Depressed and unemployed partner.

esj13

I need some advice, or at least just to vent a bit.
I’m currently in a same sex relationship and I’m feeling less than passionate about it.
He is not currently working ans actually has never had a job. When we first started speaking he kinda lied and told me that he worked in “online gaming”.
What I found out was that actually he streamed gaming via Twitch and that he was sometimes paid for this by viewers and subscribers.
He hasn’t done this at all since we met.
I later discovered him taking a tablet and when I asked what it was he said it was citalopram as he has depression which he also didn’t tell me about.
He also likes to “maul” me a lot, and I am not a very tactile person, which I said before we met and he said he was the same. And when I ask him to not touch me or try and hug me when I’m trying to sleep, he complains and I find myself infuriated by him.

I basically feel that he misrepresented himself and almost tricked me into this relationship and I’m feeling resentful of this.

We live apart and as I work all day, don’t get to talk much as I am currently studying for a degree part time.
When we do speak(via FaceTime) I see that he is in bed or in his dressing gown and hasn’t done anything all day.
I encouraged him to apply for jobs and he did this once, initially.
He was also offered a job by someone in a pub and did 2 shifts at this and didn’t return.
After some time of trying to encourage him to make changes I became quite vexed at his inaction and he became distraught as he thought I would leave him and actually told me that as it is still technically early days, I should walk away.
When I told him that I felt like he wa seeing emotionally abusive he said that all he wanted was for me to say that I didn’t want to leave him, which again is further manipulation.

We kinda got over this and I encouraged him to seek support from his doctor about his depression and to make a claim to benefits to help him get into work as he would regularly have no money and I don’t think that I should have to fund him.

We’ve been in this relationship for 5 months now and we’re going away next week to Edinburgh, but this lack of motivation he possesses makes me feel little to no attraction to him and I feel like if things don’t improve soon, I will have to end it.
I feel rather mean and selfish thinking like this, but when he goes on about moving in together etc and I tell him that he needs to have a job at least first he says “I know”, but I feel like he feels that I won’t care about this in the long run or that he’s procrastinating about dealing with his issues.

I feel that I need to think about myself a little and however he feels about it is not my concern as I have offered support and advice.

Does this sound unreasonable of me?
Any advice is welcome. TIA.

thorsoak

Walk away - this is not a healthy relationship.

McKneff

As above...

-taff

ditto ^
you're not there to solve his problems.

elsien

Although it's a bit much to say he tricked you into a relationship. You did have a choice to walk away at any point.

paddy's_mum

Feeling repulsed by someone is no basis whatever for a fulfilling future, no matter who you are.

Accountant_Kerry

Why are you still in this relationship?

dawyldthing

Men generally take a long while to grow up (From experience). If he’s not tried getting a job in 5 months it’s going to take some change to get one.

There’s a saying ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink’. Ie you can nag him to high heaven about stuff, but he has to want to change.

And why would he when he still has his games consoles, a place to stay, places to go.

Do think about what you want. I went out with someone who worked but had appalling time keeping and always spent his money, then borrowed, even though he lived at home. Didn’t last in the end as we didn’t have similar goals

hazyjo

Stop trying to fix it or say ''if I could just get him to change...'

Most relationships we have don't work out. Stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole. It ain't gonna happen. Agree - time to walk. The longer you stay, the harder it'll be to leave.

puk999

OP, you sound perfectly reasonable and I'd agree you've been deceived.

It's time to move on IMHO.

[Deleted User]

There comes a point when you have to say I'm to long in the tooth and so long.

Had a lovely friend until they chose unemployment and stopped answering, for all the efforts in the world it grew to talking to a brick wall and I felt like I had an imaginary friend so I feel your agony. I would like to say they need you before you need them but don't know how true this is.