What do you do if you suspect your partner is cheating

Dean000000

Comms69 wrote: »

Can I ask why?


Whilst I don't have anything on my phone that would cause anyone alarm bells, I still feel it's a privacy issue.

very much depends on your relationship thought doesn't it?


There is very, very few things in my life id keep private from my wife - as such, there is no need for any protect any device...


could almost flip it around and ask - why part of your phone do you think should be kept private?


im not baiting you - I just cant see it from your view point at all?

bugslett

Comms69 wrote: »

Surprised literally no-one mentioned just talking to him - what a strange solution..

Mr Bugs had an affair, gut feeling told me something was wrong. I made sure my gut feeling was right by finding our first.

If I had asked him based on suspicion, he would have said no. When I did get to ask him after finding out without any doubts, he denied it, If you don't know and they deny things you can't say any more but OK. If you can say, well I saw you last night with a woman in a pub, you had your arms around her and then you went back to her house, along with a few other things, it's difficult to deny.

spadoosh wrote: »

This advice isnt relevant to those who suffer with hysteria.

If there is one thing I've never been called is hysterical. Pragmatic yes, hysterical no.

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

But it’s a question you can’t un-ask. It’s potentially quite damaging. I think that’s bad advice.

And there is that aspect as well.

OP there may be some reasons why your bf is acting out of character, but gut instinct is often right. What I did is buy a couple of cheap dictaphones ( this was some years ago, mobile phone recording is another option, and hide them in two seperate locations at home, announce I was going out to x for 2 hours and yep, five minutes later he was on the phone too her.

I have no problem if people think that is low, crack on. If he hadn't after 19 years had an affair, then I wouldn't have any reason to snoop. I hadn't done in the previous 19 years to be clear. OP hopefully it would put your mind at rest, if it turns out that he is playing away, don't go in all guns blazing, take some time to consider things difficult as it is.

Comms69

Dean000000 wrote: »

very much depends on your relationship thought doesn't it?


There is very, very few things in my life id keep private from my wife - as such, there is no need for any protect any device...


could almost flip it around and ask - why part of your phone do you think should be kept private?


im not baiting you - I just cant see it from your view point at all?

It's a good question. I guess I just find it strange that people live such intertwined lives.


Surely knowing everything about your partner means there's nothing ever new? For example arranging a suprise

SuperPikachu

Comms69 wrote: »

It's a good question. I guess I just find it strange that people live such intertwined lives.


Surely knowing everything about your partner means there's nothing ever new? For example arranging a suprise

Depends what sort of surprise.

I surprised my girlfriend yesterday with loads of washing up. Even knowing my phone PW didn't forewarn her of that!

Dean000000

Comms69 wrote: »

It's a good question. I guess I just find it strange that people live such intertwined lives.


Surely knowing everything about your partner means there's nothing ever new? For example arranging a suprise

I suppose the intertwining was the commitment we both ‘signed up to’ when getting married and deciding to have kids....

The surprise issue is a valid one - especially when sharing a 100% joint account (I.e no side accounts)

Like I said, it works for us - but appreciate not for everybody.

I have often wondered was our situation unique? I.e 100% shared funds/bank account, iTunes, eBay / PayPal / Uber / whatever... as I would consider it wierd any other way...

Especially when I read the amount of discussion on these forums about money disputes between partners. money has never ever presented us with an unrecociable problem at all.... we discuss / negotiate / compromise and move on.... I thought that’s what most people did...

Dean000000

Just realised I have mAde this thread about me and/or something generic.

Sorry.

Op.....depending on how much you share will determine how much you can reasonably check before confronting.

Sorry comms, I disagree tackling this head on by asking is correct.... You need to have some level of certainty before asking that question.....

You also need to be sure on your course of action if the answer is ‘yes’

NeilCr

Dean000000 wrote: »

Just realised I have mAde this thread about me and/or something generic.

Sorry.

Op.....depending on how much you share will determine how much you can reasonably check before confronting.

Sorry comms, I disagree tackling this head on by asking is correct.... You need to have some level of certainty before asking that question.....

You also need to be sure on your course of action if the answer is ‘yes’

I wouldn't in any way suggest asking directly.

I would though be having a conversation about his change in behaviour and the picking fights. On the face of it the wedding ring taking off is suspicious but it's so blatant that there may be another reason. I always took mine off when going to the gym, for example. I managed to knock it off once when doing weights!

My phone isn't password protected but my partner would never look at it. I think hers is (she has her 4 year old granddaughter living with her!) but, again, if it wasn't I wouldn't dream of having a nose.

bugslett

NeilCr wrote: »

My phone isn't password protected but my partner would never look at it. I think hers is (she has her 4 year old granddaughter living with her!) but, again, if it wasn't I wouldn't dream of having a nose.

I didn't think of looking at Mr Bugs for 19 years;). He actually had a second phone:( . Mine was never password protected, just because I CBA setting it up that probably:D

NeilCr

bugslett wrote: »

I didn't think of looking at Mr Bugs for 19 years;). He actually had a second phone:( . Mine was never password protected, just because I CBA setting it up that probably:D

I must admit I read some of these threads and am pretty stunned at the "apparent" laissez-faire attitude of the supposed cheaters. They leave their phones lying around, they leave incriminating messages to be read, they take their wedding rings off blatantly, etc etc.

If I was cheating I'd be paranoid. I'd have no messages on my main phone, I'd have a second phone (as per Mr Bugs!), and I'd only take my wedding ring off out of the house.

They are either very confident, very dumb or don't give a s""t.

gettingtheresometime

Comms69 wrote: »

Can I ask why?


Whilst I don't have anything on my phone that would cause anyone alarm bells, I still feel it's a privacy issue.

Mine is password protected (as is the sim) so that if someone finds/steals my phone they can't phone their relatives in Australia before I can report it lost.