Coping with Terminal Illness

saxy1

Have been plucking up the courage to post this for a while, so please be gentle with me.

My mum has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I'm not coping with things very well at the moment.

If anyone can offer any advise or experience I would be most grateful.

thanks

katiekittykat

I have never had any experience with anyone close to me being diagnosed with a terminal illness - but all i can say is big hugs and hopefully someone on here will be able to offer you some support and advice.

xxxxxx

basilcat7

I really feel for you- have been through this. All I can say is gather family members close and try to draw strength from each other, it really helps. Good friends also help- they will let you talk, cry, and generally try to come to terms with everything that is going on around you.

my thoughts are with you at this difficult time xx

miserly_mum

saxy1 wrote: »

Have been plucking up the courage to post this for a while, so please be gentle with me.

My mum has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I'm not coping with things very well at the moment.

If anyone can offer any advise or experience I would be most grateful.

thanks[/QUOTE

My Mum died 4 years ago from Ovarian cancer.

We found out about 15 months before she died and it was a big blow for me and the kids as I am an only child and she and I were very close.

This may sound odd, but in a way knowing someone is dying has its advantages.

It means you can spend quality time with them and learn to come to terms with losing them

You can do and say stuff you would probably never have got around to in normal day to day life, its easy to forget to tell someone we love them and just assume they know.

I don;t know what condition you Mum has but not every day will be a bad day and most days will be so normal you forget theres even a problem.

Use these days to do nice family stuff together. Its memories of those days that will make things more bareable when she is no longer with you,

I would also say try to keep your sense of humour, it really does get you through the bad times, especially if you have children.

It must be awful to lose someone very suddenly and never get the chance to say goodbye so try to make use of the time you have together to do happy stuff

Griogair

my dad was diagnosed with throat and tongue cancer (he doesnt even smoke!) in January. he was pretty severe for a while, but im glad to say hes been given as clean a bill of health as hes ever going to.

the only advice i could give is what i did... and thats keep your chin up.... no matter how bad you feel, its worse for your mum, so put a brave face on it as best you can and try not let her see you upset. plus i think there was a report somewhere said that positive thinking did help people fight through illness better.

to be honest i didnt deal with it at all at the time, just kept busy with other things etc. and then by the end when he was finished with kimo (sp) and radio, i just realized that it was over already... hadnt been upset infront of him or elsewhere.

sorry to hear about your mum.

Gillianh2

saxy1 wrote: »

Have been plucking up the courage to post this for a while, so please be gentle with me.

My mum has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I'm not coping with things very well at the moment.

If anyone can offer any advise or experience I would be most grateful.

thanks

))))))))))))))))))HUGS))))))))))))))))))

Having been in this situtiona I know how hard it is for you. Does your Mum know the diagnosis. I ask only with My Mum she did not want to know and that made things easier for her and a little more difficult for us as we had to "playalong".
You will get the chance to say and do things with your Mum that maybe you would otherwise have put off till tmwr! as we all do.
I hope you are getting support from "Mcmillan" nurses they are marvellous and "Wrap the whole family with care" not just your Mum.
You are I am sure feeling angry upset and devastated. This is a horrid situation but try to talk to friends or family, if you find that too difficult then post your feelings, frustrations etc; here and let us all help support you.
Finally and although it will be the last thing you want to think about at the moment remember that there is financial help available to help your Mum cope with her diagnosis and any treatment or expenses that will be incurred. The Mcmillan nurses will tell you about it. But it is DLA and you claim it under the special circumstances rule you just need to fill in part of the form and your Mums GP will do the rest.

))))))))))))))))))))HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
And please keep posting feel free to PM me if you think I can offer any help or to be a shoulder for you.xxxxx

saxy1

Thank you for your replies, it just helps to talk to people who have 'been there' My mum has Motor Neurone Disease and this has mostly affected her speach so far, she has to write things down, this is what I miss most at the moment, just not being able to have our little chats.

S

belfastgirl23

Nothing useful or helpful to say except to remember to look after yourself too. You've had a terrible shock as well and while of course you'll be focused on your mum, make a bit of space for yourself and keep in touch with friends etc because you need support too. As an aside there is a motor neurone disease association http://www.mndassociation.org/ I think you probably need some specialist help and they would be the people to provide it...

Lots of luck!

saxy1

Thank you all for your help, advice and good wishes so far.

S

geekgirl

I feel so much for you. One of the things that you can do is make sure your mum gets to make all choices that she really wants to happen. It will give her 'ownership' of what is happening. Some people prefer not to make these arrangements so that is also her choice also. It can be hard sometimes to go along with what they want but that is what it is about really.

Big, big hugs for you. I have had a couple of very close people to me who have died very young recently and I am reeling. It felt very good to be able to put things into place for them that they wanted.

Bagpuss1973

Hi Saxy

Just wanted to give you a massive hug :grouphug: . So sorry to hear your sad news.

I would really recommend speaking to your Mum's gp about Macmillan services (if you haven't already) they really can help you every step of the way.

Might also be good to look into counselling for yourself (not sure how you feel about that sort of thing) but it can be very helpful to be able to talk to someone freely about how you really feel but maybe cannot express to the people you love.

You and your Mum are in my prayers.

Bagpussxx