How many boys holidays

basilcat7

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and he's moving in in a couple of weeks- scary !!
Just wondering what general opinion is for him going on holiday on his own- he wants to go on a number of holidays next year with his mates- a week skiing in Feb, New York at Easter weekend (his mate works at Virgin and can get very cheap flights), a weekend stag do, the V festival, Leeds festival and a golf weekend. i don't have have much disposible income and my friends are all settled and married so its a bit unlikely I can go away with a friend too. Saying that, he is going to take me to America where his parents live (he took me this year for 2 weeks). I say 'took me' as he paid for it- going back to the point before about my money.
The thing is he is going to pay me rent when he moves in so thats ok but I just feel he should be planning more for us. Theres an age gap too- I am 34- he is 26- so I don't want to tell him he can't do all this but I do feel its a bit excessive.
he is lovely to me in every other way and does help me out money wise like I said. He also said he'll pay to take us away on weekends - and where do I want to go?? Why do I have to spell it out- a surprise would be nice.....
Am I being unreasonable by thinking its too much- and is there a middle ground?

miserly_mum

Boys holidays are for boys, now he is living with you and you are a couple he is a man and you should be doing things together.

You mention his age almost as an excuse .

Why is he just paying you rent? he's not a lodger hes your partner

nickiboop

My OH Is going on a stag do in Feb next year to dublin for 4 days,

we have been together now for 9 years and its only the second time he has done this. I am still V upset as we cannot afford it and I will have to deal with the baby and the dog by myself for the weekend.
IMHO When you are in a serious relationship you should holiday together and play together

pboae

My OH goes on as many holidays with his friends as he wants, and I go away with mine too sometimes, but as he gets a lot more leave than me, he goes away a lot more than I do.

I don't mind at all, why shouldn't he enjoy himself with his friends? We do stuff together as well, and holiday together too, but I don't expect him to be with me 24/7.

Having said that, his trips have been drastically curtailed lately as most of his friends have settled down and many of their partners won't let them go away anymore. I've never understood why people have to be so controlling over these things. Whereas my friends (who are also mainly settled down) are starting to find their freedom again as their kids grow up, so I actually get more opportunities to go away than he does. If I had the leave available I'd jump at almost every chance.

He's taken you away before, and plans to do so again. If you want him to book you a surprise break, tell him that's what you want. If there are places you want to see and things you want to do, tell him and plan it together.

But during the times when you don't have anything planned, why shouldn't he go away? It's a lot more fun than spending a weekend being dragged round DIY stores.

misscomickat

I don't understand why any men would put up with "not being allowed" to go away.

If he can afford it, and you are still going on a holiday together, there's not much you can do about it! The more a woman (or a man!) moans about it, the more the partner is going to want to go away alone!

Catblue

It doesn't sound excessive to me.

Next year, he plans to go on holiday with you to the States as his main holiday (and remember that he's paying for both of you).

One week skiing with his pals.

And he's planned 5 weekends involving pals/hobbies. That's 5 weekends out of 52 in the year. He sound like a social chap and he's already said that he'd like to do something with you on the other weekends, and pay for it.

In my opinion, there is no harm in it unless he has children or there are other responsibilities involved.

stacey21_2

At least he's given you plenty of notice - you can plan your own things ! You say he is just moving in - perhaps in the first year of moving in you will still be finding your feet with each other and so a few nights away here and there might give you back your independance and 'me' time - time to do fake tan, nails, paint toenails, shave legs etc etc... a nice cup of tea with a book or something like that... having the house to yourself, get some girlfriends round.. I think you might enjoy it more than you think you will! Plus, if he's going away all those times, think of the presents.. ;-) I don't think couples should be stuck to each others hips, not to be morbid but you need to be able to stand on your own two feet as the other person won't always be around (sooner or later)..

belfastgirl23

No one can tell you what's right or wrong on this, what's right for one relationship is wrong for another. On the bright side, he is being upfront with you. If your finances aren't joint then it isn't affecting what he can spend/do with you. It is also a transition period for you both and these might be commitments he has made before you decided to move in together.

I think it's all in how you think about it. When DH goes away for work (fairly regularly) I deliberately think of this as me having freedom to do whatever I want. This includes cooking fish (he hates the smell), having tea and toast in bed (he has crumb issues) and watching strictly come dancing TWICE! I do quite enjoy having time to myself. This is something you might not appreciate if you haven't lived with anyone for a while.

But TBH and this is just a personal opinion about me, I figure that I do not want to be the saddo who can't cope without her man being there. I am better than that. I don't want to be the person who puts limits on him. I'm in a partnership, not holding a lead.

As the others have said too, time tends to take care of this issue as his friends start to pair off with people. The other big thing that makes a difference is having children....

basilcat7

thanks everyone- mixed bag of opinions which is nice !! I totally agree that its nice having my own time to do what I want, I mentioned it was scary when I said he was moving in and thats because I too like my own space and doing my own thing.He does get more leave than me and can afford it- I also don't want to be one of those women who tells their partner they are 'not allowed' to do things with their mates.also I think that at his age (and i think that does come into it) a lot of his friends are still single (although this is changing and they are meeting people) and that I have gone through a lot of my friends marrying and having children. I also trust him totally and he always rings me when out or away- even annoying late night drunken ones!!I suppose a couple of my friends have been a bit disapproving toowhich made me wonder... and he's not paying rent as such- just contributing to the mortgage until we sell and buy our own place. Thanks again- feel calmer about this now and will tell him he 'is allowed'!!!

basilcat7

BTW- meant to thank you all but the button isn't working- keeps taking me back to the top of the screen (any ideas)- but will do it tomorrow at work xx

KittyKate

IMO as long as he's a good boy it's not excessive. He sounds lovely in every other way, and he takes you away for a 2 week break too, so it's not like you don't get a hol (and I'm guessing you wouldn't like a stag do or a golf break?!)

Let him have his fun with his mates - he is 26 after all, he comes home and lives responsibly with you, so he has the best of both worlds. Don't let it come between you.