How soon is too soon

mudgekin

Met in October,
Had our first date on Nov 5th and for the first time slept with someone on the first date
He proposed on Hogmanay
Married the following March
I love my soulmate more today than I ever thought possible and I’m so grateful for 32 years together

Georgiepie

Me and DH met in January (I was 25, he was 23). We got married in June (didn't live together first).

We celebrate 39 years married this year and are very happy and very much in love still.

I was adamant I didn't want to get married, then met now DH and definitely did!

DH proposed about 4 weeks after we met. From the 3rd date we saw each other just about every day even if only for an hour or so

System

Hello,
I read a lot about relationship dynamics. General (and sensible) rule is that anyone can behave at the start of a relationship. Any BPD, untrustworthy, cheating person can be on their best behaviour for the first 18 months. Wait at least one year before you jump and make a decision that could have ramifications for many years to come.

Gavin83

I think it's crazy to get married that early on in a relationship but of course people are free to conduct their relationships how they wish. For every tale of perfect matrimony they'll be several of failed marriages.

Personally I wouldn't move in with someone I'd been with less than a year and I'd want to live with them for a year before I proposed and in all honesty I'd wait longer. IMO you don't get to know someone earlier than this and a girlfriend pushing for these things would be a huge red flag for me.

Georgiepie

Gavin83 wrote: »

I think it's crazy to get married that early on in a relationship but of course people are free to conduct their relationships how they wish. For every tale of perfect matrimony they'll be several of failed marriages.

Personally I wouldn't move in with someone I'd been with less than a year and I'd want to live with them for a year before I proposed and in all honesty I'd wait longer. IMO you don't get to know someone earlier than this and a girlfriend pushing for these things would be a huge red flag for me.

I am not sure I think the length of time a couple have known each other really makes that much difference. As I said, we knew each other 5 months before marrying and are still very happy.

A cousin of DH lived with her boyfriend for 12 years and then married. The marriage lasted 6 months. A friend of ours lived with his girlfriend for 14 years then married - the marriage lasted just over a year. Another friend dated her boyfriend for 9 years before marrying - that lasted 2 years.

System

I will say i knew the bf was "the one" quite early on, 4 years later i still feel the same. Neither of us is overly bothered by marraige though further down the line might be an option. We're currently saving up for our own place (and im paying off debt) so although marraige is supposed to come first i;d rather have somewhere to live first.

JayJay100

I have the felt the way you have described twice in my life. The first time, I couldn't believe my luck and I genuinely thought we'd be together forever; we were on the same page with everything, we looked at other couples that were going through difficult times and congratulated ourselves that we would never be like that, and it was wonderful right up to the moment he left. The second time was very similar, although I knew it could all be taken away in seconds, and it was. I couldn't imagine life without either of them at the time. Occasionally I see them now and I feel nothing for either of them; I don't even find them attractive.

The relationship I'm in now is totally different and it is was a slow burn; we almost drifted together and there were no bells or whistles. There are very few dizzy heights, but there are equally few devastating lows; I'm with someone who has my back 100% and is worth his weight in gold.

Enjoy what you have and make the most of it. If it's going to happen, it will.

garth549

We moved in together after 6 months, got engaged after 1 year, married after 2 years, baby after 6 years.

Be careful because it's easy to get carried away early on in a relationship. I'd definitely advise living together for at least 6 months before even thinking about marriage.

Slinky

Georgiepie wrote: »

A cousin of DH lived with her boyfriend for 12 years and then married. The marriage lasted 6 months. A friend of ours lived with his girlfriend for 14 years then married - the marriage lasted just over a year. Another friend dated her boyfriend for 9 years before marrying - that lasted 2 years.

Sounds as though the relationships were dying, but they hoped marriage would change things, which they didn't.

Gavin83

Georgiepie wrote: »

I am not sure I think the length of time a couple have known each other really makes that much difference. As I said, we knew each other 5 months before marrying and are still very happy.

A cousin of DH lived with her boyfriend for 12 years and then married. The marriage lasted 6 months. A friend of ours lived with his girlfriend for 14 years then married - the marriage lasted just over a year. Another friend dated her boyfriend for 9 years before marrying - that lasted 2 years.

I'm sure everyone can think of examples of most situations in regards to relationships. However you are definitely more likely to have a failed marriage if you've only been together a short amount of time before getting hitched.

I've never really understood how a couple can be together a decade and then get divorced after 6 months. You'd think they'd know each other by that point.