Depressed and unemployed partner.

gwynlas

You do not say how old you both are or thhe area of the country where you live both of which might change the advice given to some degree.
Personally I would say walk away as you cannot be equal partners if he is dependent on you both emotionally and financially.
Citalopram is very common and it would depend on the dosage and length of treatment as to how depressed he supposedly is. I know people who take it and go out to work without problems,
Where does he live and how does he manage for money at the moment?
He's already lied to you re working and failed to engage when offerred a job on a plate, and bar work is not hard.
Forget going away with him and find someone in similar circumstances to yourself ie paying your own way in the world.

NeilCr

Comms69 wrote: »

Well it was an opinion, not an assertion.


IE I think people rush into relationship changes; generally speaking.

I think for quite a few people partner is the easiest way to describe their "other half" notwithstanding how long they have been together. We are both in our later years, don't live together and have been in a relationship for over 8 years now. We have described each other as "partner" ever since we started gong out. Boy/girlfriend doesn't sound right at our age and partners describes us exactly.

Not sure what you mean about rushing into relationship changes - what you call each other isn't about that.

I understand this is just your opinion Comms but I strongly dislike the relationship "rules" some people seem to have.

In terms of the OP I agree with everyone else. Given what the OP said I can't see a future for this relationship.

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

I think for quite a few people partner is the easiest way to describe their "other half" notwithstanding how long they have been together. We are both in our later years, don't live together and have been in a relationship for over 8 years now. We have described each other as "partner" ever since we started gong out. Boy/girlfriend doesn't sound right at our age and partners describes us exactly.

Not sure what you mean about rushing into relationship changes - what you call each other isn't about that.

I understand this is just your opinion Comms but I strongly dislike the relationship "rules" some people seem to have.

In terms of the OP I agree with everyone else. Given what the OP said I can't see a future for this relationship.

I suppose it's different for everyone, but partner tends to imply - in my eyes anyway - a relationship status similar to marriage


A commitment to behave in a way that is focused on the relationship. I don't want to create a definitive timeline, but as an example for my thoughts:


You're seeing eachother / dating - 1-2 months
You're a couple - typically from two months onwards
You're partners - when you might move in together


Again not judging people, but the term partner to me would mean that the OP in this case was supporting their 'partner' financially as an example.

NeilCr

I sort of think that's where your "timeline" falls down.

As I say, we've been in a relationship for over eight years, we are never going to live together but will be with each other for the foreseeable future. Partners does - and always has - describe us exactly.

I understand we all see it differently and have different definitions but, again, there seems a rigidity in some that I don't really get.

Primrose

Take a long step back, try to put your personal emotions aside for a moment and ask yourself what you would honestly advise if a good friend came to you with this problem.

I think you're probably already halfway to providing your own answer.

The fact that you both live separately makes it so much easier to walk away without the complications of finding yourself homeless. Your partner seems to lack any kind of initiative which is essential to make a shared relationship work and in the end his lifestyle will only drag you down.

You,ve done what you can to offer support. He has not responded to your offer so time to call it a day and not feel guilty. You dont want to end being trapped in this sort of relationship, and heaven forbid, moving in together under the same roof!

Gavin83

Comms69 wrote: »

I suppose it's different for everyone, but partner tends to imply - in my eyes anyway - a relationship status similar to marriage


A commitment to behave in a way that is focused on the relationship. I don't want to create a definitive timeline, but as an example for my thoughts:


You're seeing eachother / dating - 1-2 months
You're a couple - typically from two months onwards
You're partners - when you might move in together


Again not judging people, but the term partner to me would mean that the OP in this case was supporting their 'partner' financially as an example.

I guess it's down to interpretation. Personally I never called my wife 'my partner'. She went from my girlfriend, to my fiance to my wife. I see the term partners as something used more in same sex relationships, which may well be why it's used here.

And in response to the OP I agree with the majority, walk away.

financegeek

Comms69 wrote: »

You're seeing eachother / dating - 1-2 months
You're a couple - typically from two months onwards
You're partners - when you might move in together

the trouble with this is that you can't refer to your other half as your 'couple' so when you're at that stage, what do you call them?

i refer to my boyfriend either a my boyfriend or partner interchangably, depending on what mood i'm in and who i'm speaking to.

onwards&upwards

Bit weird this, you’ve met someone, realised quite soon you don’t like them much, but for some reason have carried on a relationship as if you were committed in some way!

Just break up, and don’t feel you have to get serious with everyone you date!

esj13

Wow, an overwhelming response, thank you all!
As some of you have asked, we live 40 miles apart.

I have asked this of colleagues and got the same response.
I know it is still very early days and I could have and maybe should have walked away sooner, but it makes me feel like a horrible person to do so and he isn't malicious in anyway.
I also think that there is a degree of cowardice on my part as I don't want to be that person.

Savvy_Sue

esj13 wrote: »

I also think that there is a degree of cowardice on my part as I don't want to be that person.

I'm going to just put this bluntly. You can either be 'that person' who has the courage to end a relationship which isn't working out, or you can be 'that person' who was afraid to do that, and spends far too many years wondering what they're doing in a relationship which isn't working out.

I don't know how you end this: bottom line is you can't do it without causing him some upset, you may be met with emotional blackmail, but this relationship isn't doing him any good either. So have the courage to end it.