Coping with Terminal Illness

LuciferTDark

My wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness 9yrs ago, the doctors at the time told her she'd be lucky to see another 7yrs, we've already gone 2 over that & every day we have together now is a bonus.

One of the worst things about it for me at the start was the fact she didn't tell us straight away, she was told just before Christmas & waited till after to tell us because she didn't want to spoil Christmas for us.

I think we've all come to terms with the fact she could be gone any time without much warning, but it's taken a lot out of us all, both kids have had stress related health problems, the oldest had counseling for 4yrs to help him cope, the youngest has migraines still.

I do believe if when she was told she'd just said "That's it I'm going to die" she'd have been long gone by now, instead she decided that no matter what the doctors said she'd fight it as long as she can with our help. And she is!

consultant31

Saxy I'm so sorry for you and I know exactly how you feel. My Dad was diagnosed in May with bone and stomach cancer. It was an enormous shock to Mum and me, but it does give you the opportunity to say all the things you want to say and, if your Mum stays feeling well (which my Dad didn't, sadly) maybe visit at least some of the places you've always wanted to see.

My dear Dad only had 5 weeks after his initial diagnosis and we still struggle every day, but I know, without any doubt that those last weeks were as full and happy as we could make them. Dad's one wish was that he could see his only brother one last time. He lives at the other end of the country and is ill himself, but he got someone to bring him up just for the day and Dad was thrilled to bits. Is there anything like this your Mum would love to do before it's too late.

I would love to think you would be as lucky as the previous poster is with his wife, but if not, you will have happy memories when the pain begins to fade.

If you need a sounding board there's always someone here (you're welcome to pm me if you like). Take care of your own health and don't even try to be strong all the time. Your Mum may need someone to cry with her, she will be frightened and perhaps angry too.

I am crying as I write this, I'm so sorry for you. ((((Hugs))))

bluebell13

'PS...unfortunately, Macmillan nurses only deal with cancer patients. 'by antronella

This is not true. Macmillan nurses deal with all types of terminal illness. I work in a palliative care unit and we have patients with MND and other illnesses who are supported by the Macmillan nurses in the community. OP please feel free to pm me if you need advice as to how to access these services.

maryotuam

Hi and :kisses3: hugs to you. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness nearly 6 years ago and I'm still here. I can honestly say that the last few years have been the worst and the best of my life. I have received so much love and goodwill from friends and family and grown much closer to everyone.

You and your Mum are about to set off on a rollercoaster of a journey but it's not all bad. Is it possible for you and her to arrange a weeks holiday somewhere nice together?

floss2

bluebell13 wrote: »

This is not true. Macmillan nurses deal with all types of terminal illness. I work in a palliative care unit and we have patients with MND and other illnesses who are supported by the Macmillan nurses in the community. OP please feel free to pm me if you need advice as to how to access these services.

This will depend on the level of nurse provision and funding in each area - my father (stomach cancer) had Macmillan nurses in 1991, my mother (bone & brain cancer) was unable to access this valuable resource in 2005 - from the same address, same GP, same hospital.

Floss

maryotuam

saxi
If you need somone to talk to feel free to pm me.

ellie14

Hi SAXY someone here thinking of you ,been there its awful but you know that, ,its never as bad as we fear ,when you have help. I used to go into dads bedroom at my house early in the morning 6ish and watch the sun ise over the fields together and talk and its those simple things that mean so much now.We had Macmillen and Marie Curie in to help us ,they were lovely and they are concerned about you as well,try to stay strong for mums sake.PM me or anyone if you feel you cant cope,we are here for you.

WendyR14

saxy1 wrote: »

Thank you for your replies, it just helps to talk to people who have 'been there' My mum has Motor Neurone Disease and this has mostly affected her speach so far, she has to write things down, this is what I miss most at the moment, just not being able to have our little chats.

S

Nothing specific to add, just that my Mum also died of MND at 56 and I still miss her. As other posters have said - take the time to really talk to her. I got on well with my Mum, and admired her a lot. But before her diagnosis I didn't really tell her so - having a period of time let me put that right. I don't suppose it helped her, but it's given me much comfort since she died.

My Mum was provided with a great deal of support from the medical, social and occupational support services (in Aberdeen) - she always said (no doubt quite unjustly) that MND suffers were always nice people and so got lots of help.

Wendy

Browntoa

it may sound wierd but I found it gave me and my father time to say goodbye properly, i used to go round and see him on my days off and he used to tell me loads of things about his past that he had never mentioned before.

when the end finally came me and my brothers were there and it was not such a shock, still painful but you have had time to adjust

saxy1

Thanks all of you. have been trying to spend as much time as possible with mum, with lots of cuddles and telling her how much I love her.
Saxy.