How many boys holidays

Js_Other_Half

miss_edith wrote: »

Sorry to intrude on another post but this is kind of relevant to me too. I've been with my boyfriend 3 years, we don't live together but do intend to at some point in the distant future. So far we have had just 2 weekends away together and he goes away with a friend for 2 or 3 weeks each year. I'm not bothered about him going, he should make the most of the opportunity to see places but I get a bit annoyed that he uses most of his leave on these holidays and has no time left for me. And the other problem is that I'm a teacher so am stuck with school holidays and he is not allowed to take any holiday at Xmas, Easter or the Feb half term so we're pretty much stuck with only the summer holidays together and that seriously limits the places we can go to. I'm finding it really hard to cope with. Has anyone else been in this position?

I have to be honest and say that the fact you've been together for 3 years with no plans to move on to the next step of a relationship rings warning bells for me...

If he doesn't make time for you, and seemingly thinks it's more important to spend time with his friends, what will change over the coming years?
Please don't be offended, I just want you to think about it from another angle.

(I was in a long distance relationship for most of my 20s, which went nowhere...)

misscomickat

Js_Other_Half wrote: »

I have to be honest and say that the fact you've been together for 3 years with no plans to move on to the next step of a relationship rings warning bells for me...

It doesn't ring any warning bells to me, it depends on the situation!
And she has said they intend to live together in the future.

financegirl

miss_edith wrote: »

Sorry to intrude on another post but this is kind of relevant to me too. I've been with my boyfriend 3 years, we don't live together but do intend to at some point in the distant future. So far we have had just 2 weekends away together and he goes away with a friend for 2 or 3 weeks each year. I'm not bothered about him going, he should make the most of the opportunity to see places but I get a bit annoyed that he uses most of his leave on these holidays and has no time left for me. And the other problem is that I'm a teacher so am stuck with school holidays and he is not allowed to take any holiday at Xmas, Easter or the Feb half term so we're pretty much stuck with only the summer holidays together and that seriously limits the places we can go to. I'm finding it really hard to cope with. Has anyone else been in this position?

I would say from reading the post he's had things his way for a while.

You get two weekends and the friend gets three weeks. Can you not do a swap the friend gets the weekends and you get the weeks. Tell him that you want him to compromise and spend some of his leave with you.

You could ask him if out of his three weeks leave, could he spend two with you, then he'll still have a week of leave to go with friend and he could catch up with his other mates on the weekends.

Miss Edith - I think you may need to put your foot down a bit and say XX years on , I expect a little bit of committment, not marriage, moving in kids etc but at least some holidays with my partner during the year, not two weekends!

JennyW_2

basilcat7 wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and he's moving in in a couple of weeks- scary !!
Just wondering what general opinion is for him going on holiday on his own- he wants to go on a number of holidays next year with his mates- a week skiing in Feb, New York at Easter weekend (his mate works at Virgin and can get very cheap flights), a weekend stag do, the V festival, Leeds festival and a golf weekend. i don't have have much disposible income and my friends are all settled and married so its a bit unlikely I can go away with a friend too. Saying that, he is going to take me to America where his parents live (he took me this year for 2 weeks). I say 'took me' as he paid for it- going back to the point before about my money.
The thing is he is going to pay me rent when he moves in so thats ok but I just feel he should be planning more for us. Theres an age gap too- I am 34- he is 26- so I don't want to tell him he can't do all this but I do feel its a bit excessive.
he is lovely to me in every other way and does help me out money wise like I said. He also said he'll pay to take us away on weekends - and where do I want to go?? Why do I have to spell it out- a surprise would be nice.....
Am I being unreasonable by thinking its too much- and is there a middle ground?

he's probably suggesting all this because he's taking the step of moving in with you - it's probably all a macho front!

To be honest it wouldn't bother me as I have a very strong relationship with my husband, however it's the cost that would bother me! Perhaps he doesn't realise how much money it takes to set up a home together?

JennyW_2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

No one can tell you what's right or wrong on this, what's right for one relationship is wrong for another. On the bright side, he is being upfront with you. If your finances aren't joint then it isn't affecting what he can spend/do with you. It is also a transition period for you both and these might be commitments he has made before you decided to move in together.

