Depressed and unemployed partner.

Gloria_Steeth

Some more blunt talking...

If you don't break it off when you know in your heart of hearts that this relationship is never going to work out, aren't you misleading your partner into thinking he's got a future with you?

You were rightly aggrieved when you discovered he had been less than honest with you at the start of your relationship.

Be honest with him, even though he isn't going to like it.

Barny1979

How is the trip to Edinburgh being funded? Is it all out of your pocket?

Slinky

esj13 wrote: »

I also think that there is a degree of cowardice on my part as I don't want to be that person.

So you've settled on this person as being your partner for life now have you? Unless he chooses to end it?

pickledonionspaceraider

esj13 wrote: »

I need some advice, or at least just to vent a bit.
I’m currently in a same sex relationship and I’m feeling less than passionate about it.
He is not currently working ans actually has never had a job. When we first started speaking he kinda lied and told me that he worked in “online gaming”.
What I found out was that actually he streamed gaming via Twitch and that he was sometimes paid for this by viewers and subscribers.
He hasn’t done this at all since we met.
I later discovered him taking a tablet and when I asked what it was he said it was citalopram as he has depression which he also didn’t tell me about.
He also likes to “maul” me a lot, and I am not a very tactile person, which I said before we met and he said he was the same. And when I ask him to not touch me or try and hug me when I’m trying to sleep, he complains and I find myself infuriated by him.

I basically feel that he misrepresented himself and almost tricked me into this relationship and I’m feeling resentful of this.

We live apart and as I work all day, don’t get to talk much as I am currently studying for a degree part time.
When we do speak(via FaceTime) I see that he is in bed or in his dressing gown and hasn’t done anything all day.
I encouraged him to apply for jobs and he did this once, initially.
He was also offered a job by someone in a pub and did 2 shifts at this and didn’t return.
After some time of trying to encourage him to make changes I became quite vexed at his inaction and he became distraught as he thought I would leave him and actually told me that as it is still technically early days, I should walk away.
When I told him that I felt like he wa seeing emotionally abusive he said that all he wanted was for me to say that I didn’t want to leave him, which again is further manipulation.

We kinda got over this and I encouraged him to seek support from his doctor about his depression and to make a claim to benefits to help him get into work as he would regularly have no money and I don’t think that I should have to fund him.

We’ve been in this relationship for 5 months now and we’re going away next week to Edinburgh, but this lack of motivation he possesses makes me feel little to no attraction to him and I feel like if things don’t improve soon, I will have to end it.
I feel rather mean and selfish thinking like this, but when he goes on about moving in together etc and I tell him that he needs to have a job at least first he says “I know”, but I feel like he feels that I won’t care about this in the long run or that he’s procrastinating about dealing with his issues.

I feel that I need to think about myself a little and however he feels about it is not my concern as I have offered support and advice.

Does this sound unreasonable of me?
Any advice is welcome. TIA.

I think you do not have one good thing to say about your partner

A manipulative lying mauler, who tricked you into a relationship?

It is all very dramatic language being used, considering you seem an intelligent human being capable of walking away..but then follow it up by saying he is not malicious in any way

It sounds like you don't even like him as a human being, neverless as a partner

I think if you want to end it, end it now, otherwise you are the one tricking him - tricking him into believing you have a future together. And with regards to lying, if you don't speak to him about all this, then you yourself are living a lie.

If you do end it, please do so gently and with care

It would be interesting to hear what you actually like (if anything) about your partner


He likely didn't tell you about his depression about of fear of rejection - there is so much stigma about it is very hard explaining it to someone.

I wish you both well

katiekittykat

I do not think that you are being unreasonable at all.

Like others have said RUN.

Someone said to me once, you cannot be responsible for another persons happiness and I have never heard a truer word spoken.

You deserve better.

Good luck xxxx

HampshireH

So,

You live 40 miles apart

Rarely see each other or speak to each other due to you working and studying.

You earn he doesnt

He whinges & emotionally manipulates conversations, you can see this and don't like it.

What does he bring to this relationship?

You could be missing out on "the one" whilst not wishing to upset this person.

Mary_Bing

Of course, you are not to rely on comments of people you are not acquinted with. Or some other people. As its your life and your choice. But if it is that bad, I wouldn't give these relationship a second chance.