaged and then another 3 or more before they got married.

Me and DH knew we wanted to be together for life. We didn't want to live together so we got married. Never ever regretted that decision.

It doesn't take 5 years or whatever to know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone

Elinore

I asked him to move in with me the first time we met. There's quite an age gap and we are very different people. One very introverted one extrovert. no one thought we would stay together in a million years - 16 years

That being said I don't feel longevity is any guarantee, all my father's side split in the 40-year mark - which was a deep personal shock to their respective partners, the rest at 20 after the kids left. My mother's side all split after fast passionate weddings followed by flaming divorces.

Across both families and my friends, there is no rhyme or reason to who stays together or who doesn't. There have been short engagements/long engagements, Older couples/younger couples, cohabiting/married, kids/no kids, mismatched/ matched couples, money/no money - there is no sure bet. (my OH's side is similar - his father is on his third marriage and all uncles/aunts are divorced)

I don't have a single relation or friend who is still with the person they thought was 'The One' whether they were married or in a significant committed long term relationship.

So love what you've got while you have it.

The only constant I've noticed is the bigger and fancier the wedding the faster the spilt (within my social circle anyway)

Georgiepie

I don't think there is any rhyme or reason a lot of the time whether marriages work or not.

In my family there are almost no divorces. Parents married getting on for 70 years, both siblings married for over 35 years, me and DH married for 39 years. None of my aunts and uncles divorced and out of 7 cousins 5 have been married at least 29 years. The other 2 are divorced.

DH's family has far more divorces in it. A couple of his aunts and 3 of his cousins have been divorced more than once,