I think it's all in how you think about it. When DH goes away for work (fairly regularly) I deliberately think of this as me having freedom to do whatever I want. This includes cooking fish (he hates the smell), having tea and toast in bed (he has crumb issues) and watching strictly come dancing TWICE! I do quite enjoy having time to myself. This is something you might not appreciate if you haven't lived with anyone for a while.

But TBH and this is just a personal opinion about me, I figure that I do not want to be the saddo who can't cope without her man being there. I am better than that. I don't want to be the person who puts limits on him. I'm in a partnership, not holding a lead.

As the others have said too, time tends to take care of this issue as his friends start to pair off with people. The other big thing that makes a difference is having children....

good answer

My husband is in the Navy so has quite a few activity weekends or days away. To be honest I quite enjoy it. Time to myself to indulge. I'm the last one to be clingy and to say he cant go. People need their own space and social time too

belfastgirl23

miss_edith wrote: »

Sorry to intrude on another post but this is kind of relevant to me too. I've been with my boyfriend 3 years, we don't live together but do intend to at some point in the distant future. So far we have had just 2 weekends away together and he goes away with a friend for 2 or 3 weeks each year. I'm not bothered about him going, he should make the most of the opportunity to see places but I get a bit annoyed that he uses most of his leave on these holidays and has no time left for me. And the other problem is that I'm a teacher so am stuck with school holidays and he is not allowed to take any holiday at Xmas, Easter or the Feb half term so we're pretty much stuck with only the summer holidays together and that seriously limits the places we can go to. I'm finding it really hard to cope with. Has anyone else been in this position?

Just wondering if money is an issue on this. I have some friends who are teachers and I know that going on hol is always expensive for them cos they have to travel at peak times. Is your BF maybe not going away with you cos he can't afford July/August prices? Nothing you can do about it of course, just asking in case he can't bring himself to mention it???

Have to say I would probably find it a bit harder if DH wanted to go off on a main holiday without me...

Penny-Pincher!!

Hi

OH & I have been married for 14 years next month and we have never had seperate holidays or he/I go away with our mates. We have been away as a family with our friends but not seperately.

We are both 33 and have a 12 (13 next month) daughter and have been together since we were 13.

I have had to travel with work, but wouldnt call that a holiday..lol.

Its whatever you feel comfortable with and they are mainly weekend breaks. If you feel put out, could you not tag along?

PP
xx

basilcat7

JennyW wrote: »

he's probably suggesting all this because he's taking the step of moving in with you - it's probably all a macho front!

To be honest it wouldn't bother me as I have a very strong relationship with my husband, however it's the cost that would bother me! Perhaps he doesn't realise how much money it takes to set up a home together?

I know but its his money... and he says when we get married (his words!) his money will be my money. Also, its my house but when we buy our own maybe a bit more of his money may be required !! ( and he does have a lot saved)
As some one else said he is a sociable bloke and thats what I like about him. It drove me mad that my ex had no interests and no interest in finding any or doing anything...
we spent all our time together and that was a lot of the problem in the end.

taketwo

Hi

As long as you are not being excluded from things you want to do, and you say he has invited you to the festivals (give it a go, you might enjoy it!) then I would be ok with it. I work shifts, so work 3 w/ends out of 8, my DH doesn't go away all of these by any means, but if a club w/end comes up then he will probably go, and yes I'll be jealous, but that's not his fault, just the job's!

I did drop hints about bouquets before he went away the first time, and now nearly always get one which is lovely, the odd other one stings a bit, as I am expecting them, but again that's my fault!

As he calls you and is away for particular events, so not just drinking and larking (though I'm sure some of that will take place) I'm sure he is trustworthy, so don't let your friends spoil your relationship by tying him down and making you wonder about what he's up to.

He sounds great and good luck to both of you.

basilcat7

eslick wrote: »

There becomes a time when you need to give up lads holidays and I would have thought that making a commitment to move in was that time. Sorry to say Lads holidays are for two things one is drinking and the other is ........

Doing things apart is ok, just not lad holidays (same goes for girls one)

Sorry but I say I have to disagree on this. Don't think it should be implied that 'all lads are the same!' I do trust him and don't think he's up to anything when he goes out, same goes for on holiday.
I think I am jealous that my friends are settled and don't have the money to go away as much. My best friend would love a weekend away with me but monetry issues and children stop her !